tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40779520828075739062024-03-12T17:21:03.315-07:00My Year Without Walt Disney Animation StudiosTime to watch the movies from the companies who thought they could take on Big Mouse. I'll talk to you folks about the movies, the making of same, and the culture that surrounds them. This is My Year Without Walt Disney Animation Studios. Join me, won't you.Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.comBlogger103125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-8224698624797356492018-04-07T21:57:00.002-07:002018-11-21T12:28:30.180-08:00 Tinseltown: the Holiday Movie Podcast <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjthIxMt9zRbYKiH9RV5UmJufsQQE8b2PHYWKlI362YpD7GPklgK2Vj3bWIWn0bWaEXalsvNVaeVVUqtV7YUfn6Nk4pllEjedRJSlLi6tHl-ktERPwQhPX5-0YTqmzpHiWdu09n3iKf8_k/s1600/21BE8992-B94F-4E79-921C-218E3B900356.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjthIxMt9zRbYKiH9RV5UmJufsQQE8b2PHYWKlI362YpD7GPklgK2Vj3bWIWn0bWaEXalsvNVaeVVUqtV7YUfn6Nk4pllEjedRJSlLi6tHl-ktERPwQhPX5-0YTqmzpHiWdu09n3iKf8_k/s320/21BE8992-B94F-4E79-921C-218E3B900356.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Hello, readers! As you presumably guessed by now, this blog is now more or less defunct. Obviously, my ability to write these reviews had been waning, and the fact of the matter is, once I got out of the range of stuff I had been working on, I just didn’t have the spark anymore. But what I do have the spark for, and have for a long time, is holiday movies. And that’s why I started the Tinseltown podcast. Every Tuesday, you’ll get a detailed review of a Christmas, Thanksgiving, or New Year’s eve movie complete with the humorous commentary you’ve come to associate with my #brand. And in order to avoid the near constant personal deadline issues that plagued this blog, I’ve got six months worth of episodes in the bank. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I want to thank you all for reading this blog while it was active. This was a very meaningful project for me, and I’m not saying I’ll never go back to it someday. I actually have two more Cannon reviews written, it’s just a matter of tracking down pictures and whatnot for them. But like I said, the spark. I did also give some thought to rediscovering said spark by shifting focus to the live action Disney movies of my childhood in the 1990s and early 2000s. That’s still on the table for the future. But for now, it’s the holidays that have my attention. So I hope you give a listen to the podcast, I’m very happy with what we’re doing there. That’s all for now. See you at the movies. </div>
<br />The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-34354883545466461732017-02-26T16:45:00.000-08:002017-02-26T16:45:02.023-08:00Cannon Movie Tales: Puss In BootsOkay, so.<br />
<br />
First of all, hi, how are you, how’s the family, you look great.<br />
<br />
Now let’s talk about Cannon Movie Tales.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LZ6NHv8jLk0/WLN2J7Pi_sI/AAAAAAAAAqU/b5p6QepO0MAtDdYwiuR57WJHjIdLWEGewCPcB/s1600/IMG_6878.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LZ6NHv8jLk0/WLN2J7Pi_sI/AAAAAAAAAqU/b5p6QepO0MAtDdYwiuR57WJHjIdLWEGewCPcB/s320/IMG_6878.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
The Cannon Group, for those who are unaware, is a film studio that were the reigning masters of B-movies in the 1980s. Over the course of their existence, they, as Wikipedia puts it, “produced a distinctive line of low-to medium-budget films” as well as extensive international investment and moving early and aggressively into the home video market. While they were founded in 1967, they remained a fairly earnest small studio for just over a decade, until they were purchased in 1979 by Israeli businessmen, cousins, and James Bond villains Menaheim Golan and Yoram Globus.<br />
<br />
Golan and Globus, flush with the money Cobra Commander gave them for fighting G.I. Joe, immediately converted the small studio into an action movie grindhouse, because America had VCRs and America was THARSTY for cheap jingoism and explosions. With this strong market and an in-house star with Chuck Norris, Cannon expanded to making comedies, period pieces, sci-fi, fantasy, and even the occasional half-hearted stab at a prestige pic. They even snagged a best foreign film Oscar for The Assault, and were lauded by no less an authority than Roger Ebert for being, if not the highest quality film studio, certainly the one most likely to actually take a damn chance on something.<br />
<br />
The downfall of Cannon is fascinating, a rambling tale of overreaching, overpromoting, and even attempting to live up to their supervillain names by taking on Spider-Man (unsuccessfully), Captain America (Golan eventually produced a direct to video disaster), and Superman (Successfully vanquished with The Quest For Peace, the film that started the studio’s slow demise). But now’s not the time for that. Now’s the time to talk about one of those aforementioned chances: Cannon Movie Tales.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MMhLAwBEzhg/WLN2J-mEK-I/AAAAAAAAAqU/Kt3G26GRWn096Igr0_bS367-H-yyiUd3QCPcB/s1600/IMG_6883.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="194" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MMhLAwBEzhg/WLN2J-mEK-I/AAAAAAAAAqU/Kt3G26GRWn096Igr0_bS367-H-yyiUd3QCPcB/s320/IMG_6883.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
See, for all their various inroads into underserved genres, the one they hadn’t yet cracked was the kiddie market. But as some of their international video releases were showing them, this market may be even more lucrative AND less discerning than the action flicks. So the time was right to do kids’ movies in the traditional Cannon fashion: Fast and sloppy. The formula was simple:<br />
<br />
1 - Crank out a script based on a classic fairy tale, preferably one that Disney hasn’t already done.<br />
<br />
2 - Drag a net through Hollywoo and London to see who wants a quick paycheck.<br />
<br />
3 - Fill the rest of the cast with Israeli extras who will be hilariously dubbed by Americans later.<br />
<br />
4 - Profit! (Maybe. Numbers were hard to find online.)<br />
<br />
So let’s dig into this series with one of their most famous outings.<br />
<br />
THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKEN!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ahYTgJ6-nFg/WLN2Jz_H-cI/AAAAAAAAAqU/2SWlFxCIIrU3oFiLMdjEGZHozsYB0rTqACPcB/s1600/IMG_6881.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ahYTgJ6-nFg/WLN2Jz_H-cI/AAAAAAAAAqU/2SWlFxCIIrU3oFiLMdjEGZHozsYB0rTqACPcB/s320/IMG_6881.JPG" width="217" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<b>WHAT’S THE STORY?</b><br />
<br />
Puss in Boots, a rather generically european tale most famous for its French incarnation, by the legendary Charles Perrault. In it, a miller’s son is given as his only inheritance, a cat. This cat can talk, which doesn’t really seem to shake anyone as much as it should. It asks him for a pair of boots, for no reason other than to give the illustrators something snappy to draw, and sets about convincing everyone his poor owner is “The Marquis of Carabas”, CEO of the popular restaurant chain. This all works much better than it should.<br />
<br />
<b>HOW’S IT PADDED?</b><br />
<br />
So here we run into a very odd feature of the Cannon Movie Tales: While the scripts are very bad, they tend to make very good choices in expanding the stories to feature length, and this one is particularly good. The cat asks for boots because when he wears them, he turns into a human. So now all of his miscellaneous trickery is a lot easier to buy, because you’re not wondering why everyone who meets him isn’t going “HOLY CRAP, A TALKING CAT!” So, as a result, most of the padding in this movie is just done by stretching out that trickery, which mostly works.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qP_Ww0wJhUs/WLN2J7qNFGI/AAAAAAAAAqU/ecHNjHAuSPcn3E-8SUUH1gUpdhu1V1RnACPcB/s1600/IMG_6880.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qP_Ww0wJhUs/WLN2J7qNFGI/AAAAAAAAAqU/ecHNjHAuSPcn3E-8SUUH1gUpdhu1V1RnACPcB/s320/IMG_6880.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<b>WHO’S SLUMMING?</b><br />
<br />
As I said, all of these movies have at least one star that makes you say “Wait, really?”and it’s for just that reason that this one is so Internet Famous. Because Puss, in his human aspect, is played by none other than Christopher Walken. Walken clearly has a blast with the role, and uses his natural charm and dancing ability to be pretty much the only thing the flick has going for it. This is especially notable in the dance sequences. It couldn’t be clearer that the film had no choreographer to speak of, and while Walken can excellently improvise some soft shoe with the best of them, it gets really messy. He’s the only actor of note in this film, but fans of Robin Hood may recognize Sean Connery’s towheaded idiot son Jason, who plays the miller’s son with his usual blonde gormlessness.<br />
<br />
<b>FINAL THOUGHTS</b><br />
<br />
The strangest thing of all the Cannon Tales is that I actually genuinely like them. Oh, they aren’t good, don’t mistake me, but there’s something so pleasant about their enthusiasm, and while the stars may be in it for a quick paycheck, they always give it 100%. I don’t know how that happened. There’s just something about Cannon that wins people over in spite of themselves. Next time around, we’ll be looking at the only Cannon Tale that was based on a story Disney had already got to. Spoilers: They... they actually do a better job with it in several categories. We’ll see who comes out on top next Monday!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nrinwbhH0kc/WLN2J-Py0kI/AAAAAAAAAqU/g4CnOmdjRrQusRE3ufujI2d-8J4MeW6YwCPcB/s1600/IMG_6879.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nrinwbhH0kc/WLN2J-Py0kI/AAAAAAAAAqU/g4CnOmdjRrQusRE3ufujI2d-8J4MeW6YwCPcB/s320/IMG_6879.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-28700044274840185472016-04-23T18:04:00.002-07:002016-04-23T18:04:50.844-07:00Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron (Dreamworks, 2002)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I haven’t talked much about the Academy Award for best animated feature on this blog. Probably because I don’t really care about it that much. Most years, it’s one foregone conclusion, or maybe an interesting race between one or two. Generally, you get a Disney, a Pixar, a Ghibli, one indie/foreign, and one from one of the other American studios. And I always remember the second year it was presented. Ghibli’s entry, Spirited Away, was the destined winner. Disney had two that year, Lilo and Stitch and Treasure Planet, both of which stood a vague, dark horse chance, the former more than the latter. As for the remaining two, it was Ice Age and some dumb horse movie, seat-fillers if ever there were. Well, this is that dumb horse movie. Let’s see if I misjudged it.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">HORSES! </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">HORSES! </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">AND MORE HORSES! </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IT’S </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">SPIRIT: STALLION OF THE CIMARRON!</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e1b7a13-45c5-4839-4fa8-ebf6290ed9bc" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm5K16oIHFNptbf1mOfNwSkE-NPGIrZ0HAGx_MCUzOQWvIAPEDKKbL7WZEsBiGwdgzC4UOXn2V1ZGtlCn-WXLtTdVcupwkihyRziqrHm1Szjm0K63mGmsUpGqLFCXOn-4dquY2wlLF-oQ/s1600/prince2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm5K16oIHFNptbf1mOfNwSkE-NPGIrZ0HAGx_MCUzOQWvIAPEDKKbL7WZEsBiGwdgzC4UOXn2V1ZGtlCn-WXLtTdVcupwkihyRziqrHm1Szjm0K63mGmsUpGqLFCXOn-4dquY2wlLF-oQ/s320/prince2.jpg" width="207" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<a name='more'></a><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I want to address voice acting first in this one. I know I usually save it for later, but we need to lead with this. MATT DAMON SHOULD NOT NARRATE MOVIES. I called him out for his vocal blandness in the Titan A.E. review, and he actually fares worse here. The story is a Black Beauty style bildungsroman, a wild mustang is taken from his herd, and passed from owner to owner, never losing his fire for independence. And I really expected the horses to talk to each other. They don’t. They’re still fairly anthropomorphized in their faces and personalities, but they don’t talk. Instead, the film is narrated by Damon, playing the voice of the main horse reflecting on his past. This means that he is never in the moment, always looking back on it. And that means he is BORING AS HELL.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Which is a shame, because it’s actually quite a good story. They wisely gave the horse only two humans to deal with, which keeps the movie from being cluttered. There’s the Army colonel who forcibly tries to tame him, and a Lakota Native American who eventually befriends him. All the other humans are faceless entities, directly or indirectly related to those two. The Colonel is never given a name, and I seem to recall the Lakota’s name being mentioned by a friend of his, but it wasn’t a big deal. This movie is completely horse-centered, and I love it. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie25m5k11-Uue1EQFB3dHN2TZoNEwGKCjUxSQo-wEJkLBPO0m36w8-BcxPGXRBoazWM3nV9ISo0ci857zDoI8pnuDr9kzopInbtGT3mOZ1KWZHYeveRL4FtRaId1yxawRqO7YQNF9GLKY/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie25m5k11-Uue1EQFB3dHN2TZoNEwGKCjUxSQo-wEJkLBPO0m36w8-BcxPGXRBoazWM3nV9ISo0ci857zDoI8pnuDr9kzopInbtGT3mOZ1KWZHYeveRL4FtRaId1yxawRqO7YQNF9GLKY/s400/images.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sadly, Monocle Horse gets little characterization.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Which is why it’s a shame that Damon’s flat, anemic narration brings it down. With nothing to latch onto, performance-wise, we’re left with just a generic white guy voice, reading narration that was not really essential to the story. We get all the plot and character from the story itself, we don’t need Damon to pop in every few minutes and go “I was really sad about that.” The remainder of the cast is some solid character actors, which you know is my preference. James Cromwell and Daniel Studi play our main humans, with Charles Napier and Michael Horse as their understudies, I guess. And hey, props again for hiring Native actors for Native characters. Always appreciated.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Visually, it’s another marvel. Dreamworks has really been nailing the look of things. They toned down the CGI a bit in this one, using it mainly for “event” moments, like a train crash and a canyon chase, as well as water effects and such. This is vastly preferable to using it for, you know, just stuff that they’re picking up. Looking at you, El Dorado. If I had one complaint, it would be the horses, which seems huge, but it’s not. Their legs just look a little wonky if they’re doing anything but standing still, and while I get that they needed forward-facing eyes for the sake of facial expressions, the eyebrows were a bit much.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-wOVoyQt7Q3Xe3PLSjKSONbHFareGZzHGwnbxp4CUBii8W-msBltkAzowyg9ktLormyv05zIjju9pMR64nQlLbe3AX62MK0mFcwj7FNj22zrhVcOPGrl_tMaB7rIcFwE99fz00Zqk4zE/s1600/10p.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-wOVoyQt7Q3Xe3PLSjKSONbHFareGZzHGwnbxp4CUBii8W-msBltkAzowyg9ktLormyv05zIjju9pMR64nQlLbe3AX62MK0mFcwj7FNj22zrhVcOPGrl_tMaB7rIcFwE99fz00Zqk4zE/s400/10p.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Cut that mane. No one on this base gets fancier hair than me."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Speaking of “a bit much”, there’s the soundtrack. Mostly generic soundtrack music, or generic Americana ballads, but there’s two completely random rock songs that sound terrible, and remove you from the movie in a completely weird way. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This one’s a strong recommend. Damon is nonessential to the max, but the movie is still a lot of fun. Yeah, it’s a big, cheesy sweeping Americana Western, but hey, sometimes that ain’t bad.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dreamworks went CGI soon after this, which was a bit of a box office disappointment, but they did have one last attempt at throwing everything at the wall, and that’s what we’ll cover next.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihDs5qhaYvVYyAsf7wFqYDIGsE6YGwBVWZprPIQXXMHOYTR3O1Kre0gN8-41sBfPAQ-SIMdu_aGPeLDyRSYb0nXBTo_W0Stn7fXV9iE0AR6dpf6WciinO6SE_dL5y7oslaPqBzVv73nJk/s1600/vlcsnap-2016-04-23-20h11m32s532.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihDs5qhaYvVYyAsf7wFqYDIGsE6YGwBVWZprPIQXXMHOYTR3O1Kre0gN8-41sBfPAQ-SIMdu_aGPeLDyRSYb0nXBTo_W0Stn7fXV9iE0AR6dpf6WciinO6SE_dL5y7oslaPqBzVv73nJk/s400/vlcsnap-2016-04-23-20h11m32s532.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bit on the nose there, soundtrack.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Several sources, including probably the credits, list the horse as being named “Spirit”, but that doesn’t happen in the film. If it does, I missed it. The Lakota guy says that he’s a “spirit that can’t be broken”, but that’s as close as it gets.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Shrek won the Oscar the first year it was presented. Over Monsters Inc. I don’t throw around the term “national shame”, but...</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Disney did not win the Oscar until 2013 for Frozen, which was a good enough film, but thankfully came out in a low competition year.</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* The strongest year for the award was 2009. Up, the winner, was heavily favored, but the other competitors were Coraline, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Princess and the Frog, and The Secret of Kells, all of which could have pulled it off.</span></div>
The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-69906118104615240962016-03-31T15:11:00.004-07:002016-03-31T15:11:40.604-07:002106 - Zootopia<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Well, once again, Disney has a film out in theaters, and it's my job to tell you to go see it. GO SEE IT. Seriously, they've been at a pretty high level of quality. They haven't come out with a really bad movie since Meet the Robinsons, and I still kinda liked that. You have to head back to Chicken Little to find something straight up terrible. But Zootopia is more than just a good film from a good studio. This is amazing. This is the best movie they've made since Winnie-The-Pooh, which was itself the best since Lilo and Stitch. Now, it's only been out for a few weeks, so here's my three top reasons to see it:<br /><br /><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHLgsqlytgHh4fXXfG5wVzE41CMPZi6hDR6y3BU2bggNJXwjO04HmAE5A_ZTpfrL1a0_bdhz-05VAt3V1Trszuar67Gt28K3ovPG-Fl0cmFDak6M3wZJ6YDA0_zIVUZtfOqXrcf84jkP4/s1600/10p.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHLgsqlytgHh4fXXfG5wVzE41CMPZi6hDR6y3BU2bggNJXwjO04HmAE5A_ZTpfrL1a0_bdhz-05VAt3V1Trszuar67Gt28K3ovPG-Fl0cmFDak6M3wZJ6YDA0_zIVUZtfOqXrcf84jkP4/s400/10p.jpg" width="270" /></a></div>
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<b>IT'S EXTREMELY FUNNY</b><br />
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
I did NOT have high expectations going in. "Okay, city full of animals, get ready for some cheap animal jokes." And there are a few of those. The rabbits have over a hundred kids, stuff like that. But the world that they've created is so pervasively animal-oriented that there are nonstop opportunities to cram in all kinds of background gags, and the joke saturation - the puns on the signs alone - just creates this squishy, pleasant base level of humor so that when something more character-based hits, it is amplified by the already-existing giggles. And even the lame animal jokes are expertly done. As soon as I saw the sloth-staffed DMV, I was set to roll my eyes, but the timing was PERFECT.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLv1ZS_2e8JcP2Vf8ye3bwYw4-qJ_qe0SgDkAuRhfKUI1TmoztT_XkB78bzgz8BA4V4sseT5XO2PhLzNFnM_xTq8l_b3vbPpP26lHrgTSRnX81vezT6mxXAumDOnHDb9hCvKQY9iYaw8A/s1600/prince2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLv1ZS_2e8JcP2Vf8ye3bwYw4-qJ_qe0SgDkAuRhfKUI1TmoztT_XkB78bzgz8BA4V4sseT5XO2PhLzNFnM_xTq8l_b3vbPpP26lHrgTSRnX81vezT6mxXAumDOnHDb9hCvKQY9iYaw8A/s320/prince2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<i>Favorite Joke - </i>Alan Tudyk, who played the Duke of Wesselton in Frozen, plays Duke Weaselton in this one, and the joke about mispronouncing his name is inverted. He also is selling bootleg Disney DVDs, which include numerous bonus puns, even for movies that aren't being released for a few months.<br /><br /><br /><br /><b>IT'S EXTREMELY WELL MADE</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Visually, it's a marvel. A sweeping cityscape is nothing new in Disney, even before they were doing it in CG, but this one is a step beyond. The city center, where everything is oriented for animals of all different sizes, the "ethnic neighborhoods" for arctic, jungle, desert, and other environments, even the way the cars were designed. This is a world that doesn't make sense if you think about it at all, and by gum, they made it work. The casting is also really on point, as is the norm. The celebrity leads, Jason Bateman and Ginnifer Goodwin, thankfully avoid Bland Lead Syndrome, and the support from seasoned voice actors like Jenny Slate, J.K. Simmons, Maurice LaMarche, Jesse Corti, and others.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiVZxn360PewSVv_ibPspo4BSgGpHYnE1eYs0HjPINJKK8TCGGFhiS2Hh0DXhdUMr7Gtdnq9xDiBmYkL6Odp6ch7SXlCNltUyJmadQCiOCcnrXmZvbS-xah2goORQYDSVfqfG5ok_eMw4/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiVZxn360PewSVv_ibPspo4BSgGpHYnE1eYs0HjPINJKK8TCGGFhiS2Hh0DXhdUMr7Gtdnq9xDiBmYkL6Odp6ch7SXlCNltUyJmadQCiOCcnrXmZvbS-xah2goORQYDSVfqfG5ok_eMw4/s400/images.jpg" width="400" /></a><i>But I have to complain about - </i>There's a running gag about everyone loving a pop star called Gazelle, played by and clearly based on Shakira. She does fine, but the name... Did they try to get Adele and couldn't? Because the gag is clearly inspired by her. This is like when they created Sir Jean Hamm for Galavant, but Jon Hamm was unavailable, so they cast John Stamos, but DIDN'T CHANGE THE NAME TO JEAN STAMOS. It's madness. They could easily have called her.. I don't know, Sha-deer-a or something?<br />
<br />
<b>IT'S PERTINENT</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
What I really didn't expect going in was the incredible relevance of the movie. The population of Zootopia is 10% predator animals and 90% prey. (With, I guess, a few outliers like elephants, rhinos, and cape buffalo, who are all on the police force.) So the main thrust of the plot is the effect of profiling a minority as "dangerous". The fox con artist that our main character deputizes isn't just a jerk, he's been treated with suspicion and hostility his whole life because he's a predator species. So he responded by embracing the "sly fox" stereotype. This movie addresses serious issues with policing and the way people view minorities, and it does it in a very real way. I've complained occasionally before about movies using a stand-in for a minority as a way to avoid really talking about an issue, but this proves that they can really address it effectively. I don't want to go into too much detail on the plot, because it is a mystery (for kids, remember, don't expect Agatha Christie), but they don't just use oppression and privilege as color. They get into it. Conservatives have been complaining, of course, but they always do.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTMJ67q08EY_ycrjzSIPkIQ4b_dy5F7j8gTtKstuRL6oHycMyBIH_Lme98IRMuezzezW1Cx7AQGRznX4UOsDPT_q_nPB3LwesQaG0vGuxKnweIFZ4kW8bnWhrbkwUL2JK0uX-RJbf_e8w/s1600/prince_of_egypt_ver2_xlg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTMJ67q08EY_ycrjzSIPkIQ4b_dy5F7j8gTtKstuRL6oHycMyBIH_Lme98IRMuezzezW1Cx7AQGRznX4UOsDPT_q_nPB3LwesQaG0vGuxKnweIFZ4kW8bnWhrbkwUL2JK0uX-RJbf_e8w/s320/prince_of_egypt_ver2_xlg.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<i>Random Trivia</i> - In Europe, the movie is called "Zootropolis", because a theme park has a trademark on Zootopia.<br />
<br />
<b>SO YEAH</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
This movie is an absolute, unqualified recommendation. I'm not even sure why you're still reading this. Go see it. Go see it now. I'm not doing additional thoughts. Go now.The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-37528758782916254062016-03-13T16:53:00.001-07:002016-03-13T16:53:53.122-07:00The Road to El Dorado (Dreamworks, 2000)WELCOME BACK, EVERYONE!<br />
<br />
It's been a hell of a long time since my last update, and for that, you have my sincere apologies. You know how it is, work gets in the way, you never seem to have time, you have to write a review of a really uninspiring movie.<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't bad. Far from it. I really enjoyed it. It just didn't leave me with much I wanted to talk about. If I had something as good as The Iron Giant or as bad as Quest for Camelot to return to, I'd probably have got to it sooner, but as it stands... ehh.<br />
<br />
And with that thrilling introduction, we turn to -<br /><br />ADVENTURE!<br /><br />EXPLORATION!<br /><br />WHITE GUYS EXCELLING AT A NATIVE CULTURE'S ACTIVITIES DESPITE NO EXPERIENCE!<br /><br />IT'S <b>THE ROAD TO EL DORADO!</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcX68P4YZvahOOqgmDqi42e77t-NkMdRkbBAIWdnaPY2XHkzVwZRAYoDsSEuSM1YtCdRjhN-mydebS2vln-vnvOhuGrB6e3N4ycM3_N9JWsqEGFbGPXXRf059i9xdBjeKE-RdxPQoTO20/s1600/10p.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcX68P4YZvahOOqgmDqi42e77t-NkMdRkbBAIWdnaPY2XHkzVwZRAYoDsSEuSM1YtCdRjhN-mydebS2vln-vnvOhuGrB6e3N4ycM3_N9JWsqEGFbGPXXRf059i9xdBjeKE-RdxPQoTO20/s320/10p.jpg" width="215" /></a></div>
<b><br /></b>
<b></b><br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Ah, what can I say about The Road to El Dorado that hasn't already been said? Probably a lot, it was a big flop. Not sure why, really. This was a year where Dinosaur was in the top 5 grossing movies, so people must have been hard up for entertainment. And while Pixar was established, and while D______r made bank, this wasn't yet at the point where CGI had completely dominated. And while the bulk of Dreamworks' cash was going to Prince of Egypt, it's not like they slouched on advertising this. Many moments in the movie I recognized as soon as they showed up because I'd seen them about ten thousand times on TV commercials. So why the disappointing box office. I mean sure, it made more than... [checks Box Office Mojo] "Dude, Where's My Car", but it also had... [checks Wikipedia] eight times the budget, as well as engaging visuals, a winning cast, Elton John music, and not much competition. Honestly, the failure of this movie is as baffling as... [checks We Hunted the Mammoth] the Manosphere.<br /><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYbB2AxIgtzpnrSVNmRsGjOc5_XAZm5vAXh1pvHG6uUpZaIvdo6ZdoY0Eoc2MJ4Um-vV1GufUcDt8vKD_CCTKVRjVwKwI6_WRPfFWW6yaCMoOmXLL8ToqNXubshRu4bWpIeX9YXOPNwno/s1600/tumblr_inline_mzomr58xZm1rckdue.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYbB2AxIgtzpnrSVNmRsGjOc5_XAZm5vAXh1pvHG6uUpZaIvdo6ZdoY0Eoc2MJ4Um-vV1GufUcDt8vKD_CCTKVRjVwKwI6_WRPfFWW6yaCMoOmXLL8ToqNXubshRu4bWpIeX9YXOPNwno/s320/tumblr_inline_mzomr58xZm1rckdue.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Speaking of men going their own way, this article will be illustrated entirely with screencaps that make the characters look gay.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I think the biggest problem was that people didn't know what to expect. From my half formed memories, I remember it being pitched as a big, bombastic adventure story about two dashing adventure types having adventures. And while there is some of that in there, a lot of it is much smaller. For one thing, our heroes are hardly heroes. They are a pair of small time hustlers who luck into a map that turns out to lead them to El Dorado, the fabled lost city of gold. When they arrive there, it is at a convenient point for a local prophecy, and they are hailed as gods. As well you may expect, one of them is into it, one of them wants to leave, they meet a woman who's onto their scam but agrees to help, and they eventually mount a daring escape.<br />
<br />
The plot isn't that daring, but it's nice. As the name implies, it takes a lot of influence from the Hope-Crosby "Road to" comedies, and Kenneth Branagh and Kevin Kline are well suited for the fun, bickering dialogue you expect from something like that. Branagh plays the easygoing, slightly dimmer of the two, and Kline the more tightly wound, which plays to their strengths. Apart from those traits, they haven't much personality, but they still work well as archetypes. As the third, native member of the team, Rosie Perez brings appropriate sass while not devolving to stereotype.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4z7QnXv0Clhk9dsPH7MMUhqbFJ7570F7Dx2eZYvig5ofXu9HNEtdrzE9d7mkMSA63wPEVSL3RtiXX_rymCKGd1hnF3R-F_HNWnjK69LLHt49c2lWPZ43I2gS-Z4eTLo9hZv8wWfJ6QsA/s1600/rted_screensot_manip_by_lorazoronicktrance-d2xo9sa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4z7QnXv0Clhk9dsPH7MMUhqbFJ7570F7Dx2eZYvig5ofXu9HNEtdrzE9d7mkMSA63wPEVSL3RtiXX_rymCKGd1hnF3R-F_HNWnjK69LLHt49c2lWPZ43I2gS-Z4eTLo9hZv8wWfJ6QsA/s320/rted_screensot_manip_by_lorazoronicktrance-d2xo9sa.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is for two reasons. First, for SOME REASON, 90% of the screencaps I found made them look totally gay.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The best twist on the expected comes from the civil leaders. The secular chief, played with great warmth by Edward James Olmos, is all about the new gods, as the city's been having a rough time lately. The high priest, though, is not happy at all. Now, you might expect him to denounce the two as frauds, or to be a non-believer himself, especially when he's as human-sacrifice-happy as he is. But they play him as resigned to accept their godhood, even if they go against what he thinks of as gods. This alone lends their culture a level of reality, and the fact that the guys just stumbled into an existing conflict and became a facet in it really helps the movie avoid some of the flaws of this sort of movie. You know, where the native civilization seems to have been on pause for a few centuries until the white folks show up to get things started cough cough Atlantis.<br />
<br />
The film's biggest asset was the design. Bright and colorful, which characters that were exaggerated while still maintaining enough realism to connect to the audience. They actually look pretty much exactly like the Prince of Egypt characters, which is fine. Developing a house style helps them differentiate from Disney. And the El Dorado civilization is very well-designed. I was all set to be annoyed by the blending of Maya, Inca, Aztec, and Olmec that shows up in any movie set in pre (and just slightly post, in this case) Columbian Mesoamerica. To my own surprise, though, I didn't mind. It seemed fairly even and intentional when it did show up, and they also showed a lot of bizarre animals, driving home the point that El Dorado is a place apart from everything. My main animation problem is that old late-90s/early 00s bugbear that is CGI props. They still don't look remotely good.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwpdEIJXK8GqTmL44lvkm_RWI8aQJyjf_t9RJ9Rt4aWOWukUv7H96GOVrwTw1lk-BhfzdwOFEimT7tLLbCaicoivskdxSDy5I44mGoJ2Xj35faMeoEVnhGnwOo025eXpMz7zQ48L9Q0FQ/s1600/tumblr_inline_mzomqpiix71rckdue.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwpdEIJXK8GqTmL44lvkm_RWI8aQJyjf_t9RJ9Rt4aWOWukUv7H96GOVrwTw1lk-BhfzdwOFEimT7tLLbCaicoivskdxSDy5I44mGoJ2Xj35faMeoEVnhGnwOo025eXpMz7zQ48L9Q0FQ/s320/tumblr_inline_mzomqpiix71rckdue.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Second, I'm totally on board. They hit on a lot of ladies in this movie, but frankly, it mainly seems like overcompensating. Except for one thing I'll get to later.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The songs were... I guess they were fine? I watched this the first time two months ago, and made no notes on the music. Watched it again last week, and wrote a note that said "songs are fine?" So... I guess they are. I don't remember them at all. I remember they're mostly done by Elton in the background, Tarzan-style. There's one that Branagh and Kline sing, but I don't think there are any other actual musical numbers. This might bother some, but I'm a huge fan of musical numbers in non-musical movies, so I'm cool. I don't know. It was Elton John and Tim Rice, I'm sure it wasn't bad.<br />
<br />
That's pretty much it. I wish I had a more interesting take for you. Maybe our next movie - which I assure you will be MUCH quicker than this one was - will be more engaging. So come back soon for... [checks top of page] some nonsense about a horse.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6wp9QUuoGpPusCUkBzMqGQo4-KpBczYQkOemlJ64NSygkGRbgaCmmABPwbd_186KFKgpVjHuD8a2kg6yC2dkiso7h_NO45Zx-DqiOsVt-_g_EL6V6AA9fnYZXNsLg_gYdVrIK0L3WHpc/s1600/The-Road-to-El-Dorado-the-road-to-el-dorado-18327284-500-282.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6wp9QUuoGpPusCUkBzMqGQo4-KpBczYQkOemlJ64NSygkGRbgaCmmABPwbd_186KFKgpVjHuD8a2kg6yC2dkiso7h_NO45Zx-DqiOsVt-_g_EL6V6AA9fnYZXNsLg_gYdVrIK0L3WHpc/s320/The-Road-to-El-Dorado-the-road-to-el-dorado-18327284-500-282.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I mean.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS<br />
<br />
* The actual El Dorado myth started fairly small, being a probably exaggerated account of a native king being covered in gold dust at his coronation. The tale grew in the telling, as they do, until there were rumors and legends of a city made entirely of gold.<br />
<br />
* Jim Cummings is back yet again, playing Hernan Cortes, as well as a host of extras. He doesn't bring his A-game, I admit, but he is one of very few people who can deliver a line as cliche as "Well well well, what do we have here" and imbue it with actual gravitas. So good for him.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5kjL8LCN0US3mP9ujoq7fUWoBRuW9vK9ymWPNxT5HR7RuldXyFrZyEkRf1kV0Zxmi2CorGB7xmAiSQtKN7eUOvoCffHiJkac4IG5B936VO3pwCzjdykrefwB8WaGtuh-yv4ojbtrmHY0/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5kjL8LCN0US3mP9ujoq7fUWoBRuW9vK9ymWPNxT5HR7RuldXyFrZyEkRf1kV0Zxmi2CorGB7xmAiSQtKN7eUOvoCffHiJkac4IG5B936VO3pwCzjdykrefwB8WaGtuh-yv4ojbtrmHY0/s400/images.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Honestly.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
* A poster I found for the movie proudly and boldly declares that Ebert gave it a thumbs up. While he did really enjoy it, that seems like an odd thing to put on a poster, because it's a tacit admission that Siskel didn't like it.<br />
<br />
* Ebert did note one of the film's great strengths was mounting jokes. There's one bit where the guys appear to be lost at sea, but then they see a bird, which must mean they're near land! Then the bird drops dead. Then a shark eats it. That's a gag that lives or dies on its timing, and they do them very well.<br />
<br />
* Branagh can't maintain an American accent to save his life. Frankly, I wish he hadn't tried, because his fake American sounds distractingly like Kevin Kline, to the point that it took me a few minutes to work out which was which.<br /><br />* "You fight like my sister!" "I've fought your sister, that's a compliment."<br />
<br />
* Finally, for all my little jokes up there about how gay for each other the characters seem, at least one of them is not entirely. Please follow this link, as I give you, in gif form, <a href="https://45.media.tumblr.com/55fbe31eebc6c96ded3911099c641d2f/tumblr_nrxrm7Pmqj1qdfww1o1_r1_540.gif">the dirtiest thing I've seen in one of these movies so far.</a> And you CAN'T tell me that wasn't intentional.<br /><br />* If you don't get it, just look at where their heads come up in comparison to each other. Yeah. That's happening.The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-90925665324093611812015-11-08T19:06:00.001-08:002015-11-08T19:06:22.567-08:00The Prince of Egypt (Dreamworks, 1998)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well, Amblimation may have tanked after only three movies, but you can’t keep a good Spielberg down, and since he’d just recently founded a new studio with recording mogul David Geffen and former Disney exec and bad-decision-maker Jeff Katzenberg. So he trucked over Simon Wells and his animators and set them to making another animated film, now under the Dreamworks banner, with much better funding and infrastructure. And if there’s one thing Spielberg likes to tell stories about, it’s the plight of the Jewish people so...</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-57912a42-ea21-9069-49c6-ef0e53a04f47" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">PLAGUES!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">SLAVES!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A LEVEL OF HENOTHEISM THAT’S GOING TO BE HARD FOR RELIGIOUS AUTHORITIES TO EXPLAIN AWAY IN THE FUTURE!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IT’S </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">THE PRINCE OF EGYPT</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">!</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMHyzZz5AUxA6o_G7UBYdrtZlCZVyu5ju3_dGGvD0jPiXJRYRevcLPN5YfclONt6KDw8JyaZfE8yFUcsu_2EbLSdoPF-QKh4Si-IRWHEH-5Ibx2TE2pUbbhGh3ZRQn_4NDTFbOEnqcFRs/s1600/prince_of_egypt_ver2_xlg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMHyzZz5AUxA6o_G7UBYdrtZlCZVyu5ju3_dGGvD0jPiXJRYRevcLPN5YfclONt6KDw8JyaZfE8yFUcsu_2EbLSdoPF-QKh4Si-IRWHEH-5Ibx2TE2pUbbhGh3ZRQn_4NDTFbOEnqcFRs/s400/prince_of_egypt_ver2_xlg.jpg" width="267" /></a></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"></b><br />
<a name='more'></a><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Plot Summary</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Short version for those who don’t know: Way way back many centuries ago, the Hebrews were an enslaved race in Egypt*, forced to build pyramids**. Pharaoh*** thought there were too many of them and feared an uprising, so he had all their babies killed*. One of those babies was floated downriver, where it was found and raised by the Pharaoh’s wife as a prince, brother to the future Pharaoh*. Years later, the child, Moses, learned of his ancestry and was visited by the god of his people****. He returned to his brother, who was now Pharaoh***, and visited him with apocalyptic plagues** until he freed every slave in Egypt**. And they all lived happily ever after*****.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Probably didn’t happen.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">** Definitely didn’t happen.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*** Father and son are both just called Pharaoh in the bible. This movie makes them Seti I and Ramesses II, which many think to be the pharaohs depicted in the Bible, but if you look at the evidence, then l think you’ll find that **.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">**** That one’s up to you.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">***** Just kidding. They did a bunch of genocide and had to wander around for 40 years because Moses got uppity.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgno7bIeZf2sN6vLVOMPPpXIlRyqso39k6O1xXs_mXo_8QsDnKfsbMphGovm3EahiCIvct0PTzu7gB5AjjmrcRzXdA3phJAajgYNM15YIyXeiqVrEp3XUY7LAXMzLGtcH2mxiTQCybY_Js/s1600/prince2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgno7bIeZf2sN6vLVOMPPpXIlRyqso39k6O1xXs_mXo_8QsDnKfsbMphGovm3EahiCIvct0PTzu7gB5AjjmrcRzXdA3phJAajgYNM15YIyXeiqVrEp3XUY7LAXMzLGtcH2mxiTQCybY_Js/s400/prince2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Hey, Moses, who am I? Check it out, who am I? I'm Antonio Banderas in Evita."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Good Thing</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There are two things when adapting a bible story that must be extremely difficult. The first is characters, and they did that remarkably well. The characters of the Bible are archetypes at best, and that’s when they show any depth at all. The decision in this movie to focus entirely on the relationship between Moses and Ramesses was absolutely the right call. Ramesses is portrayed not as a cold, heartless king, but as a man struggling with the weight of a dynasty, desperate to not be the weak link Seti thought he would be. Likewise, Moses isn’t some towering, majestic messenger of God, like Charlton Heston’s rather goofy performance. He’s a shy man who was happy living out in the wilderness with his wife, and feels the burden of his God’s terrifying orders. The two want nothing more than to be the friends and brothers they were as children, but they are completely at odds, both fighting against an implacable foe, both unable to back down because of the reason they’re there. Moses is often framed with shots of nature or his people, Ramesses is often framed with enormous statues of his father or his gods. And while the other characters are rather thin, they’re supported by this excellent framework.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Bad Thing</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The other hard thing, unfortunately, they don’t do so well, and that’s the construction of the story. The Bible was, of course, purporting to be actual history, and as such, the stories can be a little point-by-point and rarely have any actual conclusion. This results in a movie with big sudden rushes of plot and then long stretches of wheel spinning. And while they do effectively portray the misery of the slaves, the fact that none of the Hebrews except Moses and to a lesser extent Aaron are active characters does mean their plight is a bit more like a MacGuffin than anything. There’s one other story issue, but we’ll get to that. First...</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGkoLtrZHnsBxIXDxyHsdfYahUAkrY_7Vt3oXtfVOkwAloN84TqQuxlzgqPxa7DxEV0I4Xg2ovbwWPH_GBWMJl9CXKNCmQTGwIB3cIs6djxjwke-ETdfPtuOKwxGAQJxJJBvwPH4-kdfM/s1600/the-prince-of-egypt-screenshot27.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGkoLtrZHnsBxIXDxyHsdfYahUAkrY_7Vt3oXtfVOkwAloN84TqQuxlzgqPxa7DxEV0I4Xg2ovbwWPH_GBWMJl9CXKNCmQTGwIB3cIs6djxjwke-ETdfPtuOKwxGAQJxJJBvwPH4-kdfM/s400/the-prince-of-egypt-screenshot27.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Polite of God to leave a little non-bloody area to stand in.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Good Thing</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is probably the best looking movie I’ve reviewed for this blog. The animation is insanely good, with none of that weird late-90s CGI integration. There is CGI, mind, but it’s absolutely seamless. The characters are consistent and dynamic, and stylized while still having a higher standard of realism than Disney was using at the time. The 10 plagues were particularly good looking. SPEAKING OF...</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Bad Thing</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The other problem with Bible stories... Unless you already believe in them... Okay, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’m going to rip this band-aid off. God is an absolute psycho in this story. Just a full blown lunatic. He murders thousands of people who have nothing to do with the enslavement of the Hebrews, up to, including, and specifically targeting CHILDREN. And due to the aforementioned character-driven and humanistic nature of the story, the movie seems to be on my side here. I wouldn’t even call it a “bad thing” as such if not for the fact that we’re clearly supposed to be on his side. The first nine plagues are portrayed with a musical montage of fairly shocking brutality, and tenth is covered by a scene where the hand of God is shown TERRORIZING the Hebrews and MURDERING the Egyptian children ON SCREEN. So if the movie was going for it, they did so very effectively, but then at the end, Moses walks down the mountain with some commandments, all smiling at his people’s happiness. It’s jarring, and God is clearly in the wrong. And he’s even worse in the Bible, when Pharaoh is ready to change his mind, and God changes it FOR HIM just to show off some more.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And don’t think for a second it doesn’t make me nervous that no religious authorities had an issue with the way God was played in this. They ran this story past Christian, Jewish, and Muslim leaders, and they were all fine with it. It was only banned in one Muslim country, and you KNOW how conservative Muslims with political power feel about depictions of their prophets. They are usually not on board. Anyway, I’ll let David Willis cover this aspect...</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh81btmBv1mbZ5F3EYZBq_XkEQZnZiaZH3fINkbFrNdVZLzJVQlQS_NXnBt51aW-Y3bAz73762EcfpAOVmweLgStgS2313L99YMbDNJU6hN2RU58KT9HRB6B6o9yPrY4oUMe3aM247InB0/s1600/1380254687-2013-09-27-lookwhatyoumademedo.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh81btmBv1mbZ5F3EYZBq_XkEQZnZiaZH3fINkbFrNdVZLzJVQlQS_NXnBt51aW-Y3bAz73762EcfpAOVmweLgStgS2313L99YMbDNJU6hN2RU58KT9HRB6B6o9yPrY4oUMe3aM247InB0/s640/1380254687-2013-09-27-lookwhatyoumademedo.png" width="430" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Read more at <a href="http://shortpacked.com/">shortpacked.com</a>. Also <a href="http://dumbingofage.com/">dumbingofage.com</a>, my favorite webcomic ever.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Good Thing</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Speaking of that plagues song, the music is great. Remember how I once said that Stephen Schwartz can’t do whimsy well, but he can do </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> portentous, overdramatic anguish well? Well, it’s a Bible movie, so portentous overdramatism is the way to go! Even the comic relief get a scary song.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Bad Thing</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Speaking of the bible, the women of the story get so little to do. Once again, they try to amend this by giving them each some featured moments, but with the plot already written in (alleged) history, it just makes them cheerleaders for the men. Moses’s wife is introduced as kind of a fun badass (their romance is one of the film’s montages, and is just adorable), but as soon as they marry, she’s just the lady standing behind Moses. But hey, at least there wasn’t a sequel, or else they would have had to figure out what to do with her when Moses was leading a bloody genocide against her people. The Bible! You know they give that book to kids? </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR-GC5lZ3bXSe-Z6P6j9pBDloUgEcmdbSU7I7C1uwCGbeByn2i6KTQsErBqVRBwh_yivlW81c_y011s9N94wLmbCl12RIY09JA73kmoiO4MXyDkG6SPKX6Cc0kYp_Rontg-aOlQHxkowQ/s1600/10p.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="263" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR-GC5lZ3bXSe-Z6P6j9pBDloUgEcmdbSU7I7C1uwCGbeByn2i6KTQsErBqVRBwh_yivlW81c_y011s9N94wLmbCl12RIY09JA73kmoiO4MXyDkG6SPKX6Cc0kYp_Rontg-aOlQHxkowQ/s400/10p.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You can also buy them these, if you're some kind of freak.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Good Thing</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Most of the voice acting is just astoundingly good, perfectly complimenting the animation. Ralph Fiennes as Ramesses is a particular standout, with a lot of extremely tricky emotions to play. Patrick Stewart also rocks as Seti. He rarely gets to play a straight up villain, and the cold indifference in his voice as he discusses the slaughter of the Hebrew infants is legitimately chilling. He slightly modifies his famous voice to sound more like Ralph Fiennes, which was good. Jeff Goldblum plays Aaron, which was a bit jarring for a moment, but I quickly got into it. Rather than immediately becoming Moses’s faithful sidekick as he does in the Bible, Aaron is cast as the scornful doubter, bitterly mocking the spoiled rich boy leader and his apparently uncaring god. It’s career-best work from Goldblum, seriously. And speaking of jarring, I braced for the worst when I heard Steve Martin and Martin Short as the court magicians, but while they were comic relief, they still maintained an air of dignity and menace that I did not expect from two comics.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Bad Thing</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">AND THEN SOMEONE CALLED VAL KILMER. There’s only one voice in the film I have a problem with. Michelle Pfeiffer and Sandra Bullock as Tzipporah and Miriam, his wife and sister, are bland but acceptable, but Val Kilmer as Moses is so dull and bland and out of place, especially when sharing the stage with Ralph Feinnes. The intent, I assume, was to emphasize the humility and hesitance of this interpretation of Moses, but the just comes across as flat. Kilmer also plays the voice of God (insert your own joke about God being a voice in your head), and does a much better job at that. His God is so full of quiet menace, and it’s quite creepy and fitting with the God required for this story who is, as I mentioned, kind of a monster. Kilmer’s singing double also sounds nothing like him. Most of them are fine, if somewhat pointless. I mean, Brian Stokes Mitchell sings for Danny Glover’s character, just hire Brian Stokes Mitchell to play the part. He’s got a great voice, and there’s only like four non-singing lines. Nice work for Danny Glover, I guess. Fiennes, Martin, and Short do their own singing, and good for them. Moses’s mom is played by an Israeli singer who recorded her part in 17 languages for the dubs, so hey, good for her.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdRW5B-SIwxCkr74K5j0y0O8avAPSTh2L-8-JL9ghqRCEh1KsOOhL2ru1eRn88T60WbJ2hW2gELmTKjlAuF-oS9Mm7bldCBkXvCBCmNu6fw7oPCilA-wjh2n0Qul9A1rYzGPLMONMp9ks/s1600/tumblr_inline_n47lr2nN1q1s79ujh.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdRW5B-SIwxCkr74K5j0y0O8avAPSTh2L-8-JL9ghqRCEh1KsOOhL2ru1eRn88T60WbJ2hW2gELmTKjlAuF-oS9Mm7bldCBkXvCBCmNu6fw7oPCilA-wjh2n0Qul9A1rYzGPLMONMp9ks/s400/tumblr_inline_n47lr2nN1q1s79ujh.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Hey, quick show of hands, do we really want to worship this guy? Aaron? I know you're on the fence about him already."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Conclusion</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Do see this movie. It looks fantastic, the songs are great, and the character work is phenomenal. But do be prepared for a movie that is more good looking than well-written. There are a number of very compelling moments nestled snugly into a plot that’s a little creepy as soon as you give it any thought. In short, it’s a movie that speaks strongly to the emotions, but can’t withstand much input from the brain. Again, make your own joke about religion. I’m trying not to annoy anyone. I’ve got a blog to run here.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* The Ten Commandments is really a super-goofy movie. It’s not bad, as 1950s Technicolor Epics go, but it’s incredibly silly. The plague of blood is the best part. Aaron turns the weirdly yellow river red, and some extra yells “The water is turning into blood!” Then a fountain of a god starts flowing red and someone yells “Blood flows from the god!” Then they cut to a wide shot of the same, and someone yells “It is blood!” Holy cow, guys, we get it.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd5XF3MZ8S7Gpsc6_6N5riUsE5vF66HM0b7f_unKoHq3NV9MlNk40BfyWGZaolAKGRiJ9rrFqKBFkuGq7cFxyEz2_zEEOphV4hMwWDgc9o3g5m89YjgnjNl1kffC7FLZnjnNmViJ4caqM/s1600/B8sVdp.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd5XF3MZ8S7Gpsc6_6N5riUsE5vF66HM0b7f_unKoHq3NV9MlNk40BfyWGZaolAKGRiJ9rrFqKBFkuGq7cFxyEz2_zEEOphV4hMwWDgc9o3g5m89YjgnjNl1kffC7FLZnjnNmViJ4caqM/s400/B8sVdp.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">"God has made the water into blood!" "I'm more concerned about whatever was wrong with it before."<br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Probably shouldn’t say holy cow around Moses. He gets tetchy. Bible joke.</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Katzenberg wasn’t solely a bad decision maker, by the way. I know I like to poke fun at him here for his dumber choices, but he did spearhead the Disney Renaissance, and made a lot of other good choices. It just took him a while to adjust to animation, and The Black Cauldron is not a great place to start your career. He’s the big animation guy at Dreamworks, and they generally do all right... with some missteps. As we shall see.</span></div>
The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-63080774924093336442015-10-12T20:01:00.001-07:002015-10-12T20:01:07.789-07:00Balto (Amblimation, 1995)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And thus it is that we reach our final feature in the short and undistinguished life of Amblimation, and it’s a real shame, because after two shambling messes (you’ll hear about Feivel Goes West, don’t worry) they’ve finally made something that has a bit of original spark in it. It certainly has a coherent tone, which is a vast improvement in itself. This movie hints at a studio that specializes in more mature, thoughtful, realistic fare than its competitors, a Disney that followed the path of The Fox and the Hound rather than The Little Mermaid, only in a good way. Did it manage it successfully? Ehh. Mostly.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-a4f6ab51-5f1d-103e-06f5-200e6c9bee09" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">SNOW!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ICE!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">REMARKABLY ONLY ONE DOG IN CLOTHING, AND IT’S A BANDANA, WHICH IS HARDLY UNUSUAL!</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IT’S BALTO!</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivXA6Z9wfT_dAsxbWiUZpTmSoOM7-4G9ia_v5xfjCji3d1J-wuCZ9XS53T3G2xu4_KBhl_9El-y8dKxMBlJZ7wYUaYLKKFV6MkJwS6zoZj1WfvQXmILMICKr3UKTEYr214KamQccIvLx0/s1600/54.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivXA6Z9wfT_dAsxbWiUZpTmSoOM7-4G9ia_v5xfjCji3d1J-wuCZ9XS53T3G2xu4_KBhl_9El-y8dKxMBlJZ7wYUaYLKKFV6MkJwS6zoZj1WfvQXmILMICKr3UKTEYr214KamQccIvLx0/s640/54.jpg" width="424" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Been a while since we've had an overly busy 90s poster.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If the name rings a bell, you probably heard about it in grade school on some sort of reading assignment. The film is vaguely based on the true story of the sled dog Balto, who led the final team that brought a shipment of diphtheria antitoxin to Nome, Alaska, where an epidemic was threatening to rampage through the town’s children. Balto demonstrated remarkable talent and courage, guiding the sled through whiteout blizards when the driver couldn’t see his hands in front of his face, saving the team when the sled fell into a river, and running the final two legs of the relay when they found the final driver and his team asleep, and decided not to wait for him. While Balto and his musher, Gunnar Kaasen, didn’t drive the longest and most perilous leg of the relay (that would be Balto’s owner and trainer Leonhard Seppala and his prize dog Togo), he did perform admirably, and as the dog who delivered the medicine, got the lion’s share of the glory. Er, wolf’s share. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then he was sold to a circus and died chained up in a little room somewhere.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then he was taxedermied. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSnKqaHDUg2PJ-AfJ1XZVpIJ_8uSnwv1VAod2pU_HMiip3rm65pZJ4LeJmPIHsW9_d-4bwKDm36XrirIjfKCc51aBA4ZNUGubMbe_Uj63BZsDPyrYf5q-uek905YkH3mQC4yLjWyvEBZQ/s1600/We-re-Back-A-Dinosaur-s-Story-were-back-a-dinosaurs-story-9119357-1280-1024.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSnKqaHDUg2PJ-AfJ1XZVpIJ_8uSnwv1VAod2pU_HMiip3rm65pZJ4LeJmPIHsW9_d-4bwKDm36XrirIjfKCc51aBA4ZNUGubMbe_Uj63BZsDPyrYf5q-uek905YkH3mQC4yLjWyvEBZQ/s400/We-re-Back-A-Dinosaur-s-Story-were-back-a-dinosaurs-story-9119357-1280-1024.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">womp womp</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But the story of Balto lived on, and in the mid-1990s, the time was right for a film adaptation. There was quite the little trend of dogsledding movies at the time, including Call of the Wild, White Fang, Iron Will, and others, so it’s no surprise Balto occurred to Spielberg as a property to develop. The fact that Balto was racing to rescue sick children also provided a key hook for the movie.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Obviously, they had to sexy up the story a little bit for the big screen, winding up with something not quite entirely resembling the truth. I mean, it was closer than Pocahontas. It was sure as hell closer than Anastasia. In the movie, Balto is not a born and raised, fully trained, purebred sled dog, he’s a stray half-wolf who runs off to help the team when they get lost, and their musher gets incapacitated. It’s also not a relay in the film, but rather one team making the whole run, so screw you, Togo. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To jump right to my usual question of “was the film story worth the changes to the real story”, I can easily say absolutely yes. The core adventure story of the rescue mission is exciting and well-animated, and the tale easily bears the addition of a love interest and a villain. The villain, Steele, is particularly good. The egotistical leader of the sled team, Steele is set up as a Gaston-type, a big and strong Miles Gloriosus who is undone by his hubris, but in a nice twist on this sort of character’s usual portrayal, his brains are what make him a threat. When Balto is being considered for the sled team, Steele tricks him into exposing his teeth, making the humans realize he’s half wolf and dismiss him. When he loses the trust of the sled team out in the woods and Balto takes over, Steele doesn’t jump on him and try to rip his throat out, he runs ahead and destroys the marks Balto left to find his way back. A clever antagonist keeps the movie interesting, and none of the things he or any of the other dogs do are things that seem particularly un-doglike, which is nice after all that Don Bluth stuff.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirPV00oWHKDwCc0R4evXH72V8KwQtrgjTetn4_39aZvw9LFk8Qlx9OFFyJ7P5fFLCaywqQvxupaUEq-Gpbms06CwMTDaFMg415UKkkfG0kj1oLqv_c67X_txPfltH42TA7Eqdx4XxT6cA/s1600/We%2527re_Back%2521_Movie_Poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirPV00oWHKDwCc0R4evXH72V8KwQtrgjTetn4_39aZvw9LFk8Qlx9OFFyJ7P5fFLCaywqQvxupaUEq-Gpbms06CwMTDaFMg415UKkkfG0kj1oLqv_c67X_txPfltH42TA7Eqdx4XxT6cA/s400/We%2527re_Back%2521_Movie_Poster.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not that they don't slip up occasionally.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Voices are mostly solid. Kevin Bacon delivers a very Kevin Bacony performance as Balto, in that he’s fine, but a bit out of his depth as a leading man. Bacon has had the misfortune of being a character actor with a lead’s face and body, a fate that has stricken quite a few, but he does take to voice work pretty well, even if they don’t let him do anything interesting. Bridget Fonda is more boring but less charming as his love interest. Bob Hoskins does predictably well as Balto’s mentor figure, an old Russian goose. Phil Collins plays two polar bears, one of whom speaks in words, the other in grunts and mumbles. This is very odd, as at this point, Collins was just a widely derided pop singer whose acting experience consisted of one dreadful star vehicle, a small part in a TV movie, and a cameo in Hook. I’m not complaining, though, because his voice work is so goofy and winning that I barely even noticed that the characters are useless. Veteran voice actors Danny Mann, Jack Angel, and Robbie Rist play sled dogs.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A special paragraph of credit goes to Jim Cummings as Steele. I mentioned before on this blog that Cummings brings his all to a leading movie role. This is not to discredit his fine, reliable work in TV, advertising, and bit parts, I’m just saying he knows the difference between the craft needed for a lead role in a theatrical film and the craft needed for cranking out 30 episodes of Bonkers in an afternoon. Guy’s a total pro. His voice for Steele is unlike any I’ve heard from him before. A more sly and crafty variation on his usual tough guy voice, you can hear the vanity, insecurity, and ego dripping off every syllable. Top notch work. And surprisingly sexy. Not in an “I’d like to have sex with that cartoon dog” way, though I’m sure you could find fanart in pretty short order. But one of the flaws with Beauty and the Beast is that Gaston is so shallow and obnoxious, I didn’t buy that every woman in town was into him, I don’t care how good at expectorating he is. Steele is much better at presentation. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuZY_oMETWVlSKZVohy1qAHrYRPdS4PDmQei-HNFzrbQ3Ud1lAGIi_A81appAHYynriPAf6qez8uDKOh-KWfadPQjx55M2b7-iniD8hg9APRYxA5dqKd3dMyME9ci26pypUV3Pj-mXAAI/s1600/wereback2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuZY_oMETWVlSKZVohy1qAHrYRPdS4PDmQei-HNFzrbQ3Ud1lAGIi_A81appAHYynriPAf6qez8uDKOh-KWfadPQjx55M2b7-iniD8hg9APRYxA5dqKd3dMyME9ci26pypUV3Pj-mXAAI/s400/wereback2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And his coloration is way more similar to the real Balto, who can be seen above, stuffed with sawdust.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And that’s the end of the story for Amblimation. A noble idea, poorly executed, but they did pull their act together for their final feature. Balto isn’t going to top any lists any time soon, but it’s a decent, solid story with some good character work and fun action. Sure, it’s a bit cliche, and the story drags a bit toward the end, but there are far worse movies out there. Fortunately, Spielberg didn’t get out of the feature animation game entirely, but his next venture really had their work better organized. It was a little company called Dreamworks, and they’re who we’ll be looking at next.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Other talented character actors with lead actors’ faces and bodies include Alec Baldwin, Anna Kendrick, Jeff Bridges, and James Marsden. Steve Buscemi and Stanley Tucci are lead actors with character actors’ faces and bodies. Channing Tatum is a comedy actor with an action star’s face and body. I don’t know what Taylor Kitsch is, but I think it’s time Hollywood cuts their losses on trying to figure out.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Phil Collins was not the most inexplicable cameo in Hook. David Crosby and Jimmy Buffett are on the pirate crew, the bearded pirate Hook shoves into the “Boo Box” is Glenn Close, the kissing couple on the bridge are George Lucas and Carrie Fisher, and for some insane reason, Julia Roberts plays Tinker Bell.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSfeSJ_GCVY6-CJFRjcobzUkddhyphenhyphenZmWFxLu36OWchHfoR8dvhFO-dkWU2526HOVHLqogil2mkIT4WJgcgkfVsTIJIpZxZxnmTE3xbmsAesUcTCvvUmiG1CfPaGGSs5zk7l0FMe4kel58s/s1600/11419_0_screenshot.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSfeSJ_GCVY6-CJFRjcobzUkddhyphenhyphenZmWFxLu36OWchHfoR8dvhFO-dkWU2526HOVHLqogil2mkIT4WJgcgkfVsTIJIpZxZxnmTE3xbmsAesUcTCvvUmiG1CfPaGGSs5zk7l0FMe4kel58s/s400/11419_0_screenshot.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I see that bear gets his highlights done at the same place <a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/11/Venom_Returns.jpg">as Venom</a>.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* I can’t describe how pleased I am that the dogs were not depicted wearing random articles of clothing like some Don Bluth nonsense. But two of them did have purple fur.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* There’s a live-action framing sequence featuring Miriam Margolyes as one of the kids Balto saved, now an old woman taking her granddaughter around Central Park looking for the Balto statue. While there is a Balto statue in central park, it was a bit odd to open in New York City. Still, better than them wandering around a museum in Ohio looking for Balto’s taxedermied body.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSnKqaHDUg2PJ-AfJ1XZVpIJ_8uSnwv1VAod2pU_HMiip3rm65pZJ4LeJmPIHsW9_d-4bwKDm36XrirIjfKCc51aBA4ZNUGubMbe_Uj63BZsDPyrYf5q-uek905YkH3mQC4yLjWyvEBZQ/s1600/We-re-Back-A-Dinosaur-s-Story-were-back-a-dinosaurs-story-9119357-1280-1024.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSnKqaHDUg2PJ-AfJ1XZVpIJ_8uSnwv1VAod2pU_HMiip3rm65pZJ4LeJmPIHsW9_d-4bwKDm36XrirIjfKCc51aBA4ZNUGubMbe_Uj63BZsDPyrYf5q-uek905YkH3mQC4yLjWyvEBZQ/s400/We-re-Back-A-Dinosaur-s-Story-were-back-a-dinosaurs-story-9119357-1280-1024.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"They couldn't even bring me back to Alaska?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Especially since the real Balto had distinctive markings that don’t resemble the cartoon one at all.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Speaking of old British actors, I totally forgot to mention that one of the “additional voices” in the last movie was Downton Abbey’s own Jim Carter. Not that big a deal, but you know how I love seeing names I recognize in “additional voices”.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* At one point, the goose is standing by a window, and a butcher reaches out, grabs him by the neck, drags him inside, and tries to chop his head off. Without killing him first, or cleaning him, or anything. I question this butcher’s planning abilities and butching skill. Zero stars, would not shop again.</span></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9ixoei1-WRfRQU-P4zaN7smbrgslxCL61uq2jwUriSwlILrPFUGPtzlvP2QqX08r1w2P4YpBWTLkuGwfcDhn84IO6jOegCj18hJPlAngaeH42RQYtCZay5ClsiayBIBGfI0h0tO1RphM/s1600/We-re-Back-A-Dinosaur-s-Story-were-back-a-dinosaurs-story-9060842-1280-1024.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9ixoei1-WRfRQU-P4zaN7smbrgslxCL61uq2jwUriSwlILrPFUGPtzlvP2QqX08r1w2P4YpBWTLkuGwfcDhn84IO6jOegCj18hJPlAngaeH42RQYtCZay5ClsiayBIBGfI0h0tO1RphM/s400/We-re-Back-A-Dinosaur-s-Story-were-back-a-dinosaurs-story-9060842-1280-1024.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"You know I wouldn't be here if I hadn't done Super Mario Brothers two years ago, right? The offers start drying up after a turd like that."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* I’m just saying, when that chef tried to cook Sebastian in The Little Mermaid, he was cooking crabs anyway, and Sebastian was on his table, so he was a lot more justified.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* The lead animator for Balto, a former Disney jobber named Jeffrey Varab, made this movie the same year he animated the lead character in Casper, which is actually a HUGE milestone in filmmaking. Casper was the first CGI lead character in a movie (any movie, not just live action. Beat Toy Story by six months), and the first CGI character to interact realistically with human actors. I assume he finds that more a feather in his cap than the pretty okay dog movie, but I don’t presume to speak for him.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Hey, you know in a movie when a guy shows a lady something pretty, and she says it’s beautiful, and he looks at her and says yes it is? Can we never do that again? It’s the worst.</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* At one point, the goose says he was so scared, he got people bumps. Heh.</span></div>
The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-48076706096039081562015-09-27T18:36:00.001-07:002016-04-02T08:30:45.490-07:00We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story (Amblimation, 1993)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>We're skipping past the first Amblimation film, as my sister, a guest reviewer, writes about as fast as I do. But the short version: Steven Spielberg made an animation studio, but forgot to bring any ideas. Also, all three movies they made are directed by H.G. Wells' great grandson. Weird.</i></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Okay, I have some loyal readers here, so I trust what I’m about to say carries some weight. You’ve sat with me through Rock-a-doodle, Quest For Camelot, and Animalympics, so you know where I’m coming from when I say that this movie, this freaking movie, is the WEIRDEST thing I’ve ever seen. And it’s probably not even nearly as weird as it could have been, for reasons we’ll get to at the end. But I don’t think any of the films I’ve seen so far in this endeavor have filled me with quite as much utter bafflement as this.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">MONSTERS!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">WISHES!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ONE SONG!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">LISA SIMPSON!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IT’S WE’RE BACK! A DINOSAUR’S STORY</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6ed520c5-118d-2549-d56b-34121c86739f" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUPEpafnAiHQiNJiKpTR6XX1IImtlaqjMJlga28BJsF34ZufyuS2n5bNHfQ5vL63pO0LVesNlcuCwBKC9lngAgqAVRrXL585jRInDMOD4YIGxr11ypz9cfWSqO4pMCW6E5NKXGjbwrSKc/s1600/We%2527re_Back%2521_Movie_Poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUPEpafnAiHQiNJiKpTR6XX1IImtlaqjMJlga28BJsF34ZufyuS2n5bNHfQ5vL63pO0LVesNlcuCwBKC9lngAgqAVRrXL585jRInDMOD4YIGxr11ypz9cfWSqO4pMCW6E5NKXGjbwrSKc/s400/We%2527re_Back%2521_Movie_Poster.jpg" width="263" /></a></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"></b><br />
<a name='more'></a><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Let’s start with that title. First of all, that is the title, punctuation and all. We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story is based on a 1987 picture book about an alien that feeds a bunch of dinosaurs a special vitamin called Brain Grain that makes them sentient. Not wanting to leave these newly intelligent dinos in the past, the alien brings them to 20th century New York, where they can stay at the Museum of Natural History in the care of Dr. Miriam Bleeb. There is some confusion as they walk through the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, first being mistaken for animatronics, then causing alarm after they pop a balloon. After some hubbub, Dr. Bleeb convinces everyone they were just a promotional stunt for the museum, and there they stay. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Nice little plot for a kid’s book, no? But hardly what you’d call feature length. So they decided to expand the plot. And that’s when things get weird. Here are the three methods of padding, in order of increasing insanity.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the film version, the Brain Grain is a breakfast cereal, invented by a human from the far future named Professor Neweyes, who lives in sort of a steampunk blimp. The cereal has made him insanely wealthy, and he’s decided to retire and devote himself to philanthropy. He invented a Wish Radio, that allows him to hear the wishes of all the world’s children. And the most common wish is to see a real live dinosaur. So he came back to grant that wish. He told Dr. Bleeb to expect them, and drops them into NYC via parachute. I don’t know why he brings them to the late 20th century instead of his own time, or why he doesn’t just fly his blimp to the museum directly, or how he set this up with Dr. Bleeb, or why he’s bringing dinosaurs back instead of curing AIDS, but hey, he’s the guy with the wish radio.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1RCtGvmPPsE7lV8BrudTgrZ2qzheXb4m3XuRo5YOH52jrnS1ZhyV0U2X0WPQcqLcZDXv2ncHjSom5YBfyyPPUJgq-qBThDqcgsbYd_qbC4DyBp9_phoa9TAGJs62mPXQs6U_wyrDc0js/s1600/We-re-Back-A-Dinosaur-s-Story-were-back-a-dinosaurs-story-9060842-1280-1024.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1RCtGvmPPsE7lV8BrudTgrZ2qzheXb4m3XuRo5YOH52jrnS1ZhyV0U2X0WPQcqLcZDXv2ncHjSom5YBfyyPPUJgq-qBThDqcgsbYd_qbC4DyBp9_phoa9TAGJs62mPXQs6U_wyrDc0js/s400/We-re-Back-A-Dinosaur-s-Story-were-back-a-dinosaurs-story-9060842-1280-1024.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Why does this movie make no sense, Professor." "Because that's the way it is." For an explanation of this joke, see the bit about the voice actors.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Of course, we need more than just a dumb opening, so let’s throw in some annoying kids, too! After all, how else are you going to get kids to pay attention to the movie? Kids famously hate and get bored by dinosaurs. So let’s through in the two most stereotypical kids’ movie leads ever. First, we have Louie. Louie is a supremely irritating “cool kid”, who’s running away from home. Despite the fact that he is in New York City, and not 1840s Missouri, he is choosing to travel by raft. When we meet him, he is making himself an egg sandwich on an incredibly impractical Rube Goldberg contraption that must have taken five times as long as the raft to build, and required an exceptional amount of planning, engineering, and forethought. He’s running away to join the circus. Be more of a cliche, kid. I dare you. He eventually meets up with a Poor Little Rich Girl named Cecilia Nuthatch, and if you missed that, she’ll say it a thousand times more. She has been abandoned by her parents with the hilariously vague explanation "My father is in business, and my mother is in society", so Louie is easily able to convince her to run off to the circus with him. AND THERE'S THE THIRD THING. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Okay, so they finally get to the circus and it’s called “PROFESSOR SCREWEYES’ ECCENTRIC CIRCUS”. See, when the dinosaurs came to our time - bear with me here - Professor Neweyes warned them that his brother, Screweyes, is also living in that time period? Why? Who knows. How did he get a time machine? Who knows. Does he think that a circus founded on the notion of exposing people to their deepest fears is a moneymaker? It might be, actually. But this audience doesn’t seem to be enjoying themselves. Anyway, he allows Louie and Cecilia Nuthatch to join his circus, and they sign a blank piece of paper with their blood, and a contract magically appears when they do. Our Louis is not a canny businessman. And by the way, Screweyes didn’t tempt them into it, either. He wanted them to leave, because who wouldn’t, and Louie badgered him into it. Idiot. Anyway, he’s got a nightmare radio, obviously, and kids are scared of monsters, so he makes the dinosaurs into monsters, but Louie snaps them out of it with The Power of Love. Which makes no sense, as Screweyes just removed the effects of the Brain Grain, so how did the effect just pop back in? It’s not like he had a hypnotic block on them or anything. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjVGhBxkBhhuNow7QYuh8Lu629_rqPPX_BuHm6qdkn4zftZKgY0YkA9rfz9pWmklLKEe1PUh7wJtNIt6YWbxPSNBv05ERPmamA1LbvGD7kKtI6Wl5tjyGNt-raZmv8GNsC2b8VKWn_vdc/s1600/54.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjVGhBxkBhhuNow7QYuh8Lu629_rqPPX_BuHm6qdkn4zftZKgY0YkA9rfz9pWmklLKEe1PUh7wJtNIt6YWbxPSNBv05ERPmamA1LbvGD7kKtI6Wl5tjyGNt-raZmv8GNsC2b8VKWn_vdc/s400/54.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Blood contract, huh? Seems legit."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Anyway, then Screweyes is eaten alive by some crows that have been lurking around the place since the beginning. Really. On screen and everything. He has a monologue about the nature of fear and loneliness, and then they swarm him and when they fly away, only his screw eye (oh yeah, he has a literal one of those) is left.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And it’s that last bit that gives me the most pause, because Screweyes was meant to be voiced by John Malkovich. Malkovich left the film in a bit of a huff, and has since described it as a work of real creative vision that was ruined by executive hacks who wanted to sell toys, and I can’t tell if he’s right. I mean, there is a lot in here that smacks of studio jackassery, like some wacky chase sequences and a lot of jokes about how the triceratops loves hot dogs, but the other stuff... I just don’t know if I can imagine it being really good. I mean, a lot of it - most of it, even - is winningly strange, at least. There’s one bit, where Professor Screweyes is tuning his nightmare radio, that’s really slow and methodical and creepy, and I can kind of see the movie it almost was... But I can also see an aimless movie more concerned with being spooky and weird than actually telling a coherent story. Like if Ralph Bakshi made a dinosaur movie. It would look great, it would have a lot of great moments, but the odds of it hanging together coherently as a story would be nothing.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYxQOPSxUiXcJ4hwmOrkMB7m7JdIuQb7OHroyBF3jiSUKOs10026yfrPp8w6cAxpIWeslDVv5eUbzyUt4-tPO3hXIWD8U1J0t1ui1hJCa3SEfl_aldhQP3CeeXfO54tlePtEhI8bYhGTc/s1600/We-re-Back-A-Dinosaur-s-Story-were-back-a-dinosaurs-story-9119357-1280-1024.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYxQOPSxUiXcJ4hwmOrkMB7m7JdIuQb7OHroyBF3jiSUKOs10026yfrPp8w6cAxpIWeslDVv5eUbzyUt4-tPO3hXIWD8U1J0t1ui1hJCa3SEfl_aldhQP3CeeXfO54tlePtEhI8bYhGTc/s400/We-re-Back-A-Dinosaur-s-Story-were-back-a-dinosaurs-story-9119357-1280-1024.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The hell is even happening.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">While we’re on the topic, though, the voices are... Weird. Not bad, actually. Not one of them is bad, they’re just really, really weird. For example, John Goodman is the T-rex, our hero. And if you’re thinking John Goodman as a T-rex sounds like really good casting, I agree. This is rather tempered by the fact that he’s doing a Bing Crosby impression the whole time. Except when he’s singing the film’s one song. Or when he apparently forgets. No one else notable in the dinosaur gang other than former Roger Rabbit star Charles Fleischer, but the supporting cast is where things get really interesting. A lot of them aren’t actors, for instance. The three that put together this terrible dinosaur plan are a TV chef, a late night host, and a freaking news anchor. But it works. Julia Child is wacky and motherly as Dr. Bleeb, Jay Leno is energetic and manic as the alien guy, and Walter Cronkite exudes concern and love as Neweyes. Louie the idiot is played by some kid who played a recurring character on GhostWriter, and Larry King shows up playing himself, as he was required by law to do in all movies released between 1982 and 1998. Ken Mars does his usual admirable job as Screweyes, wisely deciding to not even attempt a Malkovich voice. But the weirdest part is Yeardley Smith as Cecilia Nuthatch. I am not ready to hear Lisa Simpson talking like a dreamy, ditzy rich girl making weird, semi-sexual advances on Louie. (No joke, the level of sexual tension they are trying to convey between the lead children is REALLY inappropriate and uncomfortable.)</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGxM9pqXrS0PSxqAB1KQ23UPbc7PbquE_LlX7_pjVq5jvCUUTH3O6NB_hBGgjco_jzNYaW6Ox0kP2QjHqIyMf_e3kyB6Wonc_h96ggfM2f-X-u3JqSyP0uV-UhyphenhyphenBsgYbrbAJYcDokn1IE/s1600/jnkenz8ssvvjfzyga4iigdgbojb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGxM9pqXrS0PSxqAB1KQ23UPbc7PbquE_LlX7_pjVq5jvCUUTH3O6NB_hBGgjco_jzNYaW6Ox0kP2QjHqIyMf_e3kyB6Wonc_h96ggfM2f-X-u3JqSyP0uV-UhyphenhyphenBsgYbrbAJYcDokn1IE/s400/jnkenz8ssvvjfzyga4iigdgbojb.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hey kid, wanna buy an O?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That’s really all there is to say. See this if you want to analyze a really insane movie, but trust me, there are WAY better dinosaur movies to show your kids. Just... Just not Dinosaur. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Did every kid’s movie from this time period have some sort of insane Rube Goldberg contraption to make a simple task complicated and tedious? I see a lot of those in kids’ movies, and I think they’re meant to say “WOW, COOL”, when the entire joke of Rube Goldberg was “That’s stupid”. It’s missing the dang point. At least the one in Casper was possibly deadly.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Best line in the movie, courtesy of Screweyes! “Don’t even think about it! You’re civilized now, and I’ve got a contract! You’re going to follow it like the chumps you are!”</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* At one point, Cecilia Nuthatch is crying and saying “Let no bad happen”. Did she turn into a caveman for a second, or was that a placeholder line that got left in? Anyway, that’s what makes Neweyes show up to save the day. He heard “Let no bad happen” on the wish radio. It’s so dumb.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* If you were wondering what I meant by inappropriate sexual tension between kids, consider this ACTUAL DIALOGUE.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(Cecilia kisses Louie on the lips)</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Louie: Don't do that!</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Cecilia: Why not?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Louie: It's embarrassing! You kiss me and everything! It's not manly, that's what it is!</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Cecilia: You know, you're right!</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Louie: I am!</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Cecilia: Why, yes! If anybody's kissing anybody, you should be kissing me.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Louie: I should?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Cecilia: Most definitely!</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">These people are like ten! At the oldest!</span></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWj2QApPib8T7TfSNvHpF1dlFfzCMohRVkuWbQWhlQaTyyzN967rKv5PtKuJYwfT_mbO0IaEQeHXQNIK08zfA2BAjt1nvOnpmll83UmBeRGtFteQrJH35XniDd_DXqqsHW_b-Pin8qImc/s1600/tumblr_lu4m1yEiIc1qzquwto1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="341" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWj2QApPib8T7TfSNvHpF1dlFfzCMohRVkuWbQWhlQaTyyzN967rKv5PtKuJYwfT_mbO0IaEQeHXQNIK08zfA2BAjt1nvOnpmll83UmBeRGtFteQrJH35XniDd_DXqqsHW_b-Pin8qImc/s400/tumblr_lu4m1yEiIc1qzquwto1_500.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"We gotta have a little somethin' for daddy..."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Speaking of weird sex stuff, the pterodactyl has the hots for the T-rex, and uses laying eggs as a metaphor for arousal. That’s probably what actually made Malkovich quit.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Oh, hey, I made it all the way through the review without mentioning the INSANELY unfunny clown voiced by Martin Short, whose every antic is a grim reminder of the fact that clowns are, to a man, unfunny try-hards.</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-xOUuTSbtD0kisKKxCbKoVFnfPW0FJ3RXBbkJrHZMJlBvRdTk1TTNJTHsUTt8WXI9wfGSVV4SqOmTgMFTFtUef5484szDv68bcU9DWQtSUciXuy7snXj4bncOMwADltcOt9Eu5igSB00/s1600/11419_0_screenshot.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-xOUuTSbtD0kisKKxCbKoVFnfPW0FJ3RXBbkJrHZMJlBvRdTk1TTNJTHsUTt8WXI9wfGSVV4SqOmTgMFTFtUef5484szDv68bcU9DWQtSUciXuy7snXj4bncOMwADltcOt9Eu5igSB00/s400/11419_0_screenshot.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There's also some nonsense frame story with a bird. It's terrible. I forgot about it until I was looking up screencaps.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-30172740056656568812015-08-27T10:20:00.001-07:002015-08-27T10:20:28.004-07:00Rover Dangerfield (Hyperion Animation, 1991)<i>First of all, welcome back. I'm glad you all kept your subscriptions active while I was off doing important work as an agent of Her Majesty, and definitely not lying on the couch eating gravy flavored potato chips and watching Star Trek Voyager. Now, to business.</i><br />
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have to admit, I know context might play a role in how I view these movies. After all, I am seeing them in the context of other movies, and might not that affect my perception? Would I have disliked Pocahontas as much as I did if it wasn’t surrounded by wonderful classics? Would I have loved The Great Mouse Detective as much as I did if it wasn’t recovering from a surge of mediocrities? Yes to both, I am unimpeachably objective. But what if I were to see a movie that I could clearly tell was bad, but I wound up kind of liking it? And not in the “Nutcracker” way, where I give it a tepid recommendation because it does some stuff okay. In the way that it does no stuff okay, but I keep finding myself enjoying it. Can this be explained by the other movies I’ve seen around the same time? Well, this is a special case, so I’ll be doing my first out-of-format review in a while. Let’s get into it.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">RED TIES!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">BUG EYES!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A COMMENT-WORTHY LACK OF RESPECT!</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-223e3fcf-6c52-946e-93e1-e7281d6bded1" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I TELL YA!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IT’S </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>ROVER DANGERFIELD</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">!</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsKAIsCemIaBqM1KE58Oo1woHsqQx9XOilEaAk9aBvzkBUY5bTuvGSkQEoeBbI9n8fPvDGKyoPShrEx7upgHppkDO17-qa1E6lkRGowS9NHPdYBBsh2a_NHwEyFlz3mNfqIQYeQtxTo1o/s1600/Movie_poster_rover_dangerfield.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsKAIsCemIaBqM1KE58Oo1woHsqQx9XOilEaAk9aBvzkBUY5bTuvGSkQEoeBbI9n8fPvDGKyoPShrEx7upgHppkDO17-qa1E6lkRGowS9NHPdYBBsh2a_NHwEyFlz3mNfqIQYeQtxTo1o/s400/Movie_poster_rover_dangerfield.JPG" width="268" /></a></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"></b><br />
<a name='more'></a><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So why is the issue of context weighing so heavily on my head with this movie? Well, it’s partly because I’m in a sea of real garbage right now, and I’m not sure when it will end. (This is figurative garbage, as in bad movies, not literal garbage, as in gravy flavored potato chip bags. I throw those out. I mean I don't eat them.) But on a more direct level, it’s because of Movie Day. I watch a lot of movies, whether for this blog, or just for the hell of it. And every few months, I have a Movie Day, where I take a day to relax and watch movies literally from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, and it’s got to be movies that I haven’t seen, or at least haven’t rewatched in over a decade. The schedule for Movie Day, Friday June 27 was: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Date Night</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(2010, dir. Shawn Levy, perf. Tina Fey, Steve Carrell)</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Paddington</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(2014, dir. Paul King, perf. Ben Whishaw, Hugh Bonneville, Nicole Kidman)</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Inside Out</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(2015, dir. Pete Docter, perf. Amy Poehler, Phyllis Smith)</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Avengers </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(1998, dir. Jeremiah Chechik, perf. Ralph Feinnes, Uma Thurman, Sean</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Connery)</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lola Rennt</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> (1998, dir. Tom Twyker, perf. Franka Potente)</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Bandit of Sherwood Forest</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(1946, dir. George Sherman, Henry Levin, perf. Cornel Wilde)</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Spawn</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(1997, dir. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mark A.Z. Dippé, perf. Michael Jai White, Martin Sheen, John Leguizamo)</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rover Dangerfield</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(1991, dir. James L. George, Bob Seeley, perf. Rodney Dangerfield)</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Phantom </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(1996, dir. Simon Wincer, perf. Billy Zane, Treat Williams, Kristy Swanson)</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As you can see, a diverse mix of the good, the bad, and the cheesy, with a weirdly strong showing for the mid-late 90s. So instead of a typical review of Rover Dangerfield, I’m going to see how these other movies may have affected my perception of it.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><i>DATE NIGHT</i></b></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfCSTIkFl1l4V9TquSO2FEkg7q3Ir1Q2INO76bonGrhw5h5Moc1MsxMV4Adz8pX2iNPFczruaQkSeUAZoVqg-qaJ3rl1v1HdSfrKB7Fs7XfRWDa_FPdc8h2m5qXxBNCY0IxTbSu3Zt8YE/s1600/date-night-fey-carell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfCSTIkFl1l4V9TquSO2FEkg7q3Ir1Q2INO76bonGrhw5h5Moc1MsxMV4Adz8pX2iNPFczruaQkSeUAZoVqg-qaJ3rl1v1HdSfrKB7Fs7XfRWDa_FPdc8h2m5qXxBNCY0IxTbSu3Zt8YE/s400/date-night-fey-carell.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From the director who brought you <i>The Pink Panther, Night at the Museum, </i>and <i>Real Steel. </i>Huh. Weird career.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">First off, if you were concerned at how I fit into one day the large number of movies on that list, I actually watched this one the night before. So. Okay, let’s see. Date Night is an action comedy with romance elements, and Rover Dangerfield is a comedy with elements of action and romance. Good start. Both played to the strengths of their leads, but while the strengths of Tina Fey and Steve Carell are “out-of-their-depth average folks, Rodney Dangerfield is anything but. Everything about him was for a very specific character. While you could take Fey and Carell’s iconic characters, make Liz Lemon a little more put together and less nerdy, make Michael Scott a little more competent and intelligent, and more or less get the Date Night couple, Rodney Dangerfield can’t be altered. His standup, his movies, his writing, it was all in a very narrow and very exaggerated character. And it worked. The entire premise of this movie is “Rodney Dangerfield is a dog”. And that’s all they need, really. I think the key was that this was not just a studio sticking Rodney into a kid’s flick. This was entirely a Rodney project start to finish, producing, writing, and directing. The strong sense of his character probably papered over some of the movie’s considerable flaws.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><i>PADDINGTON</i></b></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinOibfrXroDi3uQuhIwJFa0swCDNOW189Z2giZuX33NdPdGRuAzHSjiKoyIVreWDw9_9HmxtbTD1aoCTow57Fz7-CZdr7VysL4BtrcL3eD0HVSJPFVeS4UgETgR4d1YAr3s2lQq-EUxqo/s1600/1414111998615_wps_16_UK_A_scene_from_the_Studi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinOibfrXroDi3uQuhIwJFa0swCDNOW189Z2giZuX33NdPdGRuAzHSjiKoyIVreWDw9_9HmxtbTD1aoCTow57Fz7-CZdr7VysL4BtrcL3eD0HVSJPFVeS4UgETgR4d1YAr3s2lQq-EUxqo/s400/1414111998615_wps_16_UK_A_scene_from_the_Studi.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Um... The CGI bear looks better when it's moving.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">First of all, see this movie. It was unceremoniously dumped in American theaters in the dead period of January, and I have no idea why. It is an absolutely wonderful family film. It’s also very episodic. Paddington does this, he does that, he does a third thing, hilarity ensues. Rover Dangerfield works in much the same way. Rover is in Vegas, he’s on a farm, now it’s Christmas, etc. Both movies have a rather shallow villain tying the whole thing together and to add a bit of peril at the end, as kids’ movies often do, but both villains worked fairly well. So from a basic “kids’ movie construction” level, it comes off fairly well.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><i>INSIDE OUT</i></b></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOhNoS1VaWygDjwJC0c-IdbkHBmF50zX8bxeB2R_N_Lr0UH4P9UAXg_B9XruHko_KFUKgcRy6N8KBVhY7FIbHF4GuapVoLpw_o3ROJln9iDLu4hMCezRHj2o8vK8rBxFwbuk1a-lRxKws/s1600/Pixar+Post+-+Inside+Out+characters+closeup.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOhNoS1VaWygDjwJC0c-IdbkHBmF50zX8bxeB2R_N_Lr0UH4P9UAXg_B9XruHko_KFUKgcRy6N8KBVhY7FIbHF4GuapVoLpw_o3ROJln9iDLu4hMCezRHj2o8vK8rBxFwbuk1a-lRxKws/s400/Pixar+Post+-+Inside+Out+characters+closeup.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Have you not seen it? GO SEE IT.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now this movie, on the other hand, throws one of Rover’s major flaws into sharp relief. I don’t want to spoil, since Inside Out is still relatively new and some of you might be slackers, but we all know Pixar are the champions at making movies that adults and kids can appreciate equally. Rover has a real problem with that. Early in the movie, I realized that they were going for an adult audience, which surprised me, especially since most animation for adults, especially in 1991, is complete garbage. But then a long bit started that was transparently intended for kids. And so it went, back and forth. It’s all one or the other with this movie. Wikipedia says it was originally conceived as an R-rated film, but Warner made them change it when they started providing funding, and I’m wondering how far they were into production when that started. I don’t know if they tried and failed for a “works for kids and parents” approach, or if they just did a lousy job reworking the script for kids, but the tone is all over the place, and that’s the movie’s biggest problem.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><i>THE AVENGERS</i></b></span></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm_3Zvh5IQnyepNykVNBqAcvvtWCAKXN09jkutJvre3KxlYKAqLeB9dtuMJ828DsnX2jfWSZO6pX91UTUwhXjJs_awXcXmo69i8RcuPnFsfsRztwGt79goK3kMartsGp4cKQP-xxLF5u0/s1600/o4jb1pu4j41q4jqp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm_3Zvh5IQnyepNykVNBqAcvvtWCAKXN09jkutJvre3KxlYKAqLeB9dtuMJ828DsnX2jfWSZO6pX91UTUwhXjJs_awXcXmo69i8RcuPnFsfsRztwGt79goK3kMartsGp4cKQP-xxLF5u0/s320/o4jb1pu4j41q4jqp.jpg" width="264" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Don't worry, Uma. Some day we'll be famous enough to say no to crap like this." "So what's Connery's excuse?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Avengers is a horrible, incompetent movie made by talented people that leans too heavily on the charisma of its stars while not giving them much in the way of direction or script, yet contains several good moments that I’m not certain whether they were intentional, or the result of some sort of Springtime for Hitler style accidental competence. I’ll leave you to figure out how that applies to Rover.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><i>LOLA RENNT</i></b></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUfZj3pm7kZgJJGjRjV3mRvanW1GnbhhjOvUZZTseDYseeoyTUbPYmoWZfizh7ReOF1QLwRQhgjcf07Yla6Q_xZY2Xts9k5_54qKK8nH3AMbmZtGJN5zfSZ76e3FT86_mqCQdfN2BJsFo/s1600/runlola4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUfZj3pm7kZgJJGjRjV3mRvanW1GnbhhjOvUZZTseDYseeoyTUbPYmoWZfizh7ReOF1QLwRQhgjcf07Yla6Q_xZY2Xts9k5_54qKK8nH3AMbmZtGJN5zfSZ76e3FT86_mqCQdfN2BJsFo/s400/runlola4.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lola looks like a composite clone of every girl I had a crush on in high school.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is about a woman who has to get a large amount of money to her boyfriend, a petty criminal, before he is killed by his bosses. The film shows her running to find him three times, each time has her run slightly off by a couple of seconds, resulting in major “for want of a nail” changes to her situation. We also frequently flash into the futures of people she encounters, showing how their lives progressed for better or for worse. This is like Rover Dangerfield because... I got nothing. It’s good, though, you should see it.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><i>THE BANDIT OF SHERWOOD FOREST</i></b></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKVH_HGhpGrLBsp9Yw_70OhfwzvQRau5_KSc5bc89MPOF4UiQirbx8xn5xccaPANLeY-nIhKd-JEMV0s_eemWmtvR1TlEaNzWYz8hhPh_HkLnGaXq-adOupAHtoKJldjG3j3tgBBkAzNk/s1600/4776632_l2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKVH_HGhpGrLBsp9Yw_70OhfwzvQRau5_KSc5bc89MPOF4UiQirbx8xn5xccaPANLeY-nIhKd-JEMV0s_eemWmtvR1TlEaNzWYz8hhPh_HkLnGaXq-adOupAHtoKJldjG3j3tgBBkAzNk/s400/4776632_l2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">They couldn't even dress him in green? Sheez.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is a terrible movie about Robin Hood’s asshole son and what a jerk he is. Zero stars. It just goes to show that people have been making cheap, shoddy knockoffs as kids’ entertainment for decades, so can I just appreciate that Rover Dangerfield is an original story? It uses some well-worn tropes, but tends to do something fun with them, and really owns them. Even the songs seem natural, even if they are pretty obviously plopped in because it's a cartoon, and cartoons have songs. But Rodney's got a surprisingly good voice, and they take the trope and have fun with it. So considering that they could have easily made "Rodney Hood" or given us yet another fairy tale adaptation, I give them credit for an original story.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><i>SPAWN</i></b></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpEwmSmy0S-EpJTQojr350XvmROZKPJEf0KhWNtb5OQciVCWrmOrn3rSiwgHqQp9nZoE5rzJ2IUDPphDP17kx2It-XbvF5qQmZI4j1t7aqqrvUipnUGHBYKuIWxiIVKt55dEvER-kjEOI/s1600/Spawn-and-clown.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpEwmSmy0S-EpJTQojr350XvmROZKPJEf0KhWNtb5OQciVCWrmOrn3rSiwgHqQp9nZoE5rzJ2IUDPphDP17kx2It-XbvF5qQmZI4j1t7aqqrvUipnUGHBYKuIWxiIVKt55dEvER-kjEOI/s400/Spawn-and-clown.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Yes, Michael Jai White, THAT'S what will become of your career! This isn't the springboard to action movie superstardom you thought!" "NOOOOOO - Well, at least I'm working." "Yeah, you keep busy. Do a lot of voice stuff. It's not bad."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Spawn is a movie I loved 15 years ago, and it’s often a good thing to remember what you were like in the past, so I can now way that half a lifetime ago, I must have been a huge idiot. Not only does this film contain an incoherent plot, absurd and thinly drawn characters, and a performance by noted charisma sink D.B. Sweeney, it also contained an astonishing and unnecessary amount of grossout humor, as delivered by Violator, a gross little clown demon played by John Leguizamo in an unconvincing fat suit. Every time he ate a maggoty pizza, or showed off his skidmarked underpants, or farted green smoke, I experienced a mix of revulsion, bafflement, and embarrassment on behalf of the performers. I only felt that once watching this movie, but rather than describe it, I’ll let you see it.<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smAKMcg7QfQ"> Follow this link for something someone thought was a good idea.</a></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><i>THE PHANTOM</i></b></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpYfsc3rG36WQKeVzr6f40o0Yh0DAcF9fngPJiTNT2egw17FeYZWqDHyKD7VXjvUyZbdy8ib5MHVf61shudim4N_zLEUmrmHP5rNMowYLwRZpCedmMeA6MHT9fCAcH5X45Yg_PriGp2ME/s1600/Phantom-On-A-Horse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpYfsc3rG36WQKeVzr6f40o0Yh0DAcF9fngPJiTNT2egw17FeYZWqDHyKD7VXjvUyZbdy8ib5MHVf61shudim4N_zLEUmrmHP5rNMowYLwRZpCedmMeA6MHT9fCAcH5X45Yg_PriGp2ME/s400/Phantom-On-A-Horse.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of the only movie superheroes not to wear padding under his suit. That's 100% pure Zane.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Phantom was a really fun old-timey adventure movie that I must watch again because I kept falling asleep while it was on. Nothing against the movie, it’s just that I’d been watching movies literally all day and had come over a bit nappish.</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So please bear my state of mind in your head when I tell you I did not hate Rover Dangerfield. I mean, it wasn't good, and it was frequently baffling, but I kept finding myself enjoying it as I watched it. I wouldn't say to go out of your way to see it. I went out of my way. This was not available from Netflix either streaming or as a disc, and no one had bothered to pirate it, which I admit I sometimes turn to for otherwise unavailable things. So I had to rent it on iTunes, making this the first non-theatrical movie I've paid money specifically for in order to review here. I don't feel like I wasted my money, for what it's worth, but there are better things you can do with three bucks. But hey, if you come across it on TV, or for a dollar at a yard sale, go for it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>IN LIEU OF ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS, HERE'S A ROVER DANGERFIELD PICTURE GALLERY</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><br /></b></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGz-tSmoMKNqCwLKTeBbJfWiEkEDsgcw9_VLVP1zLw5_ih-mQR6ikVSL8A5KGLT8ooQsAGzXSunKqq_Ua0Ze_MOgUOsG0eYOp97QdsxSJa-oaXmvw8XPcyecwaFFtayDSLc1VH4uickyQ/s1600/IMG_1755.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGz-tSmoMKNqCwLKTeBbJfWiEkEDsgcw9_VLVP1zLw5_ih-mQR6ikVSL8A5KGLT8ooQsAGzXSunKqq_Ua0Ze_MOgUOsG0eYOp97QdsxSJa-oaXmvw8XPcyecwaFFtayDSLc1VH4uickyQ/s400/IMG_1755.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wait, is that poster... Is Rodney Dangerfield playing this club? That's... weird.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv6W7OS2gKXS3-c4C9HrUDTwa2GjDlar_FnzYNi0JLsb_A92ZLkxTwhEzMTZS9UWXLO8xvHSEOUxgNp_9QnuWHb3rsAvow8cJZNcOGLykUXqf_-v8BGahZ2xUSPMjT0Gxs1yeDYHXudXY/s1600/IMG_1756.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv6W7OS2gKXS3-c4C9HrUDTwa2GjDlar_FnzYNi0JLsb_A92ZLkxTwhEzMTZS9UWXLO8xvHSEOUxgNp_9QnuWHb3rsAvow8cJZNcOGLykUXqf_-v8BGahZ2xUSPMjT0Gxs1yeDYHXudXY/s400/IMG_1756.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Bring on the girls... We need a little something for daddy..." - Don DiMello</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG1Me73b6uuIpoNcXe17Gzr-QeR6P9J2R885zomRw_OIpvN6u7fPcQnf97hXeblyTKtBWBzNvzmWl1z8kqJ-YRX3Z9OOrfxMvtvi-8EwrkSCgxgFSiL9-k581ApkxQl26gc_NACM1DVt0/s1600/IMG_1758.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG1Me73b6uuIpoNcXe17Gzr-QeR6P9J2R885zomRw_OIpvN6u7fPcQnf97hXeblyTKtBWBzNvzmWl1z8kqJ-YRX3Z9OOrfxMvtvi-8EwrkSCgxgFSiL9-k581ApkxQl26gc_NACM1DVt0/s400/IMG_1758.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Starring the love child of James Dean and Andrew Dice Clay.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9cm15s_E4OwQ_FIjURoh9AQpcHxBrJMSLq4amHou3Ibc_IgNn2PdmpXNyFvHqoisrzwbzAJs8dWt1HUGLN0FLsKxNTbovpwG1IVKJS3iQ55DsS0kS62f56Nf4Ds0VPr23gwzkWQUJMeM/s1600/IMG_1761.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9cm15s_E4OwQ_FIjURoh9AQpcHxBrJMSLq4amHou3Ibc_IgNn2PdmpXNyFvHqoisrzwbzAJs8dWt1HUGLN0FLsKxNTbovpwG1IVKJS3iQ55DsS0kS62f56Nf4Ds0VPr23gwzkWQUJMeM/s400/IMG_1761.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A chicken with boobs? What is this, a Don Bluth movie?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUK8kF5QQ_H-wNGa_ZvuwzYIiTTSIvepC97LPuoby6hiEr-0b8h2txt_84yg1YgN19Xf5-3UrdStRjXlkZciJ1v2-TNiCLwiv_FIpdmIot1FlpawhpZqq1gjQfNTOzzFTQyF1t2BZV8Tk/s1600/IMG_1762.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUK8kF5QQ_H-wNGa_ZvuwzYIiTTSIvepC97LPuoby6hiEr-0b8h2txt_84yg1YgN19Xf5-3UrdStRjXlkZciJ1v2-TNiCLwiv_FIpdmIot1FlpawhpZqq1gjQfNTOzzFTQyF1t2BZV8Tk/s400/IMG_1762.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wow, the rest of the news looks pretty depressing.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1D-_8pkX_fqvAd4b-3yMthzixzVUtM4eg99uV63anTIKfN1itHaPLSW-YsPgGg16lFprbVRTfKdNcBA8fnCBWFsliPDLbT4PxcreUSdivn0qqtr4BTZmINSKxG_AoXyWi-hGZJSnSvrk/s1600/IMG_1763.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1D-_8pkX_fqvAd4b-3yMthzixzVUtM4eg99uV63anTIKfN1itHaPLSW-YsPgGg16lFprbVRTfKdNcBA8fnCBWFsliPDLbT4PxcreUSdivn0qqtr4BTZmINSKxG_AoXyWi-hGZJSnSvrk/s400/IMG_1763.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Are those supposed to be Indian headdresses? Oh boy, sexist AND racist!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKU_ibR70kcnEdJCe7qVBTedYRoaE9ZitvfzvDIa0zpSzPLDSBQyLSyuR_0dLTuhSoQR3z5z8Ylsx2O4gxSUBTKhLCLt9BHfKLQvVh6asQd58Q3bsP8uIZeAiZRgY6zyqz_n4p2Zz52mg/s1600/IMG_1764.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKU_ibR70kcnEdJCe7qVBTedYRoaE9ZitvfzvDIa0zpSzPLDSBQyLSyuR_0dLTuhSoQR3z5z8Ylsx2O4gxSUBTKhLCLt9BHfKLQvVh6asQd58Q3bsP8uIZeAiZRgY6zyqz_n4p2Zz52mg/s400/IMG_1764.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">GAH.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj4YBngY6sZIJaOit2g7KlGr0HBfNczkFqKiZ4cyzUHrkzRJ4q4pbgUTalgVvIgqhGKHdyCscvODgh2890lPj3fNHjFmFEEcUz8tofgQ7TvicsKxqaYwLOSu0gETy3InU9ExSM8EhNbmg/s1600/IMG_1766.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj4YBngY6sZIJaOit2g7KlGr0HBfNczkFqKiZ4cyzUHrkzRJ4q4pbgUTalgVvIgqhGKHdyCscvODgh2890lPj3fNHjFmFEEcUz8tofgQ7TvicsKxqaYwLOSu0gETy3InU9ExSM8EhNbmg/s400/IMG_1766.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Really? Harold Ramis?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWd0N5veTk708i-QfU0MGSf4CUTLisT-g1C3GAMSQi0Pm_rJAlsqADFaxTjS8i4ACYrVzn0ZhjJ8rqtG1KWD_YgI4Xqu69Os6UgoOfDwPm7hInbu9o-Q58u5_Vi_Ok7BeR851cjRjFEhM/s1600/IMG_1767.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWd0N5veTk708i-QfU0MGSf4CUTLisT-g1C3GAMSQi0Pm_rJAlsqADFaxTjS8i4ACYrVzn0ZhjJ8rqtG1KWD_YgI4Xqu69Os6UgoOfDwPm7hInbu9o-Q58u5_Vi_Ok7BeR851cjRjFEhM/s400/IMG_1767.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'll say it is.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi02PNaPEVrU5NkRaYxACo9aryDQyCkjL2aNs4xLP1ebxOBc61yG365YHB-UxPp33sEPABITPBYeRdR1iBeOUMAEkLpxUWQYhwlGV-EXQ5KhbuvmfSpRfdwrIWjGG7qUmca5_D-xkfBWYk/s1600/IMG_1768.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi02PNaPEVrU5NkRaYxACo9aryDQyCkjL2aNs4xLP1ebxOBc61yG365YHB-UxPp33sEPABITPBYeRdR1iBeOUMAEkLpxUWQYhwlGV-EXQ5KhbuvmfSpRfdwrIWjGG7qUmca5_D-xkfBWYk/s400/IMG_1768.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sure, why not.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZEIg3KUo2EjAZfvlUneQGdWBEUy5YHh3ALum_ZYnqeMslWuzrXVA-PpfwPs1DlalVLCHjjYfHf-pUbGeOE_0Qz463yEv_AUSmjZpeL-k9ubcO227qiNJ8WhKofM_CXBJZTPhdN41o_Js/s1600/IMG_1769.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZEIg3KUo2EjAZfvlUneQGdWBEUy5YHh3ALum_ZYnqeMslWuzrXVA-PpfwPs1DlalVLCHjjYfHf-pUbGeOE_0Qz463yEv_AUSmjZpeL-k9ubcO227qiNJ8WhKofM_CXBJZTPhdN41o_Js/s400/IMG_1769.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'll say he is. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7cxO-YId2V0xHStbhN8FO8mVQTfpc2XPLXIEGXh07a8kev84maYmujjXe4T8YkWYf1ZIqm1IUvRvdkGgNg_LJiSGaViSTZ76UgGtCAM0ocJGVmgZlqltImFHSFHgVHQvKK6zqyqmHi4s/s1600/IMG_1770.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7cxO-YId2V0xHStbhN8FO8mVQTfpc2XPLXIEGXh07a8kev84maYmujjXe4T8YkWYf1ZIqm1IUvRvdkGgNg_LJiSGaViSTZ76UgGtCAM0ocJGVmgZlqltImFHSFHgVHQvKK6zqyqmHi4s/s400/IMG_1770.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Based on tunes originally whistled by Rodney Dangerfield"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFtbWtFLbzVux4geR_uoUbd0-8erviElQcgCf0691LuN_uMTN4K_XAOwhE6Kjh5__7S_udh22atKMD1q7SZn8CWJHwSXQAFjOrwlQr-3SPx9jXF9krf33wZUBXKPFcDXgyl9bzoZKZZ4o/s1600/IMG_1771.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFtbWtFLbzVux4geR_uoUbd0-8erviElQcgCf0691LuN_uMTN4K_XAOwhE6Kjh5__7S_udh22atKMD1q7SZn8CWJHwSXQAFjOrwlQr-3SPx9jXF9krf33wZUBXKPFcDXgyl9bzoZKZZ4o/s400/IMG_1771.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh, Rodney Dangerfield is in this?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><br /></b></span>The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-74103603866553627182015-06-25T13:49:00.001-07:002015-06-25T13:56:04.196-07:00The Nutcracker Prince (Lacewood productions, 1990)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ll be honest, dear readers, I’m beginning to despair that I shall never see a good movie again. I’m also beginning to despair that I’ll never review a movie people have heard of again. No one wants to read about Gay Purr-ee for Pete’s sake, and if I don’t get my ratings up, Mr. Blogpost is gonna fire me for sure! Well, that sure as hell isn’t changing today, as I look at The Nutcracker Prince, which might be the worst movie based on The Nutcracker I’ve ever seen. The Nutcracker in 3-D is arguably a worse film, but the mere knowledge that someone had to pitch it with phrases like “John Tuturro is the rat, only he looks like Andy Warhol and is a Nazi” and “Instead of a mysterious old toymaker, the nutcracker will be given by Albert Einstein, who will be played by Nathan Lane” and “This is a real passion project for me, the guy who directed Tango and Cash”. I know, now I wish I was reviewing that one, too. But no, I’m reviewing this little Canadian turd. Folks make some For Better or for Worse TV specials (yes, really), and suddenly they think they can do a feature, and Warner decides to throw it into theaters and grab some holiday bucks for cheap. Well, I hope it made a lot of money, and I hope they choke on it.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">NUTS!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">FAMILIAR BACKGROUND MUSIC! </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">RAVING GERMAN INSANITY!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IT DIDN’T MAKE ANY MONEY, BY THE WAY!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IT’S </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>THE NUTCRACKER PRINCE</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">!</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdU91KYbLE2E0fLAGwBbDpuwtoXVEu8NeCLEpoB069yIW_kzmkdq0tUYP0HLCE7xXp4xHCBNLPgY1zs30ef5LNaKY_bcVr2m_2lz00Qw3BJ9m7R-44elfDOvctog26q4bbhbcHtnePNpQ/s1600/1990-the-nutcracker-prince-poster1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdU91KYbLE2E0fLAGwBbDpuwtoXVEu8NeCLEpoB069yIW_kzmkdq0tUYP0HLCE7xXp4xHCBNLPgY1zs30ef5LNaKY_bcVr2m_2lz00Qw3BJ9m7R-44elfDOvctog26q4bbhbcHtnePNpQ/s640/1990-the-nutcracker-prince-poster1.jpg" width="418" /></a></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-c5a6987d-2c19-671c-7fc2-e67ff5e7b7ad" style="font-weight: normal;"></b><br />
<a name='more'></a><b id="docs-internal-guid-c5a6987d-2c19-671c-7fc2-e67ff5e7b7ad" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I want to address the story right away, because I’ve got a compliment and an insult here. Compliment: This is a remarkably faithful adaptation of the original story, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Nussknacker und Mausekönig,</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> by E.T.A. Hoffman. Insult: That was not a good idea, because the original story was highly episodic, ludicrously convoluted, and Hoffman was a crazy person whose fantasy stories were like every stereotype of German fairy tales you can imagine. His most famous work, apart from this, is Der Sandmann, wherein The Sandman is depicted as a spirit who comes to children that are not asleep, pulls out their eyes, and feeds them to his children, who live on the moon. So yeah.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The story of the Nutcracker most people are familiar with is from the famous ballet, and it goes as follows:</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1 - A girl named Clara gets a nutcracker as a gift from her godfather Drosselmeyer, a maker of fantastic toys.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2 - Her brother breaks the nutcracker’s jaw. This doesn’t really come up again.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3 - That night, the girl’s toys come to life, and her nutcracker fights the king of the mice.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">4 - Clara saves the nutcracker by throwing her shoe at the mouse.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">5 - The nutcracker, freed from his curse by her act of love, becomes a handsome prince, takes her to his candyland kingdom, and they watch a bunch of insane dances by weird people.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo0MeCilGtLbaPQtRTCiFUoPjM2lBONcCfat1Chc1SGOunUvQS_NRLqrxSyZUVMoWhDbptrs9wnJl9SnIFmjZKjLueMXwwv4JjtwHN9xsqImkaqEWuA6Ul395r-jcLDQml3fxmsm4Yybc/s1600/holiday_gathering_by_gdenofa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo0MeCilGtLbaPQtRTCiFUoPjM2lBONcCfat1Chc1SGOunUvQS_NRLqrxSyZUVMoWhDbptrs9wnJl9SnIFmjZKjLueMXwwv4JjtwHN9xsqImkaqEWuA6Ul395r-jcLDQml3fxmsm4Yybc/s400/holiday_gathering_by_gdenofa.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"How do you like our tree, Fritz?" "THE FIRE LIVES WITHIN ME, PURE AND CLEANSING."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s not an entirely coherent or sensical story, but it is nice and concise. But it does deviate from the original story in some significant ways. First of all, Clara is named Marie in the book. No idea why they changed it for the ballet. Marie is injured after saving the nutcracker, and wakes up, thinking it was all a dream. As she recovers, Drosselmeyer tells her the story of the hard nut, where - bear with me - a princess was cursed with ugliness by the queen of the mice, so the king’s chief inventor, who is also named Drosselmeyer, makes a bunch of mousetraps that kill her seven sons. She shortly thereafter bears another son, with seven heads. Past-Drosselmeyer realizes that in order to be cured of her ugliness, the princess must eat the Crackatooth nut, and it must be cracked and handed to her by a guy who has never shaven or worn boots and is blindfolded and was never of woman born until Birnam wood comes to Dunsinane or something. Long story short, the only one who can crack it is Drosselmeyer’s nephew, but after he does so, he is himself cursed with ugliness, getting a big head, giant teeth, a long beard - look, you get it, he becomes a giant nutcracker. The mouse queen dies, the princess banishes the nephew for looking totally gross, and then we cut back to the present.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’M NOT FINISHED YET.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">While Marie is recovering, she is visited at nights by the seven-headed mouse king, who tells her that he will destroy the nutcracker if she doesn’t give him candy and, for some reason, dolls. She does so night after night until one night she is visited by the nutcracker, who tells her to get him a toy sword. She does so, and the next night he returns with seven crowns, and I guess that’s that. Then we finally get part 5 of the ballet, wherein she goes with Ol’ Cracky to the Land of Toys, which she eventually leaves, causing people back home to think she’s crazy when she talks about it. Some time later, she tells the Nutcracker that she loves him no matter how ugly he is. Immediately, Drosselmeyer comes by with his nephew, who secretly tells her that he is the Nutcracker, and her love cured his ugliness, and now they can get married.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4oSqX2cvTt5XAmUEQ1v4plLT4qxIQeqTvBIOmjLQVq0SAicOvHqSzC_IHOqgmb8T9V9AGHLZRDutxYA9UtVH1cmoKj0f4GQPyHng6RsKo9Md5BNcOMGiaktWSbw9grWgSxissAe3sq8w/s1600/i_think_you__re_suppose_to_wave_by_gdenofa-d2xvnpi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4oSqX2cvTt5XAmUEQ1v4plLT4qxIQeqTvBIOmjLQVq0SAicOvHqSzC_IHOqgmb8T9V9AGHLZRDutxYA9UtVH1cmoKj0f4GQPyHng6RsKo9Md5BNcOMGiaktWSbw9grWgSxissAe3sq8w/s400/i_think_you__re_suppose_to_wave_by_gdenofa-d2xvnpi.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh, yeah, he's hideous. What a monster, I tell you what.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yeah. That is the story. I watched this with my friend Katie, who was not familiar with the original story, and I had to keep reassuring her that yes, this is how it went. More than a couple times, I had to check an online summary to make sure I was remembering it right. And most of the changes, where they were made, served to make the plot better. They took out a lot of pointless repetition, turned the Mouse King into a more central (and one-headed) villain, and tweaked the ending to be less... well, less insane. It’s still pretty much what I said above, but they don’t go as far in explaining it, and that actually helps. They did name the girl Clara, which is a bit odd, as they generally didn't feel too beholden to the ballet. There are also some changes made for comedy, like how in the Hard Nut story, the mice don’t eat the lard for the sausages, they eat the cheese out of a cheesecake. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Actually, I should discuss the Hard Nut story. Sometimes a book will have a very long extended flashback, or a lengthy plot digression. Like the detailed story of how the rats escaped from NIMH, or what Michael Corleone got up to in Sicily. There’s a reason that stuff was ignored in the excellent movie adaptations of those books. A book can take the time for a long sidebar, a movie can’t. People consume the media differently. Matters were not helped here by having the story/flashback played blatantly more comedic, and animated in a different style. And I don’t mean a cool different style, I mean “suddenly everything looks like Jay Ward had a stroke”.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8ikTfJfVcU0tnapYbM1dsgEBUkZ2j4OfYH5Qu33lZPhuSPnefDp1PnGxD_MaP2IBHyhdy4LdTgmOg_IbVoLRj3T8mkqVr5JG4TxvL3G3h876jtNXEMLglXJ-DAWTVxU99cjztaw-Xs8k/s1600/enchanting_melody_by_gdenofa-d2xvaia.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8ikTfJfVcU0tnapYbM1dsgEBUkZ2j4OfYH5Qu33lZPhuSPnefDp1PnGxD_MaP2IBHyhdy4LdTgmOg_IbVoLRj3T8mkqVr5JG4TxvL3G3h876jtNXEMLglXJ-DAWTVxU99cjztaw-Xs8k/s400/enchanting_melody_by_gdenofa-d2xvaia.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I think they wanted this guy to look like a rich and fancy man, but instead he looks like a footman.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Not that the animation was great in the first place. Everyone was constantly off-model, the characters seem to have no weight, the camera placement is arbitrary and weird, and the lip sync is all over the place. And no one’s eyes are able to focus. It’s like they were all kicked in the head by mules. I actually checked out some of the For Better or for Worse TV specials, and they’re pretty good (animation-wise, at least. They’re still based on For Better or For Worse). I don’t know if having an increased budget led their ambition to outstrip their talent, or if their attempt at ripping off the Disney house style was just not something they could do, but their made-for-TV family light comedy looks better than their big budget movie.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The voices are mostly Canadian TV actors, but there are three really weird exceptions. First, Phyllis Diller as the Mouse Queen, who is Phyllis Diller, and your opinion of that is entirely based on what you already think of her. Personally, I’m in favor. If despairing at the state of someone’s career is more your speed, there’s Peter O’Toole as an old toy soldier named Pantaloon, and I can say with great pleasure that he presumably got paid for this. The weirdest of all is Keifer Sutherland as the Nutcracker. He recorded this early in his career, somewhere after The Lost Boys, but before A Few Good Men, and I don’t know if he’s just inexperienced, or if he’s a terrible voice actor, or if this is the first time he read the script, or if he was recording his lines over the phone while he was distracted by playing Bubble Bobble or making a souffle... Look, you get the idea. He’s terrible. And I’ve never heard him do voice over since then, apart from the odd car commercial, so who cares. You ever see those clips of Peter Dinklage clearly not bothering to try while doing a video game voice? Sutherland is like that, only worse.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEginK_AQymK-hreKhU6nbU88hEU2YQPtzFuWVyYHw5NIX1fLzUyge0glxn1CmCzCp-16sMMJaXfJ0J0mS0__xCdn3_Ab7omYgnx4I_P4h2s8DWUBz5YrwFwoSNjc33EmD7SC4PeGKs3mSg/s1600/final_strike_by_gdenofa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEginK_AQymK-hreKhU6nbU88hEU2YQPtzFuWVyYHw5NIX1fLzUyge0glxn1CmCzCp-16sMMJaXfJ0J0mS0__xCdn3_Ab7omYgnx4I_P4h2s8DWUBz5YrwFwoSNjc33EmD7SC4PeGKs3mSg/s400/final_strike_by_gdenofa.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Some help you are, Angel.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I guess I should mention the music before I go. They used the Tchaikovsky score as background music, and Katie and I were constantly distracted by trying to figure out if it was at the right moment in the show. Usually, no. Most oddly was the choice to have exactly one song, which Clara sings to the Nutcracker before the mice attack. This was set to the tune of the Waltz of the Flowers, which to be fair, is probably the best number from the show. Top three, at least. It’s still really out of nowhere. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now here’s where I get crazy. I’m giving this a HIGHLY PROVISIONAL recommendation. If you’ve got a child with a weird frame of mind, and you want to keep them occupied at Christmastime, there are MUCH WORSE specials they could be watching. Make no mistake, this is bad. It’s not at all good. But it’s committed. These people weren’t just trying to make a buck, despite the way I characterized them earlier. My initial assessment was wrong. These were people who really cared about Hoffman’s weird, weird, weird story and wanted to bring it to the screen. there’s no crass commercialism here, no shameless attempt to cash in on a trend. Just a bunch of out-of-their-element Canadians badly telling a weird-ass story. It’ll give your kid some very strange memories, at least.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAWfn_huMK5YeyOJ9W_wBcKTJi-jCK1l61ngUsK53hvpo2uWJ6s0WlSO27eI5n-kHXJZ0db6XIqQTAH7yPR7fhdDjqCOu8AzLf_ZYvEVlgBLWbyRjkKHdODpR14F7Gtb9rL8QAucY4348/s1600/hello___clara_by_gdenofa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAWfn_huMK5YeyOJ9W_wBcKTJi-jCK1l61ngUsK53hvpo2uWJ6s0WlSO27eI5n-kHXJZ0db6XIqQTAH7yPR7fhdDjqCOu8AzLf_ZYvEVlgBLWbyRjkKHdODpR14F7Gtb9rL8QAucY4348/s400/hello___clara_by_gdenofa.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"It... it can't be! I KILLED YOU!!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* I mentioned Jay Ward above, and I have to admit, I’m 95% sure that was intentional. They seem to have been trying to do a “Fractured Fairy Tales” riff, and it did not work even a little.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* 1990 was a hell of a year for Keifer. This, Young Guns 2, Flatliners, Flashback, and Chicago Joe and the Showgirl. It’s a wonder he ever worked again. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* I have no idea where this is meant to take place. Everyone has English, American, or Canadian accents, except one random German guy. But there’s nothing particularly German about it, and half the names are French.</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* The DVD I got started with a bunch of unskippable trailers, which provided me with two interesting bits of information. First, people are still trying to make Felix the Cat and Benji work. Let them die, folks. Not every franchise has to be neverending. Second, there was a trailer for a Mary Engelbreit-illustrated version of Mother Goose. You know Mary Engelbreit? She draws the pictures for your grandma’s kitchen calendar. Yeah, her. Anyway, that trailer said that it is “sure to be the definitive Mother Goose for generations to come”, which strikes me as a pretty ballsy claim. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFEqgpcETdwT1kMgWu6crVveJwu12Ip4tozxUTDHPmJz_T1jDMP_H8tKRk-NVYyh5F5drmxnGLP7dlFRU2GX1sXdDEGtC55IAsj30wGSOBkdtX4nNSgCgRSP8n2eyE9SotiI-_4m58hQs/s1600/your_fight_is_with_me___by_gdenofa-d30hhqf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFEqgpcETdwT1kMgWu6crVveJwu12Ip4tozxUTDHPmJz_T1jDMP_H8tKRk-NVYyh5F5drmxnGLP7dlFRU2GX1sXdDEGtC55IAsj30wGSOBkdtX4nNSgCgRSP8n2eyE9SotiI-_4m58hQs/s400/your_fight_is_with_me___by_gdenofa-d30hhqf.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Hey! Hey! It is REALLY hard to maintain my authority in this setting, so a little respect here!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-1123179741013620382015-05-30T18:14:00.001-07:002015-05-30T18:14:33.926-07:00Animalympics (Lisberger films, 1980)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, I’d originally planned to do one movie per decade for Warner distributions, but it turns out that this movie, which I’d thought released in 1979 to get people excited for the 1980 Olympics, was actually commissioned by NBC in order to air on TV in short segments amid their televised Olympic coverage, so I haven’t got one from the 70s. Anyway, it turns out that the next one, which I had pegged as 1988, was actually from 1990. I have to fire my assistant, who is a little goblin that sits on my shoulder and constantly yells at me about cartoons. Anyway, how did a series of TV shorts meant to distract.people around commercials wind up barely scraping a theatrical release? Blame Jimmy Carter.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-18ae2cff-81ad-7ea5-4b33-4ec15bb19ef6" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ATHLETICISM!</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">INTERNATIONAL COOPERATION!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">THE DARN SOVIETS!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">AN EXTREMELY ILL-ADVISED ATTEMPT TO MAKE SOME MONEY BACK!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IT’S </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>ANIMALYMPICS</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">!</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQCWFfmh100vCABsiKzmc8X2K3Lo6OEnohIhr23MdjyJU4_LcyeGFIudk_SZRylxfdDLTwfYxcYru2rn6uFr-VwxrZKrrp7oUjsZrCX-8_vm4wrHTJdiqk8cjH8e4nEgR687AIiaz5hjE/s1600/gay-purree-disneyscreencaps.com-5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQCWFfmh100vCABsiKzmc8X2K3Lo6OEnohIhr23MdjyJU4_LcyeGFIudk_SZRylxfdDLTwfYxcYru2rn6uFr-VwxrZKrrp7oUjsZrCX-8_vm4wrHTJdiqk8cjH8e4nEgR687AIiaz5hjE/s400/gay-purree-disneyscreencaps.com-5.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"></b><br />
<a name='more'></a><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, yeah, the 1980 Olympics. In Moscow. Some of you reading this have already noticed something of interest in there. For those of you who, like me, were not born at the time, and who, unlike me, are not huge nerds, the US did not participate in the 1980 Olympics in protest of the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. With no American participation, NBC declined to carry any coverage of the events, and the show was scuttled, with only the ½ hour winter portion reaching America’s screens. (Further note for young people: The summer and winter games used to be held in the same year) But since they had finished the film anyway, they shopped it around until it was picked up by Warner for an extremely limited theatrical run followed by a quick home video release.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thankfully, now that I’m far removed from the hubbub of the games, I can analyze it as a movie in its own right. Does it hold up, or is it entirely a product of its times that holds no interest without the looming Soviet Union creating olympic fever among the populace? Mostly the second one, I’m afraid.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZtcHibEmxsHhKMhODwkQ-g0ugfHQNdlylmxIJ74DHm4vrYhZ_spcuWYwqywjedm8-RGg-ZZEfLoXv1h_DVuNvKlUzXe_QXmFviNtaN3OZUIht5ymtfU6hdE4QuABEogHu3jufccLfgqY/s1600/banner_688.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZtcHibEmxsHhKMhODwkQ-g0ugfHQNdlylmxIJ74DHm4vrYhZ_spcuWYwqywjedm8-RGg-ZZEfLoXv1h_DVuNvKlUzXe_QXmFviNtaN3OZUIht5ymtfU6hdE4QuABEogHu3jufccLfgqY/s400/banner_688.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This gag, involving a coach waiting for scores, was cut from most home releases, for pretty obvious reasons.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Welllll… There are some good aspects to it that held my interest right off the bat. The voices are by Gilda Radner, Billy Crystal, Harry Shearer, and co-writer/sound mixer Michael Fremer. The character designs are lively and loveable, and while the animation is more limited than what we’re used to, there’s much more of a creative spark here than there was in the last film. UPA were efficient storytellers with their animation, but Lisberger are clearly animators at heart. And several of the visual gags work very well. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Several of the gags are uninspired, though. Right off the bat, they light the Animalympic torch with a dragon’s flame (which was kind of cool, but does make me wonder why the dragons couldn’t compete.), and then we see a polar bear carrying it through a frozen tundra. So far so good. The bear hands it off to a coyote in a desert, who then hands it to a seal in the ocean, and then it’s the opening credits. This was a fun idea, but why not stretch it out more? Why not show us jungles, plains, swamps? At the very least, it would avoid the implication that the tundra is right next to the desert which borders the ocean. That’s some Super Mario-level geography.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Actually, stretching it out might not be the best idea. Since the movie is nothing more than a collection of shorts, it really spreads itself thin when it tries to do extended bits. The best stuff in the film is when they go really rapid-fire with the gags, which occasionally elicited a smile. But the rest moved so fast and was so unconnected that I just couldn’t get into it. At one point, I realized that I had been sitting like this for almost ten minutes:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1kMSlyWZjffvGaGqrqgag8mNfnNXuWFue25slhdJxOerB6TKYdr20_YI-XVZgLzPmtwnd3d-lGhxBSHlA24ExxCBEi6h98onX0zMJeVod1Av4tp0FFLgkWjm3asdNpCOMwFM15f91F9U/s1600/image1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1kMSlyWZjffvGaGqrqgag8mNfnNXuWFue25slhdJxOerB6TKYdr20_YI-XVZgLzPmtwnd3d-lGhxBSHlA24ExxCBEi6h98onX0zMJeVod1Av4tp0FFLgkWjm3asdNpCOMwFM15f91F9U/s320/image1.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">CAPTURED AT THE VERY MOMENT OF BOREDOM!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s just a chore to get through. While the parody of televised sports coverage is pretty on point, with some allowances because 1980, there’s a reason no one is making SportsCenter: The Movie. This type of coverage is meant to be digested and disposed quickly. It’s not meant to sustain interest for an hour and a half. When split up and spread out over a few days of Olympics coverage, I’d probably have really enjoyed it. Like this, it just doesn’t work. There’s a loose attempt to get some plot threads going. A pair of long distance runners fall in love over a 14 day race, a skier gets lost on a trail and discovers Shangri-La or something. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The movie is less racist than I expected? I guess that’s good? I mean, a movie about international competition from 1980, I was steeled for the worst, but there was only one really racist joke (The Japanese guy is a penguin, because they all look the same lol), and a lot of minor stereotyping and goofy accents, but thankfully the majority of the jokes were based on the animals’ species, not their nationality. It helps that they avoided mentioning countries, with the animals representing continents instead, North America, South America, Africa, Asia, Australia, Europe, and “Eurasia”, representing Eastern Europe and the various communist countries, which impressively avoid being vilified, for the most part. I mean, no more than Iceland was in “D2: The Mighty Ducks”.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrrWLd2XhwvzGnsyi4gtSN_SyknX2MVaOuBAjZq_Ps38RY2VoMStPh-C-KIcQEtX1a03BT_XYWj_tjjbT2pgapapN_wSw0MruoYjFSw3BVYZVc3niAtcfq0rX4byZpFzp3lwNN8CYbTYk/s1600/dreams-sp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrrWLd2XhwvzGnsyi4gtSN_SyknX2MVaOuBAjZq_Ps38RY2VoMStPh-C-KIcQEtX1a03BT_XYWj_tjjbT2pgapapN_wSw0MruoYjFSw3BVYZVc3niAtcfq0rX4byZpFzp3lwNN8CYbTYk/s400/dreams-sp.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Why would a ectothermic animal go into winter sports?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> To paraphrase Orson Welles, this is a very wearying one, it’s unpleasant to write. Unrewarding. The movie was barely passable for its time, and doesn’t hold up today. The animation is acceptable, but there’s no story, there’s no organization, and it frequently breaks for tedious music videos. It almost had its moment, but its time passed without ever really arriving. So, sorry this one is so short, but I work with what they give me.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* The Lisberger studios logo, where flying neon space pyramids create a glowing golden giant who attacks the viewer with laser frisbees, is incredible. Lisberger would go on to conceive, write, and direct TRON, which is no surprise after seeing that. </span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* I laughed three times over the course of the film. When a bull boxer was getting insulted after a bad match, and the insulter called him “a bum steer”, when an athletic shoe from the industrial age was shown and it was a factory with a hole in the top, and when the cow hockey team was brought to the arena via a slaughterhouse line.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiev54tW-1xakuE1FlhLTURqNQOLwz9_4IYaOLP8BNlNG2I8opkeiF8punQJJPxrqUp6wjPwagcugaGT_rkb2iRocqYi5t7j2_SxkrZIwRnFKmiDj3DRYMHHRs_aKWrbjEZ3KZqVmvZEEM/s1600/gaypuree03.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiev54tW-1xakuE1FlhLTURqNQOLwz9_4IYaOLP8BNlNG2I8opkeiF8punQJJPxrqUp6wjPwagcugaGT_rkb2iRocqYi5t7j2_SxkrZIwRnFKmiDj3DRYMHHRs_aKWrbjEZ3KZqVmvZEEM/s400/gaypuree03.jpg" width="271" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I forgot to make screencaps for this one, and I'm too lazy to look for any. Here, have a picture of Hayley Atwell dressed like a Pikachu.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-52472593753404536882015-05-09T17:26:00.000-07:002015-05-09T17:26:11.014-07:00Gay Purr-ee (UPA, 1962)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">First of all, an apology. I was under the belief, looking at my masthead up there, that we were going to now be moving on to Amblimation, but I had forgotten that we first have four more Warner-distributed movies to go through. Since my sister was to guest-write the review of “An American Tail: Feivel Goes West”, I was waiting on her, but now that I realize we have a few more to go, I feel bad for bothering her so much. But not very bad. I more feel bad that I had to watch “Feivel Goes West” AND “We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story” much earlier than I had to. Not that this was much better. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">CATS!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">FRANCE!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A PERFUNCTORY ROMANCE BETWEEN A FANCY WHITE FEMALE AND A DOWN-TO-EARTH ORANGE TOM!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IT’S THE ARISTOCATS!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I MEAN </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>GAY PURR-EE!</b></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3ux2B3zi7Ov2g1bpv4_avVzmbtlIwjqu7er1gGg7RW37XYgkN-pwbnCrzTw07HeBMSUyJI-E_yR1YtV8i2pfjOkXzrivTAx4TOF0r6mWF1-NcbP_jMjmic5pAk5fH2uSNQQi2lqzGYaA/s1600/gay-purr-ee-movie-poster-1962-1020205370.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3ux2B3zi7Ov2g1bpv4_avVzmbtlIwjqu7er1gGg7RW37XYgkN-pwbnCrzTw07HeBMSUyJI-E_yR1YtV8i2pfjOkXzrivTAx4TOF0r6mWF1-NcbP_jMjmic5pAk5fH2uSNQQi2lqzGYaA/s400/gay-purr-ee-movie-poster-1962-1020205370.jpg" width="257" /></a></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"></b><br />
<a name='more'></a><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">First of all, no one is more surprised than I to learn that The Aristocats was a ripoff. Even more surprising is that anyone would rip this off in the first place, since it’s a complete mess. At least The Aristocats’ plot was a weird story about an inheritance, as opposed to a freaking insane story about grooming a sex slave.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yeah. We’ll get to that.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As I mentioned previously, Warner got into the animation game after distributing several animated films for smaller studios, and we’ll be looking at some of those for the next few weeks. Or, knowing my schedule, months. We’ll try to stick to weeks. The first of these comes to us from the pioneering animation studio United Productions of America. UPA was instrumental in developing the production technique of limited animation. While it got a bad reputation after being abused as a cost-saving measure on TV in the 60s and 70s, limited animation began as an artistic response to the detail and realism of Disney and Warner Bros. cartoons. With the exaggerated designs and simplified movements, cartoons like Mr. Magoo and Gerald McBoingBoing were seen as a fresh and modern take on animation, and with good reason.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXNwmgX4PrmAlr5gpnV2gm9B9qlXF4qYxX9Ag9fc5LmO7PSP3YwzlpHi6lgLa9Pe5sIlnRb6OJ22xytVNy4QuqWMWOtaULjaqSiKYwPtOsDbJs3N4iuIDPrkBwgGN-2iGbD81zQNXI6uY/s1600/Gay+Purree++Judy+Garland+Screencaps+1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXNwmgX4PrmAlr5gpnV2gm9B9qlXF4qYxX9Ag9fc5LmO7PSP3YwzlpHi6lgLa9Pe5sIlnRb6OJ22xytVNy4QuqWMWOtaULjaqSiKYwPtOsDbJs3N4iuIDPrkBwgGN-2iGbD81zQNXI6uY/s400/Gay+Purree++Judy+Garland+Screencaps+1.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Voulez-vous couchez avec meow?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But what works for a short subject or a TV show does not necessarily work for a feature length film. After a while, it stops looking charming and starts looking cheap. The simplified characters look fine - Chuck Jones produced this, and you can see his influence in the designs - but their simplified and repetitive movements become annoying and the underdeveloped backgrounds become an eyesore. They’re clearly meant to invoke the work of Van Gogh, but they didn’t take into account two things: First, Van Gogh was a genius, and they are cartoon background painters that couldn’t get work at a bigger studio, and second, Van Gogh was not an animator, and his stuff is intended to stand on its own, not to be the background to something else. And once they get out of Provence and into Paris, they suddenly have much less Van Gogh to rip off. I recall thinking that they should switch to Toulouse-Lautrec, but - ah, we’ll get to that.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdW30RgE3DbRaam1Ghm1p84bYyY_WWa2UsJrD0nUL3_y3BXa8XG27XzKQtmkuIpaTC7Ghd6xtTwZRRLxOlBML4m-o-tiCebrSHhNI2c_WEQWotjTKS-IJl8LvDCkcsymM6m2Y4Cv1uOms/s1600/dreams-sp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="161" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdW30RgE3DbRaam1Ghm1p84bYyY_WWa2UsJrD0nUL3_y3BXa8XG27XzKQtmkuIpaTC7Ghd6xtTwZRRLxOlBML4m-o-tiCebrSHhNI2c_WEQWotjTKS-IJl8LvDCkcsymM6m2Y4Cv1uOms/s400/dreams-sp.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; line-height: 20.7000007629395px; text-align: start; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">I mean, Kurosawa pulled off using Van Gogh as backgrounds, but that’s someone else they aren’t.</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">The plot, such as it is, is simple. Mewsette is a cat who lives out in the country with the mouser Jean-Tom, but grows tired of his boorish ways and runs off to Paris for big city excitement. There, she meets the blatantly predatory Meowrice, who pays her way into a finishing school so she can learn to be refined. What she does not know is that he is only grooming her so he can sell her as a mail-order bride to an American cat named Henry Pftt, the pronunciation of which is one of the only good jokes in the movie. Jean-Tom and his friend Robespierre, who doesn’t get a pun name for some reason, go to find her.</span><br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If there’s one thing you notice about this plot - apart from it sounding like some sort of racist 1880s dime novel about a sheikh buying white women - it’s that it’s incredibly thin. Yet the movie is interminable at only 85 minutes. There’s padding like I’ve never seen in this. There’s a LONG section of the movie where Meowrice writes a letter to Pftt describing paintings he commissioned of Mewsette by Van Gogh, </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claude_Monet" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Monet</span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henri_de_Toulouse-Lautrec" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Toulouse-Lautrec</span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georges_Seurat" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Seurat</span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henri_Rousseau" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rousseau</span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amedeo_Modigliani" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Modigliani</span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edgar_Degas" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Degas</span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auguste_Renoir" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Renoir</span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_C%C3%A9zanne" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Cézanne</span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Gauguin" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Gauguin</span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> and</span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pablo_Picasso" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Picasso</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. And if reading that list made your eyes glaze a bit, imagine a movie taking a break from any sort of forward movement to spend several minutes showing you a drawing of a cat in each of their styles. It’s cute for the first three, and then you’re just wondering how long it’ll go on. And he doesn’t just show the pictures, he describes their styles and everything. It would work for an elementary school art class, but not for a scene in a movie. Especially since I have no idea how Meowrice is going to send that letter. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWj_JIShXz9KwNlnvArqHlrw2e6hHGA6M9_zm8Z7Mkh29tyk7PDye8Vd2lGca5LVdA_4layC9Al8Noo2TZCmdlfVcGanDuQ3zY0KcRAz_tF4gPTQSaOwNrg_aCZX0Ggpv9_sDimm56twA/s1600/gaypuree03.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWj_JIShXz9KwNlnvArqHlrw2e6hHGA6M9_zm8Z7Mkh29tyk7PDye8Vd2lGca5LVdA_4layC9Al8Noo2TZCmdlfVcGanDuQ3zY0KcRAz_tF4gPTQSaOwNrg_aCZX0Ggpv9_sDimm56twA/s320/gaypuree03.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Two Drunk Cats, this fall on CBS</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yeah, my old nemesis “animal world/human world” reared its ugly head again this time around. The cats appear to be subject to humans, yet Meowrice can send letters, hire a horse and carriage, and commission paintings from human painters. The cats sometimes seem human-sized, and sometimes cat-sized. Sometimes a landmark will be given a cat name, like the Mewlon Rouge, sometimes they’ll use the real one. It’s so lazy. At least with things like An American Tail, there was an effort to make a “mouse world”, even if it didn’t make any sense. In this, it’s like they just don’t care.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The voices are a mixed bag. Mewsette is voiced by Judy Garland, and the film is SO EXCITED about that. She’s billed above the title, her photo is on the poster and in the opening credits, they even put her right up front on the DVD. She’s pretty terrible, though. She’s at the end of her career, and near the end of her life, and is pretty audibly pilled out of her mind the whole time. At the opposite end of his career is Robert Goulet as Jean-Tom, who sings well enough, but his acting is pretty flat. Paul Frees does well enough as Meowrice. He’s not trying that hard, but this is the kind of thing he could do in his sleep. He breaks out the ol’ Rocky and Bullwinkle accents to play a few minor parts, too. Red Buttons, Hermione Gingold, and Mel Blanc fill out the cast, and all do an acceptable job with what they’re given.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDZdPPQ-6RD_WDFSrgcLXH7lHtPIi7cnZ4W1MHeYmWPorelZ-Qf11CRJEmVPQnRaPOh48VUVTofN7SgkqTrlbJ4Yl1IG-n_cU3CblWyWZ_n0jlgrC9TqNGeWvhrcJjJz_JMFkH3Diu5qM/s1600/img_b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="202" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDZdPPQ-6RD_WDFSrgcLXH7lHtPIi7cnZ4W1MHeYmWPorelZ-Qf11CRJEmVPQnRaPOh48VUVTofN7SgkqTrlbJ4Yl1IG-n_cU3CblWyWZ_n0jlgrC9TqNGeWvhrcJjJz_JMFkH3Diu5qM/s320/img_b.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">GO TO HELL, NERMAL</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The music is terrible. Garland pushed for them to hire Hal Arlen and Yip Harburg, who made her a superstar with “Over the Rainbow”. But that was over two decades prior, and either they lost it, or they were seriously phoning it in. There are about 400 songs in this movie, and they’re all about two hours in length and make no sense. And the animators use the singing as an excuse to get imaginative with the visuals, which means two things: Lazier animation, and dumbass “wacky” imagery. It’s awful. And I don’t remember any of them. I have dim memories about how horses are peeping toms or something.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZGmEto2R8ZuWU7wGbRaaHvOQbUynX1dLgYSaEQeOarnMM05_oTvqVdApFOO3Rq4paayNJ4lQzDUsChOeKJ-_Qn5L2T_r3heixyOXPka_LtffmAE5vkBF-kBsAO2HYZg_7c2nfj0znZhU/s1600/gay-purree-disneyscreencaps.com-7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZGmEto2R8ZuWU7wGbRaaHvOQbUynX1dLgYSaEQeOarnMM05_oTvqVdApFOO3Rq4paayNJ4lQzDUsChOeKJ-_Qn5L2T_r3heixyOXPka_LtffmAE5vkBF-kBsAO2HYZg_7c2nfj0znZhU/s400/gay-purree-disneyscreencaps.com-7.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOUUwVzy9MNqpkqCDQK37nltFqsf2HVID0_1yZuK1Q2DDfWdhxKDq9qFDYELqxasETEi-cRlOP-BSNMDOEaLPl9ii0Aqv49sw7RY0LhI4TkYmLLuvfQo98W4o7buYZhQPH0CB5oKbJVW0/s1600/gay-purree-disneyscreencaps.com-9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOUUwVzy9MNqpkqCDQK37nltFqsf2HVID0_1yZuK1Q2DDfWdhxKDq9qFDYELqxasETEi-cRlOP-BSNMDOEaLPl9ii0Aqv49sw7RY0LhI4TkYmLLuvfQo98W4o7buYZhQPH0CB5oKbJVW0/s400/gay-purree-disneyscreencaps.com-9.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not really sure how a cartoon has a "special guest"...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Look, this one is not worth watching. It’s got some brief flashes of what could have been a very entertaining movie, but the UPA style wasn’t up for a feature, and the script was a big heap of nothing. Hopefully we have better luck next time with “Animalympics”. Spoiler: We do not.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* If they were so dead set on impressing me with their art history knowledge, they should know that at the time the movie took place, Seurat and Van Gogh were dead, Modigliani was ten, and Picasso was freaking Spanish.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* If the Mewlon Rouge sounds familiar to you, it’s probably due to the cult classic film of the same name, starring Mewan MacGregor, Nicole Catman, and John Leguizamo The Cat.</span></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRA_LX69L34kBdzeOctTNKyKFGBB1MJbVVSUe-HuyUEyTQ3yBx0hSdD9kO4fXNEsPi4ldsOk6Axz7TS65Zb9w9j2hbc9qMtjXDHr-v_BH7B0J0MK8Ht_TRehVdqATQx1JJYK0m7DTYK-Q/s1600/71761a25a1a094220807fdffdad88c56.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRA_LX69L34kBdzeOctTNKyKFGBB1MJbVVSUe-HuyUEyTQ3yBx0hSdD9kO4fXNEsPi4ldsOk6Axz7TS65Zb9w9j2hbc9qMtjXDHr-v_BH7B0J0MK8Ht_TRehVdqATQx1JJYK0m7DTYK-Q/s400/71761a25a1a094220807fdffdad88c56.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Okay, these guys were pretty cool.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Chuck Jones had an exclusive contract with Warner while moonlighting on this movie (his wife wrote the screenplay), and when they picked it up for distribution, they found out and fired him. And without him, their animation department basically crumbled and died. Worked out okay for him, he went over to MGM, revitalized Tom and Jerry, and won another Oscar.</span>The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-60204252371851210762015-03-22T18:28:00.002-07:002015-03-22T18:30:55.483-07:00Titan A.E. (Fox Animation Studios, 2000)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The year was 2000. AOL ruled the internet, George Bush was known mainly for occasionally saying something silly, and a young Jimmy Fallon was teaching us all how to laugh. As America settled into the new Willenium, a nerdy tenth grader named Brian Lynch was very excited about a new movie, a cool sci-fi drama. Something mature, with real ideas. Something that knew animation that didn’t have to be for kids. Finally, the promise of </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Invasion America</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> would be fulfilled! And it came out and I loved it. I watched the VHS several times, but I haven’t seen it at all over the past dozen years. Turns out it’s not that good. Spoilers.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-7b6faecc-443a-14e8-319f-08f69dad0c9e" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">GUNS! </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">PUNCHES!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">BUTTS!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">THE SONG STYLINGS OF LIT!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IT’S </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">TITAN AE</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">!</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuIXQpRaxlzqt2a9-euaW7kFIEOUTX9wMpsUQnFeEWp3XF79xwz3LFYFZ7VnfesXlitr-gv-IFV-M9rbMoRMXuyDWObItAhLeQ9o_khFtkS0ap_N1gZLniaJ_-Z599CyiD62jNuyaTkjw/s1600/Titan_AE_One_Sheet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuIXQpRaxlzqt2a9-euaW7kFIEOUTX9wMpsUQnFeEWp3XF79xwz3LFYFZ7VnfesXlitr-gv-IFV-M9rbMoRMXuyDWObItAhLeQ9o_khFtkS0ap_N1gZLniaJ_-Z599CyiD62jNuyaTkjw/s1600/Titan_AE_One_Sheet.jpg" height="400" width="270" /></a></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"></b><br />
<a name='more'></a><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ll be honest, even looking back over what an idiot I was as a teenager (we all were), my desire for mature animation wasn’t completely unfounded. The Animation Age Ghetto, as TV Tropes calls it, was much more strongly in place back then. After a brief, Ralph Bakshi-driven surge of animated drama for adults in the late 70s/early 80s, but had mostly died off by my high school years. The Simpsons, and other shows like The Critic, King of the Hill, and Beavis and Butthead had shown that non-kid oriented animated comedy was viable, and that would be solidified in 2001 with the creation of Adult Swim, but drama/action? Not so much. There were attempts, such as </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Æon Flux, The Maxx, Spawn, and the aforementioned Invasion America, but none of them were huge hits. The biggest successes in animated drama actually WERE for kids, Batman: The Animated Series, Superman: The Animated Series, and Batman Beyond, which did not seem to feel the need to tell people it was an animated series. It was my love of these shows that left me desperate to see a real, proper, animated sci-fi movie.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Sure, a lot of it was just teenage insecurity at liking “kid’s stuff”, but mostly it was a desire to see someone take full advantage of the possibilities of the medium. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxAFml77DTfpf4pecq34ExWTXwQCQLKx9r_wBM7GhewixDreSbDpI7_YzPg2pMQboH1Xd_TNJNHVu4_0AO386Y9E89ZJqHgB8vKC_uIJpwEl7Zt-rRXg9sCdomLnHtUeFFfMl42StnT40/s1600/aCsE7yR.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxAFml77DTfpf4pecq34ExWTXwQCQLKx9r_wBM7GhewixDreSbDpI7_YzPg2pMQboH1Xd_TNJNHVu4_0AO386Y9E89ZJqHgB8vKC_uIJpwEl7Zt-rRXg9sCdomLnHtUeFFfMl42StnT40/s1600/aCsE7yR.png" height="250" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Like, maybe it could have more butts in it.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The biggest problem this movie has is that perception, that cartoons were for kids. I have no doubt that Joss Whedon (Yeah! Him!) and Don Bluth (Yeah! Still!) fully intended to make a real had sci-fi story, but I have equally little doubt that Fox fully intended to sell Happy Meal toys, and the result is maddeningly schizophrenic, constantly pulling punches, afraid to be seen as something kid’s wouldn’t watch. And yet, there’s still clearly drama meant for adult audiences. There’s blood and beatings. People die. You very clearly see a butt at one point. And yet the movie is also full of moments intended to appeal to a child audience. And the marketing was just as confused as the movie.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Of course, there were other problems. The film had languished in development hell for years by the time Whedon and Bluth came on. Bluth was the second director, and Whedon the fifth writer, with Tick creator and future Angel head writer Ben Edlund taking the first draft, and Tim Burton mainstay John August further refining it. When a film’s been around for that long, switching creators that much, it’s a film without a vision. And it was finally rushed out just so it would beat Treasure Planet to theaters.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There is still a lot of good, though. The plot is pretty trite, to be honest. Alien race attacks Earth, humanity nearly wiped out, surviving humans scattered, ragtag crew looks for The Titan, a race-saving MacGuffin. But the story built on that formulaic framework is a lot of fun. Whedon’s fingers are all over this one, and the movie often plays like a rough draft of Firefly. The heroes’ ship, in particular, basically is Serenity. Buffy was a few years in by this point, so his banter engine was running at full speed. His love of subverting expectations also appears, most notably in a bit where the crew tries to bluff their into a prison, and the guard, rather than being fooled, just points out several major flaws in their disguises. There’s also a bit where they have to jump across the vacuum of space from one ship to another, and they exhale before they do so, which is what you would do, but is hardly obvious. There are also excellent uses of gravity-free environments and a crazy chase in a planet’s rings. Why rings and not the more traditional asteroid field? Because asteroids in an asteroid field are several million miles apart, despite what Star Fox has told you.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifrxSkxoy0SlIfEsXp0KXlnJdVvl98NHiPhd9luO5uBKaO1Mz54t-ZMRifwWyVLrtbSIBsOU92H3freqcIdFJcZTe7OLxOtzBMLRtImQQA3y4UYwQ0ewRIQpubVNT8Onc4j23o42JClSY/s1600/goon_readingmap_02.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifrxSkxoy0SlIfEsXp0KXlnJdVvl98NHiPhd9luO5uBKaO1Mz54t-ZMRifwWyVLrtbSIBsOU92H3freqcIdFJcZTe7OLxOtzBMLRtImQQA3y4UYwQ0ewRIQpubVNT8Onc4j23o42JClSY/s1600/goon_readingmap_02.jpg" height="171" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">They did have a Slippy, though.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Since this is Bluth’s last movie, I’m pleased to report that the animation is mostly excellent. The rotoscoping is back, and apart from some moments where people had to move quickly across the CGI backgrounds and looked like they were floating, it still works. The alien design is very good, even if it is obvious that they all started with “Earth Animal ________ + Space”. CGI was used very extensively, comprising not just the backgrounds, but all the props, most costumes, and the entire enemy species. The actual quality of the CGI is ehh, but probably as good as any non-Pixar company could do at the time. But the 2D characters’ interaction with it was better than I’ve seen in any pre-2000 film. I particularly liked the scenes set outside the ships, where the 2D humans were put inside big, chunky 3D spacesuits. The actual space stuff also looks great, with a real highlight of the film being a Red October-style battle between two ships trying to avoid each other in a crowd of huge ice crystals, which threw up huge reflections and screwed with all the sensors.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Bluth’s A-game at casting is also still felt, albeit with some notable and rare missteps, namely the three human leads. Like Meg Ryan and John Cusack in Anastasia, we’ve got a real bland people issue, here. The heroes are Matt Damon, right on the first crest of his movie stardom, and Drew Barrymore, then at one of the peaks of hers. Neither has a particularly distinctive voice, and the fact that the audibly super-white Barrymore is playing a Japanese character doesn’t help. Damon’s character is “Cale Tucker”, which is a terrible name. As their captain, Bill Pullman does have a distinctive voice, but he doesn’t do anything with it but be bland and fatherly. What’s really annoying about that is that Cale’s actual father, who only appears in two brief scenes, is played by Ron Perlman, who is amazing as always, but looks like this:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZLw99soqHceE_Otz_FHOXBDSZetbO5FK-GkgkEwHFZ8X5kM44ZUIN8oMkIBGlO3tTJqv0W12bhiB7OCb_N_O0K6TqMtJRA9XsgxniQmiWu-rGH-KKl0pRvYE20eQVPlpH4JDdSv7MT00/s1600/char_53780.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; line-height: normal; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; white-space: normal;"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZLw99soqHceE_Otz_FHOXBDSZetbO5FK-GkgkEwHFZ8X5kM44ZUIN8oMkIBGlO3tTJqv0W12bhiB7OCb_N_O0K6TqMtJRA9XsgxniQmiWu-rGH-KKl0pRvYE20eQVPlpH4JDdSv7MT00/s1600/char_53780.jpg" title="" /></a></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That is not what someone who sounds like Ron Perlman should look like. Cast Pullman as Bland Dad and let Perlman play the morally grey badass space pirate, that’s what I say. The aliens, thankfully, fare much better. Still picking hip and current actors, but this time ones that can actually do a character voice. John Leguizamo plays a turtley little scientist, and Janeane Garofalo plays the badass gunner. Best performance in the movie, though, goes to Nathan Lane, who puts on a vaguely British accent and plays Preed, the ship’s slim, muscular, sexy, and dangerous first mate, skillfully adopting several adjectives that one would normally not apply to Nathan Lane. Supporting voices include Tone Loc, Charles Rocket, and Jim Bruer, because 2000.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Speaking of Because 2000, remember back in the first half of that decade, when every movie was desperate to sell you a soundtrack full of trendy hits that play loudly at several points throughout the movie? Yeah, that happens here in a big way. Lit, Splashdown, and of course, Powerman 5000. Powerman 5000 was on pretty much every single soundtrack of the decade. Especially video game ones. Anyway, for me, this was fun and nostalgic, but if you’re someone who would find their suspension of disbelief damaged by the movie taking a two minute break so they can have a montage set to a Jamiroquai single, be warned.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOho8_MgqCdugRkhyc0QcVfoUWm0FBhC3Z66lGfsjoBMviD3dhK14zA8iQfanQZEfvAwZZRCZFjsz6zCxmiMiakoaYjimvrL6fZLeBoSi5BPR8TDXU_2EZKG7SB2QU7MDik8t6j802UIo/s1600/tumblr_lgw9fpnAyQ1qzluo9o1_500.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOho8_MgqCdugRkhyc0QcVfoUWm0FBhC3Z66lGfsjoBMviD3dhK14zA8iQfanQZEfvAwZZRCZFjsz6zCxmiMiakoaYjimvrL6fZLeBoSi5BPR8TDXU_2EZKG7SB2QU7MDik8t6j802UIo/s1600/tumblr_lgw9fpnAyQ1qzluo9o1_500.png" height="168" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Who's been messing with my Green Jellÿ albums? Okay, album. Okay, the Maximum Carnage soundtrack."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Look, I know I ragged on this a bit at the beginning of the review, and yeah, it’s a mess. But it’s a grand mess, and a mess worth seeing. The film was a huge flop, it shut down Fox Animation, ended Bluth’s already floundering career, and helped spell the end for 2D animation. But it’s still worth a look, especially if you’re a fan of Whedon. Is it the Serious Business Sci-fi Drama that 16 year old Brian wanted? Not remotely. But it’s good enough for a bit of light fun. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Bluth basically retired after this, with only a couple of video games and a music video to his name since. He makes the occasional rumble about directing another feature, but mostly seems happy with a bit of writing and teaching. He continues working with Gary Goldman, who still doesn’t seem to feel like making a big deal about himself. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Joss Whedon also co-wrote Toy Story, so he’s got one animation success story. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXMzOx5Jazx1ieyzyV9CGtu7AvxQaaycUVaVaYSnfFykNkrutvPBEh8dQXNj8ddhfq_5oIzzjMCX7MJJ8JgnwUPzw3qd18ua4sdmrrp1Qsm4Ujo-nARfRhcGRazb5e-LwG7WY4cj_-JCM/s1600/3703422-4976333666-titan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXMzOx5Jazx1ieyzyV9CGtu7AvxQaaycUVaVaYSnfFykNkrutvPBEh8dQXNj8ddhfq_5oIzzjMCX7MJJ8JgnwUPzw3qd18ua4sdmrrp1Qsm4Ujo-nARfRhcGRazb5e-LwG7WY4cj_-JCM/s1600/3703422-4976333666-titan.jpg" height="226" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Someone order some faceless, underdeveloped, dumb looking villains?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Remember </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Invasion America</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">? Of course you don’t.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* The A.E. stands for “After Earth”, by the way. The film takes place in the year 16 A.E.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Okay, I got some spoilers to talk about here, so since I recommended the movie, I’m separating them.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">SPOILER ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Bill Pullman actually has a few good moments, all of which come after his character was revealed to be working for the Drej the whole time, leading them to the Titan so they could destroy it. The harsh edge in his voice works much better for a villain, and he puts a lot more energy into it. Still would have been better as Ron Perlman, though.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3lL9J9eFqBVG4yFel3mlX-UgditouVDsDeYl_dLuUeVeuqbuH-cQDBVTZTewJGft8ax-tx1FLH-auYcP1MqaChhroDGS6ZlFVr0YvkBpOOODMEYt22hxuvc3wY4if4bOHmC5hIgSGsJM/s1600/TitanAE2229.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3lL9J9eFqBVG4yFel3mlX-UgditouVDsDeYl_dLuUeVeuqbuH-cQDBVTZTewJGft8ax-tx1FLH-auYcP1MqaChhroDGS6ZlFVr0YvkBpOOODMEYt22hxuvc3wY4if4bOHmC5hIgSGsJM/s1600/TitanAE2229.jpg" height="171" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Damn you, sexy Nathan Lane!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Preed was also working for them, but after an attempt at a triple cross, he is extremely brutally killed onscreen via neck-snapping by Korso. Apart from the butt, this is the movie’s biggest moment of confusion over who their audience is meant to be.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Cale eventually beats the Drej by using their bodies as fuel for the Titan. Since it’s hypothesized earlier that the Drej feared what humanity might to to them if they reached space, I GUESS THEY WERE RIGHT. Jeez, that’s a stupid ending.</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* And how exactly does the Titan work? With a massive charge of energy, apparently from a few thousand sentient beings, it explodes all the crystals in the rings, and uses them to build a planet around itself? If it’s the core of the new planet, how are all the DNA samples inside of it going to get out to form the new Earth? How did Cale and Akima wind up standing on its surface? Why does it already have mountains and oceans? How do they eat, and breathe, and other science facts?</span>The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-4195723636390830082015-03-15T15:24:00.002-07:002015-03-15T15:24:34.020-07:00Bartok the Magnificent (Fox Animation Studios, 1999)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In 1994, Disney released a direct-to-video movie called The Return of Jafar. This was a sequel to Aladdin, and was made not by Walt Disney Feature Animation (as it was then known), but by Walt Disney Television Animation. WDTVA, or DisneyToon, as they came to be known, had previously made a Duck Tales movie in 1990, but this was their first film produced directly for the home video market, and the first sequel to one of their modern animated classics. Another Aladdin movie followed, then a couple for Beauty and the Beast, then the Lion King, Pocahontas and more. By 1999, they had set up quite a little cottage industry of VHS cheapies. And that’s an industry Fox wanted to be a part of. So, armed with a fairly popular supporting character from a recent hit, the studio set Bluth and Goldman to making something profitable, and if it was watchable, hey, bonus.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-094542ff-1f77-7a6a-23b2-fc2ff3a0c2b7" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">GOOD CASTING! </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">OKAY WRITING!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">PASSABLE MUSIC!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ACCEPTABLE ANIMATION!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ALSO SOME TERRIBLE ANIMATION!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IT’S </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>BARTOK THE MAGNIFICENT</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">!</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1F7gYN8Q5OW3hkraqrdIiGioeRyRPB61QlBlVLj4H64QMDqV0YiKQ3YfLFdImVCk0EwlZseeFm631Q8UWUKEmTqvK_CpZqRcv_SkkeK1yY314CdLLJu3ND5Kk40s5MLw3YSilWo4N8s8/s1600/Bartok_the_Magnificent.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1F7gYN8Q5OW3hkraqrdIiGioeRyRPB61QlBlVLj4H64QMDqV0YiKQ3YfLFdImVCk0EwlZseeFm631Q8UWUKEmTqvK_CpZqRcv_SkkeK1yY314CdLLJu3ND5Kk40s5MLw3YSilWo4N8s8/s1600/Bartok_the_Magnificent.jpg" height="400" width="273" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<a name='more'></a><br /><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Okay, so first, a little bit about Bartok, because I ignored him all through the Anastasia review. He is a pretty blatant rip on Iago from Aladdin, a little flying beastie that helps out the tall, berobed villain, and utters occasional sarcastic rejoinders in an anachronistic tone. The difference between the two was that Iago was… Well, Iago was a bad guy. He actively enjoyed causing mayhem and helping the villain, and took great pleasure in tormenting the heroes. Bartok, on the other wing, just sort of vaguely hung out and offered generic character-building advice, then left before the final fight, having basically no impact on the plot.</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXqf4TxsAE8bzzeJHfdNv38phZzIzWa8_xwVkaMpXQUk73gbohjgENBrK6LXboZlKLrkWPQq7t-MUln80uCYBfHGdvLv-nNMeStFb-O7RaIPPPL8NY0y2AQ6YAVe7luv-eZyiWn4pGXUk/s1600/download.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXqf4TxsAE8bzzeJHfdNv38phZzIzWa8_xwVkaMpXQUk73gbohjgENBrK6LXboZlKLrkWPQq7t-MUln80uCYBfHGdvLv-nNMeStFb-O7RaIPPPL8NY0y2AQ6YAVe7luv-eZyiWn4pGXUk/s1600/download.jpg" height="302" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Hey, anyone here know what a bat looks like? Ah, I'll just guess."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But people still loved him. He was fairly charmingly written, and masterfully voiced in a generically Eastern European warble by Hank Azaria, so when the time came for a spinoff, it made perfect sense to feature him. I guess it’s a prequel, since there’s a Tsar in it, but frankly, the movie doesn’t care and neither do I. The story removes him from henching entirely, casting him as a traveling showman who delights Russian citizens with stories of how he killed various and sundry monsters all over the world. It’s all malarkey, of course, but then the young Tsar is kidnapped, the people of Moscow turn to the famous monster hunter Bartok to take down the evil Baba Yaga. The obviously evil regent Ludmilla agrees to this, figuring that Bartok is an incompetent clown who will fail, and she can take over with the people knowing she did all she could to stop it. It’s a lot like the plot of Ace Ventura 2, only a lot less racist.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I guess since Bluth is an animator at heart, it only makes sense for us to talk about the animation first. I’m willing to make some concessions for the obviously reduced budget, but it’s still a mixed bag. The animation on the main characters is quite good, if a bit simplified. It looks like Bluth mostly forsook rotoscoping in this one, and the exaggerated characters look great. Their general design and style of movement is pure Bluth. The background people, though… Look, I get that the budget had to be cut somewhere, but there are several points in the movie where the background people have “animation” that consists of just cutting between three static poses, with no in-between animation. It’s hideous. And the integration of animated characters with painted backgrounds and CGI elements is terrible. But it’s DTV, so I give it a lot of slack. And it still effectively tells the story.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeD91mk8s1PXjOji765K-Xgot0pgdiqYJ3XgciPxxQW2Y8gwcFbpiEK8gNzVUl5niVZp7mPEWhmJW_5rV8FB4LOE7jpXT2F6sSCaNpI6YTGi63g-nxoFyVa_xyKGqAzbO4dWf95ZSTcCM/s1600/shot4_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeD91mk8s1PXjOji765K-Xgot0pgdiqYJ3XgciPxxQW2Y8gwcFbpiEK8gNzVUl5niVZp7mPEWhmJW_5rV8FB4LOE7jpXT2F6sSCaNpI6YTGi63g-nxoFyVa_xyKGqAzbO4dWf95ZSTcCM/s1600/shot4_large.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Someone dramatically drinking a magic potion like they're in a Mountain Dew commercial is tough even with a budget.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The voices, on the other hand, are still phenomenal, and I’m really seeing this as one of Bluth’s strongest fields. Hank Azaria is Bartok, of course, and he’s amazing, of course. For those that don’t know, Azaria is a character actor who’d had a few bit parts in the mid-80s, when his agent booked him a voice-over role, playing a bartender on a cartoon sitcom. Despite having no voice-over experience, the 25 year old Azaria impressed the producers, who brought him back to play an incompetent police chief and an Indian store clerk. Those of you who do know him know where this is going. When the Simpsons was renewed for a second season, Azaria was hired as a regular, and added to Moe, Chief Wiggum, and Apu such diverse characters as Carl, Cletus the Slack-jawed Yokel, Comic Book Guy, Professor Frink, the Sea Captain, Frank Grimes, Dr. Nick, Disco Stu, the Wise Guy, Milhouse’s dad, Snake, and Dr. Nick. What I’m getting at here is that he’s massively talented as a cartoon voice. Yet despite this, he’s done very little animation work, preferring to work in live action, taking on a large range of character and lead roles, in such diverse roles as the gritty showtime drama Huff, the wild farce The Birdcage, and the superhero comedy Mystery Men. What he did not do was any more voice-over stuff. Anastasia was a tiny blip on a voice career that consists almost entirely of the Simpsons and a few arthouse-type cartoons. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But that’s enough about the interesting and varied career of Hank Azaria. I mention it only to say that he’s one of the absolute best voice guys in the business, but it’s a rare treat to hear him off the one show. And the best part is that he isn’t just doing one of his Simpsons voices. It’s a completely original voice unlike any I’ve heard on that show (though he seems to come from the same generically European country as Dr. Nick). </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlWit_PdKfQkNG27V6i17wdl7WYQqVMc7kbVlwkHJloEaKYVtCU7DNiLXm9kHtcxRkXjzJNJFxGB4O5vTYDB2l3_zYBTbYJ_3Vul5EWw2spj7Ye7gpEmg_c08TRVvfkeb57xOTemfhuiY/s1600/BabaYagaBartok.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlWit_PdKfQkNG27V6i17wdl7WYQqVMc7kbVlwkHJloEaKYVtCU7DNiLXm9kHtcxRkXjzJNJFxGB4O5vTYDB2l3_zYBTbYJ_3Vul5EWw2spj7Ye7gpEmg_c08TRVvfkeb57xOTemfhuiY/s1600/BabaYagaBartok.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Baba Yaga's weirdly flat nose must have been annoying to animate, and it adds nothing.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The rest of the cast approaches the same level. It was a much tougher sell to get big stars to do a direct to video movie voice back in those days, before Disney really clicked the DTV machine into overdrive, but Bluth has friends. Two Anastasia vets return in different roles. Andrea Martin is used to far better effect as the Baba Yaga than she was as a few random villagers, and Kelsey Grammer drops the Russian accent to play Bartok’s partner, a cultured and intelligent bear. Catherine O’Hara plays the villain, and is wonderful as always. Jennifer Tilly and French Stewart play mythical beasties that Bartok encounters on his journey, and it’s a real tribute to Tilly’s talent that I didn’t find a magical stretchy scatterbrained hairy pink snake thing to be extremely annoying. Diedrich Bader, at the very start of his prolific voice acting career, played the captain of the Tsarevich’s guard with the spark of energy that would serve him well in cartoons to come. Tim Curry plays a big metal CGI skull that asks riddles, and at least he sounds like he's enjoying himself. Oh, and because it wouldn’t be an Anastasia movie without an weirdly semi-famous extra (I mean, apparently), Tim Burton mainstay Glenn Shadix is credited as “Townspeople”. Weirdly, there are no other townspeople credited, which seems to imply to me that he’s more of “Townsperson”, but whatever.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWW1Zi0YsfCR6KtgyPULpCuX8kV-1RIrFCTfBHSK3DB79yDzklhRdzcY4xD-8M8ph7i22C_bsF2t-FazvY4muxVUaTY4kswxP0h2cOwDfMD7tPbFDynnJxAZ5urKBplyMBl_U9LijlWVA/s1600/705312_1304259723964_full.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWW1Zi0YsfCR6KtgyPULpCuX8kV-1RIrFCTfBHSK3DB79yDzklhRdzcY4xD-8M8ph7i22C_bsF2t-FazvY4muxVUaTY4kswxP0h2cOwDfMD7tPbFDynnJxAZ5urKBplyMBl_U9LijlWVA/s1600/705312_1304259723964_full.png" height="298" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">For some reason I'm not bothered that the bear has a hat, but the fact that it's full of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7N7EZ79mvM">marshmellons </a>annoys me to no end.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The music is okay, I guess. Stephen Flaherty returns, but he’s writing his own lyrics this time. He isn’t bad, but I think it took the wind out of his sails a bit. Of the several songs, only the first one has either lyrical spark or a memorable tune. They’re all passable, but they’re kind of cliche storms. I didn’t hate any of the while I was watching, so that’s something, I guess.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So yeah, better than I thought it was going to be, for whatever that’s worth. It’s not one of Bluth’s better movies, but it’s far far farrrrrr from his worst. And considering he only had one more movie in him, it was good to see that he was still innovating and going with gusto, even when tasked with making a DTV cheapie. Coming up next is the final film for both Bluth and Fox Animation Studios. It’s a gritty space opera released on the heels of Star Wars Episode 1. I loved it when I was in high school. I have the feeling I’m going to be disappointed.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaeemruRmziXldfOWonaboPg8Mtj2aUuZJRZBHdzxl4ARbXFtSEB5bCy-W6Njc1YikrbwpK_tDT7OXstaepzWFGf6eJuFx-Ts_KmGuG2hSSqCDsm3my5VjFebozHaof2lv7kaSL-DF9_A/s1600/pic_detail4d0398d9a0336.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaeemruRmziXldfOWonaboPg8Mtj2aUuZJRZBHdzxl4ARbXFtSEB5bCy-W6Njc1YikrbwpK_tDT7OXstaepzWFGf6eJuFx-Ts_KmGuG2hSSqCDsm3my5VjFebozHaof2lv7kaSL-DF9_A/s1600/pic_detail4d0398d9a0336.png" height="298" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Okay, just put the 2D snow all over the CGI tower - no, it will look absolutely seamless, I promise."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Hank Azaria’s current salary for the Simpsons works out to about $50,000 an hour. Nice work if you can get it.</span></div>
<br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* He’s also really done hardly any animation work other thank the Simpsons. He was Venom on the 90s Spider-Man series, and a pair of chicks in "Hop", a movie that I have never seen and probably never will. Other than that and the artsy indie stuff i referenced before, it's all been live action character roles and stage stuff.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* There's a bit where Baba Yaga gives Bartok a potion that will amplify the goodness inside of him to make him a real hero. I'd assumed it was a Dumbo's magic feather deal, and the real magic was inside him all along, but then the villain drank it and turned into a dragon, so now I don't know what's what.
* Speaking of, while she was transforming, her body slowly changed over the course of a song, with notable bulging of her chest and hips. When looking for images for this post, I found a SUSPICIOUS number of screencaps of this scene, IF YOU GET WHAT I AM IMPLYING ABOUT CERTAIN SCREENCAPPERS.
* Given my writing speed, it might be a while, but I may as well tell you now, Volume 3 of this blog is "My Year With DisneyToon Studios". So that's fun.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* That's it. This movie's not worth too much thought. Here, have a crazy fanart.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAPGbPRO1c2dUTzEvDdn433YnnpX7f_veKt2l47JbpqZRETVasRowfL8yrFkuS-SOc6FYeoyWOSKXZiOIAqT_jfRC4Wh5fg1LCNi8yZVVN6Al2PwCq9ve7Z_EP_SvrzHM8b81RYKUs3B8/s1600/bartok_1_by_muddythefox-d4sjgzj.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAPGbPRO1c2dUTzEvDdn433YnnpX7f_veKt2l47JbpqZRETVasRowfL8yrFkuS-SOc6FYeoyWOSKXZiOIAqT_jfRC4Wh5fg1LCNi8yZVVN6Al2PwCq9ve7Z_EP_SvrzHM8b81RYKUs3B8/s1600/bartok_1_by_muddythefox-d4sjgzj.jpg" height="270" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-77851366165358870802015-02-07T17:41:00.001-08:002015-02-07T17:41:22.467-08:00Anastasia (Fox Animation Studios, 1997)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ah, the glory, the majesty, the having-more-than-twenty-bucks that is Fox Animation Studios. After the relative fiasco that was the end of Sullivan Bluth, Don and Gary were all too happy to follow the jingling purses of 20th Century Fox to run their studio. And run it they did. Right out of the gate, they made something pretty damn epic. A lush and sweeping remake of a Ingrid Bergman movie, filled with all the tricks and gewgaws and all-star voices Bluth had been denied for so long. Did going big work out for our long suffering hero? Or did he soar too close to the sun on sparkly, rotoscoped wings? LET’S FIND OUT TOGETHER.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-a21c53f5-66be-ff6d-0eb8-88870e980e2d" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">ROMANCE!</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">SONGS!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><strike>COMMUNISM</strike></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">?</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgopr_xrpRrCUkpRqPs6ykfFKg_MFdoCa60G2pnQoGpib_HpiwiXlYojWep4-W8JJERwOshCoBRR8o1dshUnxNHjSimTilAgmCWhqVvuSpHEFg3YUYsaJxWc9AwreXP6lUYxxs_PkzWOCw/s1600/cooltext1910965445.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgopr_xrpRrCUkpRqPs6ykfFKg_MFdoCa60G2pnQoGpib_HpiwiXlYojWep4-W8JJERwOshCoBRR8o1dshUnxNHjSimTilAgmCWhqVvuSpHEFg3YUYsaJxWc9AwreXP6lUYxxs_PkzWOCw/s1600/cooltext1910965445.gif" height="89" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IT’S </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>ANASTASIA</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">!</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi06Az9o6z9-4x_74n1fcDlXVr9OFdix3TWnNQV6J0vEOH7R-aIUdV_gSiiafNqZKzW6pHB8pPNBUFHD6SlFxrrXUizCRhRnU9xaQs9nC1_tL7ji_egVLefKcspF3IESH1I1_XFfBSwcGM/s1600/4070_5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi06Az9o6z9-4x_74n1fcDlXVr9OFdix3TWnNQV6J0vEOH7R-aIUdV_gSiiafNqZKzW6pHB8pPNBUFHD6SlFxrrXUizCRhRnU9xaQs9nC1_tL7ji_egVLefKcspF3IESH1I1_XFfBSwcGM/s1600/4070_5.jpg" height="400" width="270" /></a></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"></b><br />
<a name='more'></a><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">First off, yes, it’s a remake. Not a lot of people know that, but it is. Anastasia was a 1956 film about a suicidal woman with amnesia in inter-war France. When her shockingly close resemblance to the Grand Duchess Anastasia, who was killed in the Russian Revolution, is noticed by a former nobleman (played by Yul Brynner in a manner that can only be described as exceptionally Yul Brynnerly), he concocts a plan to convince her that she actually is Anastasia in order to swindle her grandmother out of ten million francs’ inheritance, which I think is the equivalent of a bazillion jillion dollars today. Eventually he comes to love her, and when she realizes his deception, declares that he doesn’t care about the money, and they run away together. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In this remake, there are some notable changes. For one thing, amnesia yes, suicide no. Also, ambiguity no. The 1956 film leaves it vague whether or not she is the lost duchess, this one makes it very clear she is. Secondarily, the nobleman has been split into two characters, the handsome young con artist Dimitri, and the sensitive old noble Vlad, the better to have a romance with young and poor Anya without a massive age and power difference. Sixth and lastly, a love triangle with another nobleman that supplied much of the plot conflict is removed. Thirdly, there is an evil wizard, and to conclude, they are lying knaves.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtSCZzo2PsbquHxWgnVzSs_Ga5kz9ZsLSPH0dRAIXDlX_VASbTtaVgbr6h_v-I2bXFp9Fo1qxqTM-obYJMJUHuR4l2QCOdWQOpj8tzYY33HbF9Gvk0AmjZKHX-CnofC2iK0EvZieeQ5UE/s1600/ChIpK7f.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtSCZzo2PsbquHxWgnVzSs_Ga5kz9ZsLSPH0dRAIXDlX_VASbTtaVgbr6h_v-I2bXFp9Fo1qxqTM-obYJMJUHuR4l2QCOdWQOpj8tzYY33HbF9Gvk0AmjZKHX-CnofC2iK0EvZieeQ5UE/s1600/ChIpK7f.gif" height="171" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I assure you, that joke makes sense with context.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This would be a REALLY easy one to harp on historical inaccuracies with, even if not for the depiction of Rasputin as a zombie sorcerer. It’s puzzling to me why I don’t find the admittedly contemptuous treatment of history in this movie to be as annoying as I did with, say, Pocahontas. Like Pocahontas, it takes an actual and quite serious historical event and uses it to create a silly romance movie. But unlike Pocahontas, you never get the impression that it’s leaning on history to prop up an unsteady story. The essential question of the film is: What if one of the numerous Romanov impostors of the 1920s turned out to be telling the truth? And it’s that “what if” that makes the difference. Pocahontas wasn’t “What if John Smith and Pocahontas fell in love?”, it was “A movie in which John Smith and Pocahontas fall in love.” A subtle but important difference. Pocahontas treated history as a storytelling tool. Anastasia was intentionally an alternate history.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But the question I asked of Pocahontas can still be fairly asked here: Was the story they told worth the changes in history? Was there a purpose behind turning Rasputin from a filthy oddball mystic to an evil monster, making the young Anastasia 7 instead of 17, and moving the Dowager Empress from London to Paris? Was there an excuse for depicting the Romanovs as wonderful and perfect, while the revolution was the result of demons fomenting dissent? Well, as horrible as that last part was, yeah. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihrMjk_97p83DUL0gyGAHNvBJ3B7gv9HJFJQJ3E7018nC5w0Enzz9pmeQm-j07hUeS28MpzALT3B40bZEP3x0T6v0DjMxDHG0Ab4X0KkmHvK5FhoCcaYAtpSdGY6RP54YPuMDCr0QjmRU/s1600/06.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihrMjk_97p83DUL0gyGAHNvBJ3B7gv9HJFJQJ3E7018nC5w0Enzz9pmeQm-j07hUeS28MpzALT3B40bZEP3x0T6v0DjMxDHG0Ab4X0KkmHvK5FhoCcaYAtpSdGY6RP54YPuMDCr0QjmRU/s1600/06.jpg" height="222" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Daddy, why do the peasants hate us?" "Ugh, I don't know, they're so poor."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Given Bluth’s fallen fortunes of late, and many of the film’s frankly goofy elements, I wasn’t holding out much hope for this movie. To my surprise, it wound up being a charming and heartfelt romance with a lot of good character work and strong animation and performances. It’s not perfect, and frankly would probably be improved if the whole Rasputin plot was extracted, but it’s really good. Probably better than An American Tail. Certainly better than Rock-a-Doodle, but to be fair, so is a nut shot. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The animation benefits immensely from the budget boost. After starting his career disliking rotoscoping, then gradually using it more and more as a budget saver, Bluth has finally just embraced it as a method of animation and it looks fabulous. The movements of the various characters are very natural and look great in the action scenes, and the non-rotoscoped characters, the more cartoonish Rasputin and Sophie, don’t look out of place. What does look out of place, though, is the CGI. I guess Bluth wasn’t happy with the way rotoscoping finally stopped looking hideously out of place, and decided to fill in that gap with some truly atrocious CGI props that don’t so much sit in the character’s hands as float awkwardly around them. I think it was an attempt to do what Disney did with the carpet in Aladdin, to make something too detailed to hand-animate, but it doesn’t work nearly as well.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The voices, on the other hand, work immensely well. The movie does suffer a bit from Bland Lead Syndrome. John Cusack and Meg Ryan are not what you’d call voice actors. They do all right, but they don’t have much to work with in the first place, and don’t have anything about their voices that stands out, apart from both sounding way too old to play their late-teens characters. But the supporting cast really picks up the slack. Kelsey Grammer brings a nice, fussy warmth to Vladimir, Angela Lansbury classes up the joint as the Dowager Empress. and Bernadette Peters brings a wild French mania to the Empress’s cousin Sophie. Villain-wise, Christopher Lloyd is Rasputin, and continues to be the best at the kind of hammy menace that a kids’ cartoon villain needs.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6wAefC4hhc3T6Nj7d9kUP_1ZuA1BUKdH6Ikddo9j9d9mMTtA82SKElNzV8C9R3z8mdMt0f_wae20iXzyfOO1QYxt7nnfsz-ZdaTmrQIjG_NFp2K450_RGl76porGV91yjodoH0i_v99E/s1600/PUHRL37M90.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6wAefC4hhc3T6Nj7d9kUP_1ZuA1BUKdH6Ikddo9j9d9mMTtA82SKElNzV8C9R3z8mdMt0f_wae20iXzyfOO1QYxt7nnfsz-ZdaTmrQIjG_NFp2K450_RGl76porGV91yjodoH0i_v99E/s1600/PUHRL37M90.png" height="225" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And his hairline is historically accurate.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Speaking of Rasputin, it’s been a while since we heard from one of our Disney mainstays, and Jim Cummings is back! He supplies the singing voice for Rasputin, and while his Christopher Lloyd impression is better than his Jeremy Irons, it still just sounds a lot like Jim Cummings. Still, it’s reassuring in its own way, which is more than I can say for Jonathan Dokuchitz and Liz Callaway, who sing for Dimitri and Anna, whose voices neither sound like the actors they’re doubling nor stand out on their own. A pity, as they are reasonably talented and well-known Broadway performers, and probably could have done more if they were playing those parts entirely. And speaking of Broadway, the “additional voices” section of the credits is frankly bonkers. Jeff Blumenkrantz, Gregg Edelman, Billy Porter, Lillias White, Michele Pawk… Look, I know those names don’t mean much to most of you, but the Broadway people are freaking out right now. Freaking J.K. Simmons is in the ensemble here, and sure, this was released only a few months after the premiere of Oz, which made him the star he is now, but still. These are Broadway leads and Tony winners, and having them just doing ensemble voices is the biggest waste of talent since Mark Hamill and Tim Curry did ensemble voices in the first scene of The Little Mermaid. Oh, and Andrea Martin plays like three old ladies in bit parts, which is less than she’s capable of, but at least she gets her own credit.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And since they hired such champion singers, how are the songs? Quite good, for the most part. Written by Lynn Ahrens and Stephen Flaherty, Broadway writers who, while not massive stars, have a few hits to their name (Ragtime, Once on this Island, Seussical). The songs are pretty standard for the era of the Disney Renaissance, with many of the prerequisite tropes hit on. There’s a villain song, a vague song about wanting something, and a big expository opening number. Those are all serviceable, (okay, the villain song is pretty terrible,) but my personal favorites are “Once Upon A December”, wherein Anya wanders through the abandoned Winter Palace half-remembering her old life, and the patter song “Learn To Do It”, where Anya gets trained in royal manners. The latter one is particularly good, as Kelsey Grammer is audibly having the time of his life singing it. Peters has some dumb song about being in France that is kind of a pointless plot spur, but at least serves to remind us it’s the 1920s after spending half the movie in rural areas of the Soviet Union. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl5EF6U5oZLnvhHjh31rhhq2yiBW5JLqwib3ui2FhTLBLwQIUcwnbGGn-YXMF80aOAW5I84yoxTlCzegtPlLUBBJrYXV0gzxNWA9MJiTJgW35JoFb9RpYeY1n6pZwJihS6pENAu99Xr9c/s1600/secret_of_nimh_xlg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl5EF6U5oZLnvhHjh31rhhq2yiBW5JLqwib3ui2FhTLBLwQIUcwnbGGn-YXMF80aOAW5I84yoxTlCzegtPlLUBBJrYXV0gzxNWA9MJiTJgW35JoFb9RpYeY1n6pZwJihS6pENAu99Xr9c/s1600/secret_of_nimh_xlg.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">See? It could be worse. We could be watching Moulin Rouge.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Final judgment? It’s good. Much better than I expected, at least, and probably better than its reputation would have you think. I’d actually rank this one higher than An American Tail. And now that I’ve said that, it’s time to hide in my Credibility Bunker. I hope it’s still stocked from the Space Jam riots.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* I know I said I wasn’t too bothered by the historical issues, but the opening song has the repeated lyric “Have you heard / There’s a rumor in St. Petersburg”, which not only doesn’t rhyme, but the place wasn’t even called St. Petersburg. It was renamed Petrograd by Anastasia’s family to remove the German words “sankt” and “burg”, and then re-renamed Leningrad after the revolution. And “grad” is probably easier to rhyme than “burg”.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* AND SPEAKING OF LENIN. I know I said I wasn’t going to harp on the historicity, but portraying Anastasia’s corrupt, decadent, incompetent family as some golden age of palaces and dances and the revolution as the result of an evil sorcerer’s rabblerousing is, historically speaking, kind of a crappy thing to do. Obviously, the Russian Revolution didn’t turn out that well for people, and by the time Stalin took control, it was a nightmare, but the lives of the common people - you know, the ones who actually rebelled - were pretty awful under the Romanovs. As someone once said, after the revolution, they may have had to wait in long lines for bread, but at least they HAD bread, so it’s a step up.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZRM7a0X8GwikDMND2vtNfjzZRlr5Yl6dSPvEbFVAyiFVX2qt-StFYnXw9K-HD3ep4bpJEWtFNQ4EPwVGPB0eT03vSOocQlQB8x5MyWA6oAwUTCsFpRVYutVuKvz_Wh4KcisPKCpabo60/s1600/4070_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZRM7a0X8GwikDMND2vtNfjzZRlr5Yl6dSPvEbFVAyiFVX2qt-StFYnXw9K-HD3ep4bpJEWtFNQ4EPwVGPB0eT03vSOocQlQB8x5MyWA6oAwUTCsFpRVYutVuKvz_Wh4KcisPKCpabo60/s1600/4070_1.jpg" height="238" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"And in order to afford it, we just had to stop feeding 27 million serfs for a month!" "Why do they hate us?" "Who cares?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*<a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1098889/Dynasty-decadence-Behind-Romanovs-glittering-facade-lay-epic-saga-depravity-unspeakable-cruelty.html"> For more information, dig this article, which quite fairly characterizes the 300 year Romanov dynasty as “</a></span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1098889/Dynasty-decadence-Behind-Romanovs-glittering-facade-lay-epic-saga-depravity-unspeakable-cruelty.html">a paranoid, hereditary autocracy which was tempered by assassination”</a></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* That said, the fact that the Soviet guards seen in the movie are just straight up dressed like they would in the 1980s is kind of hilarious.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* I feel like I may be courting some additional controversy by maligning the villain song, which some people regard very highly, but it’s not good. Rasputin’s part is okay, and Cummings sings it well, but he’s backed by a chorus of multicolored chubby little insects, whose part in the song is not only goofy, but they are never seen before or after. I mean, he had these weird demon servants, they couldn’t sing backup?</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgikxQyuDs30ePyvkbcJuAitLoM2wGPbYoKAC5pByn0zewruqNdBrz10pJgMGEKg-HlmJfdmqUtxvl1lSCkbJ_T5uIcYUx9w-Vuu3oVvda4_Lg__XIJssIiw7-SIlrWev6UoiB_WCPbmzM/s1600/tumblr_inline_mnke2hMZkC1qz4rgp.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgikxQyuDs30ePyvkbcJuAitLoM2wGPbYoKAC5pByn0zewruqNdBrz10pJgMGEKg-HlmJfdmqUtxvl1lSCkbJ_T5uIcYUx9w-Vuu3oVvda4_Lg__XIJssIiw7-SIlrWev6UoiB_WCPbmzM/s1600/tumblr_inline_mnke2hMZkC1qz4rgp.png" height="225" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Just think, Anastasia, all this used to be nine peasant farms!" "Why do they - you know what? Never mind."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Oh, speaking of Rasputin’s servants, you know who I didn’t mention at all? His little bat sidekick, Bartok. That’s because Bartok is completely extraneous to the plot. He adds nothing, does nothing, acts nervous about Rasputin’s plans, but doesn’t actually help our heroes or anything, just leaves and then gets a random girl bat at the end for no reason. He is literally rewarded with sex just for chickening out. And it’s a shame, too, because he’s kind of funny, and very winningly voiced by Hank Azaria, he just makes no sense in this context. Maybe if he were in his own movie with no connection to this one, and I’d like him more. AND AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Have some more bonkers fanart.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM9EUq7FgzCl-obA0RGDC6TOFp-lTmDGrEJI7_Ieb7CQN7AChJodVezT1LOcjPErSgCWf7ZOvgOS9PnGyOgVHKGvJAtsPuU_mR23Kzpta1DGne1JMVH5dmTPapJTmNmfR_FV4bGyZcGLc/s1600/dvd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM9EUq7FgzCl-obA0RGDC6TOFp-lTmDGrEJI7_Ieb7CQN7AChJodVezT1LOcjPErSgCWf7ZOvgOS9PnGyOgVHKGvJAtsPuU_mR23Kzpta1DGne1JMVH5dmTPapJTmNmfR_FV4bGyZcGLc/s1600/dvd.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyDTho6w4BmWm8ZiGzagWXPjBcdFvQfGUgPjjplRRlMGxWXSC52AfOZ7v6VyWUksOVTZiRTYLb0bNGo33Cdr8AmkL7Oux8AogjYqzabq_Fk5KOW5PZqIFt3y8RL-ssqFmejXuZF2Jc-6Q/s1600/pahcover2f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyDTho6w4BmWm8ZiGzagWXPjBcdFvQfGUgPjjplRRlMGxWXSC52AfOZ7v6VyWUksOVTZiRTYLb0bNGo33Cdr8AmkL7Oux8AogjYqzabq_Fk5KOW5PZqIFt3y8RL-ssqFmejXuZF2Jc-6Q/s1600/pahcover2f.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I don't know if they were made by the same person, but I like to think they were two people with a very intense feud over alternate universe Anastasia stories.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-31956827212171297182014-12-28T13:13:00.001-08:002014-12-28T13:13:17.484-08:00The Pebble and the Penguin (Sullivan Bluth, 1995)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Do you know what this is like?</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Do you know what I do for you people? </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Do you know what it’s like to go from A Troll in Central park to this?</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is the worst. I know I said that last time, but this movie is so bad that not only did Bluth and Goldman demand their names be removed from the final product, and left the company they’d founded in the dust. This is the tragic end to the saga of Sullivan Bluth Studios. From the lofty goals and high standards of their beginnings, to a mess of pandering and shoddy quality, abandoned by its leaders. This is the worst.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-460640fb-0b97-d2c8-0793-780d551a0996" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Let’s get this over with.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s The Pebble and the Penguin.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtZHIXMHUr7oRDMLdbxOrsdZS9ZrgrDvj94eXDsg7J4j-eKdL0sJROQQ455mKFRPmQucCCAUs1DN6yJ5pmNxjpjcEQhSZGL7Ok6tm_CoCqsiXUXQA_hyphenhyphenuyBK-FXxhvOJnj2eawJMdYnHs/s1600/407252_807542611286_700861786_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtZHIXMHUr7oRDMLdbxOrsdZS9ZrgrDvj94eXDsg7J4j-eKdL0sJROQQ455mKFRPmQucCCAUs1DN6yJ5pmNxjpjcEQhSZGL7Ok6tm_CoCqsiXUXQA_hyphenhyphenuyBK-FXxhvOJnj2eawJMdYnHs/s1600/407252_807542611286_700861786_n.jpg" height="400" width="277" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<a name='more'></a><br /><br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What I have to mention first is what I saw first: This movie is ugly. Well, that’s unfair. The very first thing I saw is an old-timey storybook with “The Pebble and the Penguin” written on it. I initially thought that was the dumbest thing ever, but it turned out to be even dumber: It’s the score. As the penguins sing the TERRIBLE and overly busy opening song, they are shown swimming and dancing and diving around the notes of the score. The terrible score, with its terrible songs. Barry Manilow again, this time with lyrics by the other Copacapana guy.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The penguin designs are hideous. The characters look…I don’t know, upsetting. Like I actually feel unnerved and upset by them. Penguins are squat little no-kneed, no-waisted, adorable birds, and this movie makes them tall, thin, and gives the women waists and hips and legs, and the men weird chests and shoulders. They just look hideous, start to finish. And while I’ve adjusted to Don Bluth animals wearing random articles of clothing, in this one, said articles tend to highlight their weird bodies (the women all wear belts around their creepy waists), and the arctic setting really highlights the insanity of it. I mean, at least the mice and cats lived around humans, so we can imagine where they got the materials. These penguins just live on the ice. And yet somehow they wear capes.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimPSDpPWZwrZABafD3JHcrxYRAHSKxxH_dFnv3UdfnR_2jfMD36btftVzC9KnJ0FE6A2eNjtFe0vMivBvqWOKY8-o_YuBSSLIWIfbhPiAEzljSwigrMQCGhcelg82ThHmkEuMt-TsHEkU/s1600/big+hero+6+walt+disney+2014+still+screencaps+personajes+characters+fredzilla+baymax+hiro+hamada+honey+lemon+gogo+tomago+wasabi+no+ginger.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimPSDpPWZwrZABafD3JHcrxYRAHSKxxH_dFnv3UdfnR_2jfMD36btftVzC9KnJ0FE6A2eNjtFe0vMivBvqWOKY8-o_YuBSSLIWIfbhPiAEzljSwigrMQCGhcelg82ThHmkEuMt-TsHEkU/s1600/big+hero+6+walt+disney+2014+still+screencaps+personajes+characters+fredzilla+baymax+hiro+hamada+honey+lemon+gogo+tomago+wasabi+no+ginger.png" height="221" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"We sing, because if we do not, we will start screaming, and never stop."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Special attention goes to the aforementioned cape-wearer, our villain, Drake. First of all, “drake” means “male duck”. It’s a terrible name for a penguin. Second, not only does he have an inexplicable cape, he has an even more inexplicable skull-shaped mountain lair. He’s just Evil. For NO REASON. He wants to marry… I don’t know, Girl Penguin, whatever her name is. Why? No reason. I guess because she’s pretty? I mean, a swaggering bully who wants to marry the female lead because she’s hot is Gaston’s whole deal, but Gaston was in a good movie. And he didn’t live in Snake Mountain. And he wasn’t voiced by Tim Curry doing a frankly embarrassing American accent.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSmjopDo4Q8isRTtuiGezMobNPSC33mmHeHwUmAk9tEgwB8u0gqOHZqZsPAltktqjckzT466z5wecIhBvgdsDETfULO38vjDczR1_Awfh9aRljvbgpDawQgH7Vt7lQvmQANFQoR9nHh8U/s1600/Drake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSmjopDo4Q8isRTtuiGezMobNPSC33mmHeHwUmAk9tEgwB8u0gqOHZqZsPAltktqjckzT466z5wecIhBvgdsDETfULO38vjDczR1_Awfh9aRljvbgpDawQgH7Vt7lQvmQANFQoR9nHh8U/s1600/Drake.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Also inexplicable teeth, inexplicable chin, and inexplicable massive pectoral muscles.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Actually, there’s a good thing I can say, the voices are fine. Martin Short is the main penguin, Hubie, and while it couldn’t be more obvious that he only got hired because Dom was busy, he’s all right. The writing on the character is atrocious, though. He’s got a stutter that never really becomes relevant, and the general tone of his dialogue is that of someone who ain’t been quite right ever since Aunt Bessie’s mule gave him a kick in the head. His friend, Rocko, is James Belushi, who really should stick to animation, where his “like John Belushi, but boring and terrible” schtick is replaced with some pretty appropriate hamming. His love interest, Girl Penguin, is played by Annie Golden, who is wonderful, and also the only person in the movie who can really sing. Short and Belushi can carry a tune, Curry would be good if not hindered by his horrendous accent, but Golden can SING.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Not that it really matters, because the songs are atrocious. Easily among the worst songs I’ve ever heard in a musical. If I ever meet Copacabana Guy the Lesser, I’m gonna kick him in the balls for making me listen to Martin Short sing the lyric “Sometimes I wonder what the colors mean”. Seriously. That's the first lyric of the song. That’s the opener. And it gets worse. The songs are garbage. The plot is garbage. It’s based on the mating habits of Adelie Penguins, who give pebbles to each other at the start of mating season, Hubie is all nervous about finding the right stone to give to Girl Penguin. Fortunately, a meteor falls to earth, leaving a perfectly cut and polished emerald because why not. So armed, Hubie tries to get to his lady love and a number of tedious things happen.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Deserving of special highlight is Rocko’s desire to fly. Rocko meets Hubie on a ship where they have been captured for fague reasons (Zoo? Penguin meat enthusiasts?), and after a particularly bad musical number, they escape. After they do, Rocko reveals that he’s always dreamed of being able to fly. At the end of the movie… He can. No explanation, no reason, just suddenly flying around. If they did explain it, I missed it. I think it’s just that penguins can fly, but no one noticed.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiZhyphenhyphenl-EjbJckEjdD5X4KE1v4M_-IKbKAKk66U8YFRAA1zZw_T8mgWiNmeKrvZ2SRUqFM__RkGT-jbO4npi9PMXKpFwOS-Yw1QEDqK7gpM-5uWfPDUpPo4AC7wtFt8fFTg6E0vTtLboKE/s1600/MV5BODY2MDgxMzQ1Nl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMjEwMDU2NA@@._V1_SX640_SY720_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiZhyphenhyphenl-EjbJckEjdD5X4KE1v4M_-IKbKAKk66U8YFRAA1zZw_T8mgWiNmeKrvZ2SRUqFM__RkGT-jbO4npi9PMXKpFwOS-Yw1QEDqK7gpM-5uWfPDUpPo4AC7wtFt8fFTg6E0vTtLboKE/s1600/MV5BODY2MDgxMzQ1Nl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMjEwMDU2NA@@._V1_SX640_SY720_.jpg" height="290" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A curious lack of Bluth Sparkles in this movie, but lots of bubbles to make up for it.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For what it’s worth, Bluth tried to keep his enthusiasm up about this movie. You can find interviews with him during production where he speaks highly of it, and it seems to be genuine enthusiasm, not just keeping up a brave face. But by the time it was over, the writing was on the wall. The visuals weren’t there, the story had severe problems, and the studio had no money and no confidence in their directors. So when Fox came along and said “We want to start an animation studio, and we have a lot of money to pay you to run it,” I don’t blame them for jumping ship. If there’s one lesson Sullivan Bluth taught them, it’s that capital is important. Sure, being tied to a studio was what they were trying to get away from, but the money and support of a studio structure could be a benefit in ways that they could now appreciate.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Of course, Fox Animation Studios lasted for two features and one direct-to-video movie before closing up shop, soooo... Look forward to that!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBXox-1g72_K4qO8kKnyRybshRI487NvvNsxuUW7LXpVitXdhkXAhiEgChzfMMM24LoO3yeIRW5Ir5hVgiS85t3td0viZnqM9AOvOLVk3MOY0MUOcGlGBWA4PgVuftEQ7LwePczjZW378/s1600/big_hero_6_baymax_hiro_h_2014.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBXox-1g72_K4qO8kKnyRybshRI487NvvNsxuUW7LXpVitXdhkXAhiEgChzfMMM24LoO3yeIRW5Ir5hVgiS85t3td0viZnqM9AOvOLVk3MOY0MUOcGlGBWA4PgVuftEQ7LwePczjZW378/s1600/big_hero_6_baymax_hiro_h_2014.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">REALLY, MGM? 90 years to brag about, and this makes the top of the DVD box?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS</b></span></div>
<br />
<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I identified Drake’s home as Snake Mountain because he’s a villain, but it does look more like Castle Grayskull.</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOmuoZCzvvkedqoqMBpFtgG0V3kNvvZwK6FxW7BMTNFBjNxa5E-Hsf8jYCTZ9WlfNYgc7pdYkr_sG1TMrIHC1OsuCZCLU6_LLHLnImxeSozz4xV78fWtGYucAy2rFKfFvpywzXBdc7LgE/s1600/27068_03.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOmuoZCzvvkedqoqMBpFtgG0V3kNvvZwK6FxW7BMTNFBjNxa5E-Hsf8jYCTZ9WlfNYgc7pdYkr_sG1TMrIHC1OsuCZCLU6_LLHLnImxeSozz4xV78fWtGYucAy2rFKfFvpywzXBdc7LgE/s1600/27068_03.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Which is better than Hubie's home, Dick Island.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In addition to his other villainous attributes, Drake has dark feathers all over his face while the good penguins have white facial highlights, a fact that did not escape Roger Ebert’s notice.</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><br />
<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Drake dies in this one twice. First, Hubie kicks him off a mountain. Not accidentally, either. Specifically with intent to kill him. Then he comes back, and a rock falls on him. They don’t cut away, either. It’s all right there. It’s a super-dark ending for such a fluffy nothing of a movie.</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><br />
<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Adelie penguins do give pebbles to each other as part of a courtship thing. They also engage in more rape and necrophilia than any other bird species on Earth. The latter is not shown in the movie, but based on some of Drake’s dialogue and body language, I won’t rule out the former.</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJzWU4kSPMq5AGAOaK9B6R2nDGtzn8WgCwGnKVXea7cz9SagiBF-pFpDfRdrjKbjEj3XkI2gUpgxOyKHcscN2yyI3QoV7KAcuyF7l4UXAtWAE6Al_59fvj_irvpQtgQvk227OXNnIZ41E/s1600/the_pebble_and_the_lion_poster_by_bennythebeast-d3hua5j.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJzWU4kSPMq5AGAOaK9B6R2nDGtzn8WgCwGnKVXea7cz9SagiBF-pFpDfRdrjKbjEj3XkI2gUpgxOyKHcscN2yyI3QoV7KAcuyF7l4UXAtWAE6Al_59fvj_irvpQtgQvk227OXNnIZ41E/s1600/the_pebble_and_the_lion_poster_by_bennythebeast-d3hua5j.png" height="400" width="282" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The more obscure the movie, the more likely I am to find bizarre fanart, I'm learning.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></div>
The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-29995464515037049632014-11-24T18:24:00.001-08:002014-11-24T18:24:18.805-08:002014 - Big Hero 6<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well, it’s that time again, when Disney sends a new feature careening into theaters and I, your humble blogsmith, go see it to tell you what I think. This year’s entry, number 44 overall, is Big Hero 6, an alleged adaptation of the obscure Marvel comic of the same name. Announced pretty much as soon as the Marvel merger was, the instant word, even among comics fans, was “Huh?” Personally, I thought it referred to six big heroes, like DC’s “big three”. After a while being stumped (because let’s be honest, Marvel doesn’t have an iconic “big six”. Even if you throw in Spider-Man, who they can’t use, they’ve got four, and everyone else is on teams), I learned that it was a three-issue miniseries from 1998 that had had a recent six issue revival with some different characters. A real Guardians of the Galaxy type. Apart from those nine issues, they had only a handful of background appearances in big crossovers and such.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-f224a279-e4bd-ce58-b673-4c6c291bcb16" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Extensive changes were made. Original team members Sunfire and Silver Samurai were out. As X-Men characters, they’re owned by Disney, not Fox. Replacing them were variations on the replacement characters Wasabi No Ginger and Fredzilla. (Their original replacements in the comic were Sunpyre and Ebon Samurai. Really? Were you even trying with that?) But the problem with Big Hero 6 in the comics was that frankly, they could be a little racist. So Wasabi No Ginger, a sushi chef who fights with his knives, became Wasabi, a laser engineer who fights with sweet laser knives. Fredzilla, who mentally projected a big Kaiju, became Fred, a mascot in a powered suit. The other characters were also streamlined Honey Lemon’s vaguely defined super-purse became a chemical lab, Gogo’s propulsion-based powers became a motorcycle suit, and Baymax…</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUOIASLKT2pAieVm8jxL7BLhd6UZvSPdhXpi224lG509hLC9ABfCSdpIU8IZ1TSh9QE1DAkETAS77zhVzd-un7YEU1QRtp9AoBWy3tYgSdvmGF7QYKhBOqhO7ypI7s5_aPN7JzOEoQVPg/s1600/big+hero+6+walt+disney+2014+still+screencaps+personajes+characters+fredzilla+baymax+hiro+hamada+honey+lemon+gogo+tomago+wasabi+no+ginger.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUOIASLKT2pAieVm8jxL7BLhd6UZvSPdhXpi224lG509hLC9ABfCSdpIU8IZ1TSh9QE1DAkETAS77zhVzd-un7YEU1QRtp9AoBWy3tYgSdvmGF7QYKhBOqhO7ypI7s5_aPN7JzOEoQVPg/s1600/big+hero+6+walt+disney+2014+still+screencaps+personajes+characters+fredzilla+baymax+hiro+hamada+honey+lemon+gogo+tomago+wasabi+no+ginger.png" height="225" width="400" /></a></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well, I'll get to that. But enough about the comic. Let me talk about the movie. Specifically Baymax. Baymax is a medical robot intended as a sort of nurse. Developed by the older brother of teen genius Hiro Hamada, Baymax is large, round, and huggable, with an inflated balloon body covering his mechanical core. He is programmed to attend to his patient until they are healed, and after Hiro’s brother is killed, Baymax emerges to diagnose him with a stubbed toe, puberty, and depression. Seeking to help him heal his mind, Baymax encourages finding closure and connecting socially with family and loved ones. Hiro does this by forming his brother’s friends into a superhero team and going after the guy who killed him. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Baymax is a wonder of design, animation, writing, and performance. The timing of his every move, his little fussy walk, his constantly looking down and checking his surroundings, it’s all gold. He loses something in personality when Hiro rebuilds him into a fighting robot, but that’s mostly intentional, I think, based on a rather terrifying scene where Baymax beats up the entire team when Hiro removes his ethical programming so he’ll kill the villain. The animators masterfully worked his expression when he had the programming restored. Confusion, shock, and shame cannot be easy to render on what is essentially a circle with a line segment on it. His dialogue is typical “overly literate robot doesn’t understand people”, but written so well I didn’t at all mind the cliche. And though I was at first surprised at Scott Adsit (Moral Orel, Frankenhole, 30 Rock) being cast as the voice; I thought of him as a more darkly cynical sort of performer. But now that I’ve heard him, I can’t think of anything else.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the comics, Baymax is a half-clone, half-robot dragon with the brain of Hiro’s dead dad.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyh8Vqn2-MUTLC0XIhfi9UV0em9o0oQiXbcL7xdIER_C8F_5t_m6G59VErHy0R6EE1yYIMKMJIsxPE5a8GG5P360OirLoYtTIkFPl6g4m5k4DIDS4qIPklw8JCN0lwEkbxHYHyWov2fy0/s1600/Troll6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyh8Vqn2-MUTLC0XIhfi9UV0em9o0oQiXbcL7xdIER_C8F_5t_m6G59VErHy0R6EE1yYIMKMJIsxPE5a8GG5P360OirLoYtTIkFPl6g4m5k4DIDS4qIPklw8JCN0lwEkbxHYHyWov2fy0/s1600/Troll6.jpg" height="223" width="400" /></a></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And that’s why I barely consider this an adaptation. More of an… implication? Three of the six characters are so changed as to be unrecognizable apart from their names, the other three skirt that same line. Nobody looks anything like they did in the comic, the entire supporting cast, plot, and backstories are entirely original. And that’s a good thing. Big Hero 6 in the comics was a goofy mishmash of Japanese stereotypes. When they announced that the setting was being changed from Tokyo to “San Fransokyo”, and that the cast would be diversified, many took that to be a sign that whitewashing was on the way. But in the end, the team stayed properly diverse, with the only white male being the goofy comic relief. (Baymax is technically white in color, but is not coded as particularly white. He also seems technically genderless, but is coded male via his voice and other characters’ reaction to him.)</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So that’s a lot about the development, because it interests me personally and because I want to avoid spoilers, but how is the movie? Really good, I’m pleased to say. The directors had previously done Winnie-the-Pooh and Bolt respectively, so their sense of character, action, and humor is on point. The action is particularly excellent, with the various characters’ powers being completely distinctive and complementary. There’s a bit toward the end where the villain has each of them cornered and they have to use their power in an unexpected way to counter him, and I like that creativity in a kids’ movie. The villain, who controls a swarm of inch-long robots with his mind, creates some amazingly impressive visuals. This represents a huge leap forward in animation, and I highly recommend the 3D.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW3sxBkvnpOyVHNYJWYJogdpmh4C1pZog-Y4zSBZbiqqFRH9RZq19zkQud-bKq_9WHvpvZY4Bc19j-lwqlv0B__sFin2Dy1uS8VLqrp604bCJNUmnqz088iRyw98_ZepGhzPG8-Mj5rqk/s1600/tumblr_static_tumblr_static_6ceyg6vvhv4sgoc8wgw0o8wos_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW3sxBkvnpOyVHNYJWYJogdpmh4C1pZog-Y4zSBZbiqqFRH9RZq19zkQud-bKq_9WHvpvZY4Bc19j-lwqlv0B__sFin2Dy1uS8VLqrp604bCJNUmnqz088iRyw98_ZepGhzPG8-Mj5rqk/s1600/tumblr_static_tumblr_static_6ceyg6vvhv4sgoc8wgw0o8wos_1280.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The voice cast is also phenomenal. Japanese-American teen heartthrob Ryan Potter brings great youthful energy to Hiro, and Adsit as Baymax is perfect, as I said. For the rest of the team, Damon Wayans Jr. plays panic and fussiness excellently as Wasabi, as if Brad from Happy Endings became a superhero; Genesis Rodriguez bubbles as the cheerful Honey Lemon; Gogo is played by Jamie Chung, TV’s Mulan, who plays the “girl power” vibe as cartoonish but not insulting, no mean feat; and T.J. Miller as Fred adds another notch on the very small list of “time I am watching a movie with T.J. Miller in it and I don’t want to murder him.”</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The supporting cast plays to their strengths. Maya Rudolph plays a frazzled oddball, James Cromwell a grizzled father figure, and Disney’s go-to shady rich guy Alan Tudyk plays a shady rich guy. And while it may not be a Marvel Studios movie, it is based on a Marvel comic, so Stan Lee gets a cameo. The kids I saw it with went nuts at this, which makes me happy.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And really, that’s what it’s all about. I made sure to see it at a time when kids would be around, and they were attentive, excited, and interested. It wasn’t a perfect movie. The villain is shallow and there’s no payoff to certain threads. But it worked, and it was fun, and it engaged the kids, and that’s what a superhero movie should be. Take notes, DC. Your Justice League movies are going to be garbage. Try to have some fun.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh79Hh_dTZMR9LAaRAP0tSi7ckCxXrnzMeQ9kQju4it2w52ixSV6G2maW9n6b6I3Em10G80e-grc_nPWHvImJf9UnPscLwsXafGGXCepjwKIMYUjNOyVsvafHZWXcblr1oLNn-R6eeJs4c/s1600/big-hero-6-power-rangers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh79Hh_dTZMR9LAaRAP0tSi7ckCxXrnzMeQ9kQju4it2w52ixSV6G2maW9n6b6I3Em10G80e-grc_nPWHvImJf9UnPscLwsXafGGXCepjwKIMYUjNOyVsvafHZWXcblr1oLNn-R6eeJs4c/s1600/big-hero-6-power-rangers.jpg" height="208" width="400" /></a></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* This is pretty long for a mini-review, but I really do want to avoid spoilers. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* I also liked T.J. Miller in How to Train Your Dragon and Cloverfield, so it’s entirely possible I just hate his face.</span></div>
<br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* I saw this at the dine-in theater, and ordered the chicken fingers, because they’re low-effort and I had a temporary crown in. I was pleasantly surprised. Nice and crispy, good variety of sauces, and the fries were plentiful. Server was kinda creepy, though. I also got a waffle sundae, because hey, it’s a party. That was freaking delicious. Not to be one of those internet bacon people, but candied bacon is the best ice cream topping.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwCSJTaxaSEfet5KLwxqbZ8-PqqdqqVnhtG24Q4LZzjZTkV_QwqVAfi2vRXgA_OYgzVrJGnNX105FjjRBlycXFOw443grhbncrEGw7m51XU9qRdmxbbBzpy4ZAw70-XhgPPq6g85tMyv4/s1600/Chicken_chix_tenders.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwCSJTaxaSEfet5KLwxqbZ8-PqqdqqVnhtG24Q4LZzjZTkV_QwqVAfi2vRXgA_OYgzVrJGnNX105FjjRBlycXFOw443grhbncrEGw7m51XU9qRdmxbbBzpy4ZAw70-XhgPPq6g85tMyv4/s1600/Chicken_chix_tenders.jpg" height="303" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-19489269819188194412014-11-13T16:49:00.001-08:002014-11-13T16:49:41.265-08:00A Troll in Central Park (Sullivan Bluth, 1994)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The story is told, that when starting production on this movie, Bluth told his animators that if they couldn’t bring their absolute best, they can just leave. Some of them did. They were the lucky ones.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-510a736c-abae-fcad-efff-b077d7210180" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">plants.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">rocks.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">all joy is gone from my life.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">it’s</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b> a troll in central park</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8iFoM6hbaDovrcnz-BUlpXuBc37ifGoV5HStdRmgNYc6kJIalcCzfWni6xyVXSzwfHvV3vN6x_H2f7gfrCTHCMray_27bJ4TaTHWgIpn30M-NLw9Kpqd8spjxShi9UbbzOKUAeLO_9pM/s1600/83793-1323955031-843587.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8iFoM6hbaDovrcnz-BUlpXuBc37ifGoV5HStdRmgNYc6kJIalcCzfWni6xyVXSzwfHvV3vN6x_H2f7gfrCTHCMray_27bJ4TaTHWgIpn30M-NLw9Kpqd8spjxShi9UbbzOKUAeLO_9pM/s400/83793-1323955031-843587.jpg" width="281" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="more"></a><br />
<br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">OH MY THNIKKAMAN, THIS MOVIE IS AWFUL. I just… I don’t… HOW COULD BLUTH DO THIS?</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I mean, I knew that his budgets were slashed when he lost funding from Goldcrest. I knew that the tendency to make films for a younger audience came from both his personal tastes and the new financiers. I knew that he had none of the time, the money, the staff to do the kind of things he wanted. But… I still thought he was better than this.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The story (such as it is) involves a troll named Stanley, who lives in the troll world, one of those tedious “good is bad” places endemic to 1980s children’s television. You know the kind. People say “bad morning” and “have a rotten day” and stuff like that, they eat garbage, the usual. Stanley, though, is different. He loves flowers, which he grows with this magic thumb, and he’s nice all the time, and you can tell he’s a good guy because he looks more human than the other trolls. He’s found out to be a dirty flower-lover, and punished by being sent to New York City, which the king of the trolls calls “a place where nothing grows”. Stanley lands in… Well, you read the title. It’s a huge park right in the middle of town. It’s a full six percent of Manhattan’s land area. You’d think the king would have noticed. Well, he never actually describes the city to the queen. It’s possible he doesn’t know what it is.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOwq_IufDVs3nywdWWt5hucN88Uap6DzpX4tcFE5L5kdmtByjaYaue_dkH3Bkhs-7dcS8hr7DJKwGe0E9iTtqlB9c0VQt5OT0-K140CY2RNwnTR1rI70NkEMOkrbETdYonflYDPj4yr9k/s1600/maxresdefault.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOwq_IufDVs3nywdWWt5hucN88Uap6DzpX4tcFE5L5kdmtByjaYaue_dkH3Bkhs-7dcS8hr7DJKwGe0E9iTtqlB9c0VQt5OT0-K140CY2RNwnTR1rI70NkEMOkrbETdYonflYDPj4yr9k/s400/maxresdefault.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">But it does apparently have underground caverns.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">By this point, I had already worked out that the movie was going to be terrible and stupid, but I thought it would be the regular sort. But then the story takes a HUGE shift and becomes something magically, insanely, horrifyingly awful. See, you’d think, from that opening, that this is a story about the value of individuality and being yourself, right? NOPE. In Central Park, he meets two kids. I’m sure they had names, but I don’t remember them, so let’s just call them Boy Child and Girl Child. Their parents (who are, absurdly, played by Jonathan Pryce and Hayley Mills) are very busy lately, and can’t take them to the park, so the kids go on their own and hook up with Stanley. He shows them his magic thumb (stranger danger!) and grows a “dream boat”, because why not. They get aboard his boat and sail through his dream, and that’s when things get CRAZY.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">See, when we’re on that boat, we see Stanley’s dream. He is dreaming of his perfect world, where all the other trolls are friendly, and they all love flowers, and they all share his beige skin and tufted tail... Look, Bluth, when your protagonist literally says “The world would be a better place if everyone thought like me and also looked like me”, you’re coming dangerously close to making a kids’ movie about Hitler. Yeah, I’m Godwinning a kiddie flick. I don’t care. This movie has some of the most messed up morals I’ve seen since Jiminy Cricket graced my screen.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9MOF8EHY_nyoCpNwAmlvA-ayZ1SnOMbiO8khUlMkups1xwcVTMeyp_WLWI7W0zg0uoR6A4NicV6FjxFrUccGVH5g__GeL-TB2e69YwTQo2wyCi957aKFX9pcynt9XkajWgUDcRzz9b-M/s1600/Troll56.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9MOF8EHY_nyoCpNwAmlvA-ayZ1SnOMbiO8khUlMkups1xwcVTMeyp_WLWI7W0zg0uoR6A4NicV6FjxFrUccGVH5g__GeL-TB2e69YwTQo2wyCi957aKFX9pcynt9XkajWgUDcRzz9b-M/s400/Troll56.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My kingdom for an iceberg.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And it’s not just in this one dream number. I could overlook that. But after his dream boat sails, he lets Boy Child take the wheel, and Boy Child has a fairly mild dream about racing a speedboat around. Stanley is distraught because this is the wrong sort of dream, and they almost get attacked by pirates. It’s Stanley’s magic, the pirates don’t show up because the kid is making them, they show up because his dream upsets Stanley. Basically, Stanley doesn’t like his dream, and tries to kill him. Later, while the kid is asleep, Stanley tells him that he “needs to get some better thoughts”. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There’s ostensibly some moral in here about the kid learning… Well, I’m not sure what. At the beginning, he’s shouting at his parents “WHY CAN’T WE EVER DO WHAT I WANT TO DO!?” and at the end, he’s quietly asking his parents “Today, can we do what I want to do?” I think we’re supposed to get that he’s learned to be respectful, but since his parents were ignoring him at the beginning, and offering to take him somewhere at the end, it looks like they learned a lesson while we weren’t looking. Possibly while they were in England? I’m not really sure what they were doing the whole time. I think the dad’s a lawyer and the mom’s a realtor, but my brain is pretty damaged by now. Whatever it is, they were Busy Parents, and left the kids with the housekeeper.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidlW-q3n-_kjmj-_L_MfFtsa_PbuCOsWkIOr3Q0XE787PCJd2wGVwQlAH-ft0PL3-mn64BZFA0hpsHjOdWUQSXzXxwtXTpyTnjXRsNdAkmAJJeoUtoe0NqJ4qQbHMACAgLR8vR2RyQ73o/s1600/GBadG.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidlW-q3n-_kjmj-_L_MfFtsa_PbuCOsWkIOr3Q0XE787PCJd2wGVwQlAH-ft0PL3-mn64BZFA0hpsHjOdWUQSXzXxwtXTpyTnjXRsNdAkmAJJeoUtoe0NqJ4qQbHMACAgLR8vR2RyQ73o/s400/GBadG.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shortly thereafter, they learned the difference between a housekeeper and a babysitter.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">At the end of the movie, the king and queen of trolls utterly destroy Central Park, and Boy Child gets turned into a troll for some reason. I honestly don’t know why. And I was watching. I was, by this point, projecting it on my wall in order to stave off boredom, so the movie was five feet wide. I couldn’t have looked away for more than half a second, and I still don’t know why he became a troll. Maybe because he was mean to Stanley? When Stanley was too scared to help rescue Girl Child, Boy Child yelled at him and called him a coward, but A) He is, and B) The boy never apologizes or seems to have learned his lesson. He just turns into a troll, and gets a magic thumb that can turn things to stone. The queen has the same power, and also can control other thumbs apparently? So as she’s dying because Stanley turned her into a rosebush (seriously), she makes Boy Child stone Stanley. Then she dies, and Boy Child turns back because her spells were undone with her death, only Stanley is still stone, and at this point, I start using the movie as Nerf target practice.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"></b><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz5SM_HueQ7lKBdQkZsgttrA6frkWK_4KlD7YpZIls7pVdnu50CInW4rpC2BHP5L2p0bmEHKzITUTAhwuXXw_kr-YNCMPfGjIsGXRRTzW1z1YnUh7B6BESXlNRddyHXSMYitQLdPYiRoE/s640/blogger-image--1860128010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="299" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz5SM_HueQ7lKBdQkZsgttrA6frkWK_4KlD7YpZIls7pVdnu50CInW4rpC2BHP5L2p0bmEHKzITUTAhwuXXw_kr-YNCMPfGjIsGXRRTzW1z1YnUh7B6BESXlNRddyHXSMYitQLdPYiRoE/s400/blogger-image--1860128010.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bullseye!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"></b></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So then Boy and Girl Child take Stanley to Central Park, where the boy uses his magic thumb that I guess he still has to turn Stanley back, whereupon Stanley conquers the Earth. No, I’m not kidding. He’s seen laughing in a tree and the next thing we know, there’s a montage of New York City being entirely overgrown with vegetation. I mean all of it. Stanley has had enough of man’s rules, and covers the city, and presumably the world, with what Stanley wants. Wasn’t vines choking skyscrapers part of Tyler Durden’s fantasy world? Is Stanley about to start Project Mayhem?</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And that’s not even touching on the filler that comprises most of the film. I know it sounds like a lot happened, but that’s maybe 20 minutes worth of story. An astonishingly long portion of story is made up of.</span></div>
<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Chase scenes</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Stanley bringing flowers to life and then they dance around.</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Boat rides.</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Charles Nelson Reilly’s unfunny hamming.</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Speaking of which, I suppose I should talk about the actors.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtEhvnvLrUDSfWWsjTx5BfFP4vsVWI6iwCB3JoPQmW2pb_ekHE2JTbU-3JCvkFZi5q2h-K8FUUpmMWnVg-XG_BEEwVG3lqdiKiKLWzL7vUXl285BV4XgCIQ8lNw19mTx17ecM2b1fqw-o/s1600/Troll6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtEhvnvLrUDSfWWsjTx5BfFP4vsVWI6iwCB3JoPQmW2pb_ekHE2JTbU-3JCvkFZi5q2h-K8FUUpmMWnVg-XG_BEEwVG3lqdiKiKLWzL7vUXl285BV4XgCIQ8lNw19mTx17ecM2b1fqw-o/s400/Troll6.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cram it, Feivel.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Not much to say, though. Thankfully, Bluth is still good at casting. Reilly may not be all that funny, but he can commit to a bit, and Cloris Leachman as the queen is typically solid. Dom DeLuise (his last role with Bluth) is Stanley, and any moments that I even slightly didn’t want to murder the little freak are entirely down to his acting skill. And the Gender Children’s parents, as I mentioned, are played by Jonathan Pryce and Hayley Mills, rather bafflingly high status actors for characters with like ten lines and two minutes of screen time. Pryce sounds like he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to do an American accent, so he hedged his bets and did half a one. Mills sounds like she knew she was supposed to do an American accent, but only remembers for one out of every six words.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The animation is... Well, it’s actually fine. It’s cheap, and not even close to what Bluth is capable of, but it looks better than this movie deserves. At least Bluth gets his little animation fetishes in early. Sparkles are literally the first thing we see. And I’m beginning to think his love of characters whose skirts fly up to reveal poofy bloomers are a subset of a general fondness for ill-fitting clothes. Boy Child has a shirt that flares out weirdly, and doesn’t quite reach the top of his pants, which are visibly too tight.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The songs are surprisingly inoffensive. Not good, not by any stretch of the imagination. But not as hideously awful as the rest of his. “Absolutely Green”, Stanley’s big dream number, is thankfully free of murder imagery, and DeLuise’s voice carries it nicely.But other than that one, they’re entirely forgettable. The villain sings “I’m the queen of mean”, stuff like that. It’s bad, but tolerably so.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBrat-mvDIW8FKo_GjEBP_oWo_quk3KzViVRqzdG3xebtuJi9cqbg-K0eVHpmOjt3mmYPanc-MOvm0XPKSAiCcmrMcJMZj0xHcI7l-mBZOVRdwXjwH-mcDT5fmvuCmj97A5rFCGcv8ndw/s1600/tumblr_lxt7yr6XPa1qfcc2a.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBrat-mvDIW8FKo_GjEBP_oWo_quk3KzViVRqzdG3xebtuJi9cqbg-K0eVHpmOjt3mmYPanc-MOvm0XPKSAiCcmrMcJMZj0xHcI7l-mBZOVRdwXjwH-mcDT5fmvuCmj97A5rFCGcv8ndw/s400/tumblr_lxt7yr6XPa1qfcc2a.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dammit, Stanley, that cab is someone's freaking job.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This movie hurt me. It’s worse than Home on the Range. It’s worse than Chicken Little. It’s worse than the live-action bits of Osmosis Jones. It’s worse than Rock-a-Doodle. DO NOT ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO SEE THIS MOVIE. Bury it deep underground where it cannot harm anyone. Send it to a place of rock and metal where nothing grows. And tell your damn wife where that is, so she doesn’t send him to Central freaking Park instead. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There’s a truly atrocious scene near the beginning where Stanley almost gets caught with a flower by another troll. It’s too tedious to get into, but at the end, the other troll walks away, singing, “I’m a baaad troll! A very baaaad troll!” It’s so dumb, and yet probably the best song in the movie</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">On the way into NYC, Stanley flies over the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, the World Trade Center, and the Tavern on the Green. Just in case you forgot where Central Park is.</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3el_V4brP0K59FN_CjOOlY0cBcjdbe7KU70CQ2FO2j6qdKFupsQwfjuyg4tPqlKWiNfaM_qR8prm5QefyQGD9sHjn4_jXKnXB07pE7G58OJwe5c2XV8D0Tt2-xcPbGVZ9JwwijJkZ1TE/s1600/16138sb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3el_V4brP0K59FN_CjOOlY0cBcjdbe7KU70CQ2FO2j6qdKFupsQwfjuyg4tPqlKWiNfaM_qR8prm5QefyQGD9sHjn4_jXKnXB07pE7G58OJwe5c2XV8D0Tt2-xcPbGVZ9JwwijJkZ1TE/s400/16138sb.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That face is just begging for a frying pan.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Boy Child has oddly colored hair that makes him appear to be wearing a yarmulke at all times. </span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> At one point, Stanley plants an acorn, and it grows into a vine. EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT ACORNS GROW, MOVIE. IT ISN’T VINES.</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am informed by my younger brother that the lyricist for Thumbelina did the lyrics for Newsies, which makes him the only person to win a Razzie and a Tony for the same score. Though to be fair, his Razzie winner was taken out of the show for Broadway. He also worked with Manilow before, writing not only “Copacabana”, but also Bette Midler’s song from Oliver and Company. And I’m sorry for not informing you earlier that Barry Manilow was one of the eight hundred songwriters for Oliver and Company.</span><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span><ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I rarely feature fanart here, of course, but sometimes it's too good to pass up. Here is the Beast from a direct to video ripoff of the Disney film designed to trick grandmas at the supermarket. The artist was sad that people on the internet made fun of the ripoff beast, so here he is getting comforted by Stanley, Fluttershy from My Little Pony, Rex from We're Back! (watch this space for more info, true believer), and Zazu from The Lion King, who has brought a note from the Disney Beast apologizing for his fans' bad behavior.</li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQNoUSHyDNSGfdBsJIKKASy9TVLd0zCTMh7_jeXsRV3XcEKaMom4LdTG5bBgfq__lvQ5bN8aOfbgQXudFg9EHpg8JPpXHjbgTS3_CyAjf76wCEpGttb94Hu1OnEymul9tp_nUzZQg9zAg/s1600/67927__safe_fluttershy_oc_crossover_wat_the+lion+king_beauty+and+the+beast_artist-colon-kylgrv_worse+than+cartuneslover16_a+troll+in+central+park.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="504" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQNoUSHyDNSGfdBsJIKKASy9TVLd0zCTMh7_jeXsRV3XcEKaMom4LdTG5bBgfq__lvQ5bN8aOfbgQXudFg9EHpg8JPpXHjbgTS3_CyAjf76wCEpGttb94Hu1OnEymul9tp_nUzZQg9zAg/s640/67927__safe_fluttershy_oc_crossover_wat_the+lion+king_beauty+and+the+beast_artist-colon-kylgrv_worse+than+cartuneslover16_a+troll+in+central+park.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It is glorious.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGs_LeLr7wI">Here's that movie, by the way</a>. Not to get too off topic. But seriously, watch the first 45 seconds and see if you can work out what the hell they were thinking and why anyone would defend this movie from mockery.</li>
</ul>
The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-708004270387290562014-11-01T16:31:00.001-07:002014-11-01T16:31:09.563-07:00Thumbelina (Sullivan Bluth, 1994)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In my anger-driven haste to force my dislike of Rock-a-Doodle out of my brain, through my fingers, and onto the internet, I neglected to mention a key element. The financial fortunes of All Dogs go to Heaven. It FLOPPED. HARD. Well, that’s unfair. Coming off of two massive successes, though, it was a disappointment. It sort of pathetically limped to making its money back, getting savaged by critics along the way. And the reason for this is clear. The Little Mermaid came out THE SAME DAY. Not even, like, a week later. Of course the weird, disjointed, god damn dead dog cartoon was going to draw unfavorable comparisons to the Return of Disney. As a result of the mediocre box office against the inflating budgets of Bluth’s in-development films, their new producing partner, Goldcrest films, withdrew funding. Sullivan Bluth’s next four - and, as it would turn out, final four - features were sold off to a Hong Kong holding company called Media Assets, with severely diminished budgets.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-fd35224e-6da3-ec26-176e-85885357106e" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now, the trend of Rock-a-Doodle and the following films is to shoot for a young audience, and I’m not sure how much of that is Bluth’s intention, or how much of it was demands from Media Assets in order to go after a home video market. What I do know is Bluth was stung after The Little Mermaid, and if Disney was going to win the public’s minds with a musical Hans Christian Andersen adaptation starring Jodi Benson as it’s redheaded, prince fetishizing heroine, HE’D GIVE THEM MORE OF THE SAME.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IF IT AIN’T BROKE!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">COPY IT!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IT’S </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>THUMBELINA</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">!</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiNVKdJZ50pTRW8LMa_sOot2U4jOPrE44mbLr8Nne38FnyuhjlvxozKO46Tcy7UGN5PUkWXWWcICw4Cpu_6mWGSZ11QmpiRSqgyPCH8okYFwTIY1CvzuQT5wKaS3BH521ngOulHfR-tPA/s1600/hans_christian_andersens_thumbelina.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiNVKdJZ50pTRW8LMa_sOot2U4jOPrE44mbLr8Nne38FnyuhjlvxozKO46Tcy7UGN5PUkWXWWcICw4Cpu_6mWGSZ11QmpiRSqgyPCH8okYFwTIY1CvzuQT5wKaS3BH521ngOulHfR-tPA/s1600/hans_christian_andersens_thumbelina.jpg" height="640" width="425" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<a name='more'></a><br /><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">Okay, I don’t know how fair it is to say that they were copying The Little Mermaid entirely. This was deep into preproduction when TLM came out, so at the very least, they were planning on making it. And Rock-a-Doodle and All Dogs were both musicals, albeit less traditional ones, and after writing that sentence, I remembered An American Tail was, too. So the decision to make one isn’t blatant Disney copying. The same actress, though? Come on. And the style of musical, the style of story in general, is verrrrrry Disney for someone who had previously tried to disassociate himself with that studio.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The story... Man, you remember how when I was describing Rock-a-Doodle, it was too insane to manage and I had a breakdown? I feel like the same thing would happen here, but there’s a major twist. While Rock-a-Doodle was a deranged fever dream version of Chantacler, this is, honestly, a completely accurate version of Thumbelina. Certainly more accurate to the Andersen than The Little Mermaid was, and WAAAAAY more than Frozen. The short version of the story is this: An old lady wants a kid. She plants a magic seed, and it gives birth to a hot teenage daughter. The kid is swept away from home and begins an adventure where she has very little agency and everything wants to have sex with her. Then she marries a fairy. The end.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmAP-P3de16gCJAlSjbL_kiJW12TQuGvD9AfLOtmJlWIBB2d-M9QUqjFpCHJY5XalDE_SSnEjFlDvQDtuIcPn_TvIo_3Lf6cafrcpupnsaB3daZyo-YjQ0_BYeqEIv29npMEpz5Y9tmko/s1600/Thumbelina_Bluth_1994.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmAP-P3de16gCJAlSjbL_kiJW12TQuGvD9AfLOtmJlWIBB2d-M9QUqjFpCHJY5XalDE_SSnEjFlDvQDtuIcPn_TvIo_3Lf6cafrcpupnsaB3daZyo-YjQ0_BYeqEIv29npMEpz5Y9tmko/s1600/Thumbelina_Bluth_1994.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"OH GOD, MY WINGS ARE BLEEDING! THIS IS NOT ROMANTIC, THAT IS FAIRY BLOOD!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m not joking. The plot of the original story is fairly episodic, and those episodes can be broken down as follows:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1 - Secret Origins</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2 - Thumbelina gets kidnapped by a frog who wants to marry her.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3 - Thumbelina gets kidnapped by a beetle who wants to marry her.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">4 - Thumbelina gets kidnapped by a mouse who wants her to marry a mole.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">5 - Thumbelina meets a prince and marries him, possibly out of sheer relief that he didn’t kidnap her.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And that’s pretty much it, though I’m not sure “kidnapped” is the right word, since Thumbelina just sort of amiably and vaguely goes along with everything. Like I said, she’s basically got no agency. She only escapes from the frogs because they literally leave her behind, and the beetle kicks her out, so she’s not even making daring escapes from her pseudo-captors. Up until the very end, she’s just sort of... there. She reacts to every minor setback by plopping down and saying “It’s impossible!” Then something fixes it for her. The thing is, I didn’t really mind it once I settled into the movie’s style. Andersen was an effective storyteller, and though the plot is episodic and formulaic, it still kind of worked. There was a clear throughline, with enough variety to keep me from getting bored. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Where Bluth shook it up was in establishing the prince at the beginning of the story, and having the frog and beetle follow her after she leaves them, thus tying the episodes together. This is a good thing and a bad thing. It’s good because it actually provides the audience with more of a legitimate throughline in the story. It’s easier to see the flow from scene to scene. In the story, Thumbelina nurses a pigeon back to health and he saves her, but in the movie, it feels more earned. She meets him earlier in the film and he promises to help, then we see him get injured, then she finds and heals him, THEN he flies her to safety.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXkzbAeo0Y1-TC8d1tWGjWe-HA6HxrTb_qOWpWtDs9fMUo0rSHlmSdoKehVylNEi_-eH0U1ncivAbTLjklPT4C3OkQpzaltb_Ji4JweTcm9_BbYnkpkeK-YFBfMaJcx9vUTZxah0FVnPM/s1600/1158705450_f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXkzbAeo0Y1-TC8d1tWGjWe-HA6HxrTb_qOWpWtDs9fMUo0rSHlmSdoKehVylNEi_-eH0U1ncivAbTLjklPT4C3OkQpzaltb_Ji4JweTcm9_BbYnkpkeK-YFBfMaJcx9vUTZxah0FVnPM/s1600/1158705450_f.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">THEN I shoot him with a BB gun because he is the worst.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But you may notice that this more cohesive story can create new plot holes. If the bird can fly her to safety, why doesn’t he just do that in the first place, for instance? And there are others that arise, too. The beetle and the frog both want Thumbelina to work for them as a singer (Oh, that’s the other thing, everyone’s into her voice. More shades of Ariel.) so why are they working together? Why did the mole decide to keep what he thought was a dead bird in his treasure room? Is it because the bird is the most annoying thing ever? I support that. And even when these segments aren’t causing their minor plot issues, they do make the movie a lot more crowded and awkward. But all in all, I’d say it’s worth the tradeoff of a bit of sense for a bunch of consistency.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So all in all, I actually found myself kind of liking the plot, which I did not expect. Once you give in to the madness, it’s actually quite enjoyable. The same cannot REMOTELY be said for the music. Composed by Barry Manilow of all people, with lyrics by someone I’ve looked up like three times and still can’t recall, these are some real garbage. One song, “Marry the Mole”got a Razzie for worst song, making this the first animated film nominated for and to win that ‘prestigious’ award.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The actors, thankfully, largely save it. Jodi Benson, as I mentioned, is basically revamping Ariel, but with even less agency, so she’s fine. Gary Irnhoff is similarly fine as Prince Cornelius, though to pile on the Little Mermaid coincidences even more, he played Harry Osborn on the contemporaneous Spider-Man series, just as C.D. Barnes, the voice of Prince Eric, played Spider-Man. Come on. Ken Mars, who played the King of the Mermaids in TLM, plays the King of the Fairies here OH COME ON. This is a little ridiculous. He does the same voice, but it’s a good one. June Foray plays his wife, and is wonderful as always.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirvaeb_1C6zwD-xuNpcH9x_0_A17gS0ANO_PhfgO7sUvKuZg_-DPOhAejE4pwOjUFJ5SoI_nEJFlkj-f4C_wk6ZUykV4b7mxD6yNaJaCNDziVx95sd54UMFoot6IDm7li-AblkZx1ekK0/s1600/A142.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirvaeb_1C6zwD-xuNpcH9x_0_A17gS0ANO_PhfgO7sUvKuZg_-DPOhAejE4pwOjUFJ5SoI_nEJFlkj-f4C_wk6ZUykV4b7mxD6yNaJaCNDziVx95sd54UMFoot6IDm7li-AblkZx1ekK0/s1600/A142.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This seems racist against everyone at once.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s the villains where the casting really shines. Charo plays the Frog, which admittedly takes some getting used to, particularly with them playing up the casting with prominent lips and gag boobs. But Charo has always been more talented than she is perceived by the general public, and her rapid speech and singing work very well for the frog, who seems to get her way by talking too fast for anyone to disagree. Sadly, she is replaced for the remainder of the film by her son, a big bruiser type, who is decently played by Joe Lynch, but is really underwritten. The Beetle is played by Gilbert Gottfried, who does predictably well as the ill-mannered con artist/impresario. His singing is dubbed, but the dubber matches his voice perfectly, to the point when I thought “Huh, who knew Gilbert Gottfried could sing?” John Hurt is suitably withered and creepy as the Mole, and Carol Channing is nicely perky and creepy as the Fieldmouse. Gino Conforti plays that stupid bird, and does a great job performing the character as written, by which I mean if I ever meet Gino Conforti, I’m gonna punch him in the gut. I don’t care that he’s 80, I just hate that freaking bird.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s a pretty good looking film, though. Bluth has fully embraced rotoscoping, and uses it better than ever. The dancing beetles look particularly good, with their thin, segmented limbs rotoscoped over human bodies, making them suitably jittery and weird. There is some early CGI that is just horribly integrated, but in general, it’s charmingly old-fashioned. Actually, a lot of it feels like a 1930s cartoon. There are funny animals in random amounts of clothes, for instance, but it feels like just a function of their world this time, and not an infuriating implied secret codependent full society. The animals in the first scene even do that weird 1930s bounce-dancing. Heck, there’s even a blackface character.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEaai5_icV2YtFyEB651hwsb_El6iz3UJ61dAsBHOCLVoat3YxsmBIMFXLmhTvPP8PlAvCH1Dm4LPgtg1nT2_xvWkTjMk_ni04ad5pGNcWXIpOj8kjLjO7YZMqtKozYD9UT2jzc5giYyI/s1600/char_47969.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEaai5_icV2YtFyEB651hwsb_El6iz3UJ61dAsBHOCLVoat3YxsmBIMFXLmhTvPP8PlAvCH1Dm4LPgtg1nT2_xvWkTjMk_ni04ad5pGNcWXIpOj8kjLjO7YZMqtKozYD9UT2jzc5giYyI/s1600/char_47969.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What, you thought I was joking?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Look, this isn’t a great movie. It isn’t even a very good one. But it was surprisingly okay. It’s a slow starter, I rolled my eyes constantly, and our heroes are both kind of dumb, but it has its moments, and builds a decent pace. Overstuffed, understructured, but hey, if your kid picks up the video at the movie rental place, it’s not a bad one. Wait, they don’t have rental places anymore. And I can’t see this taking up limited space at the Redbox. Okay, then, if they… locate it in the… streaming hub? Whatever you people do these days.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* This is, I guess, the last Hans Christian Andersen story I’ll see adapted for screen. His only other big ones are The Emperor’s New Clothes, which I can’t see anyone adapting for a feature, and The Ugly Duckling, which is reprehensible and kind of racist.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* The movie was distributed by Warner Bros, who packaged it with an Animaniacs short before the film. The short, “I’m Mad”, is far from the best Animaniacs has to offer, but I suppose it’s suitable for the audience. Still, I’d rather they did “The Monkey Song” or something.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Charo’s real name is </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">María del Rosario Mercedes Pilar Martínez Molina Baeza. No wonder she went with ‘Charo’.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhLAp48Ij91YfGibb35tnzPGsbsG8S2-vF8P1rU8v2GdfRUXSFdTFzvE5t8Xj9MGXk_AyICGGrsYvJl7rg4x12bCT3HE9Mzxzw32jhpm0OWvUFi2WSj00Mglnzy-w8vwq6PL2wTvNzsOQ/s1600/tumblr_lhf7oo4Cjr1qfdmkq.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhLAp48Ij91YfGibb35tnzPGsbsG8S2-vF8P1rU8v2GdfRUXSFdTFzvE5t8Xj9MGXk_AyICGGrsYvJl7rg4x12bCT3HE9Mzxzw32jhpm0OWvUFi2WSj00Mglnzy-w8vwq6PL2wTvNzsOQ/s1600/tumblr_lhf7oo4Cjr1qfdmkq.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fun fact: Sofia Vergara's entire being is based on this frog.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Though on the subject of actors with long birth names, it is well known that Alexander Siddig used to be credited as Siddig el Fadil. Not as well known is the fact that that was short for Ṣiddīq aṭ-Ṭāhir al-Fāḍil aṣ-Ṣiddīq ʿAbd ur-Raḥman Muḥammad ʾAḥmad ʿAbd ul-Karīm al-Mahdī. He doesn’t have anything to do with the movie, I just like his name, and I’m watching a lot of Star Trek lately.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*While I'm used to animals in random amounts of clothes, and while it works better in this movie than others, I draw the line at the fish wearing hats. HOW DO THE HATS STAY ON THEIR HEADS.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Don Bluth's love of drawing poofy bloomers reaches critical mass in this one, with the mouse wearing nothing but a pair of bloomers so poofy they are basically spherical.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* While The Little Mermaid is the main source of ripoff here, they do also rip off other Disney movies of the time. The scene where the prince romances Thumbelina by flying her around is lifted from "A Whole New World", and just like Beauty and the Beast, they fade into stained glass at the end.</span></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijNtpJYzrc0fC6eKJryYRJ-LPjsN4K1J1dmQ1I2UT_o7jcbMKs5oiViDE0u-EQgG05Gd70K_zklFhQXo6mhQBrWozqjFCx8X2gc2XwboAYUEub4mq7CHsg9nCxoEyurL_G0BCGt31TW_s/s1600/Thumb10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijNtpJYzrc0fC6eKJryYRJ-LPjsN4K1J1dmQ1I2UT_o7jcbMKs5oiViDE0u-EQgG05Gd70K_zklFhQXo6mhQBrWozqjFCx8X2gc2XwboAYUEub4mq7CHsg9nCxoEyurL_G0BCGt31TW_s/s1600/Thumb10.jpg" height="238" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And just like A Bug's Life, all the insects have four limbs.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-64254605630822345912014-09-11T20:47:00.001-07:002014-09-11T20:47:33.534-07:00Rock-a-Doodle (Sullivan Bluth, 1991)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was going to write that we had here the most precipitous drop in quality of any movie we’ve seen on the list so far. The most astonishingly sharp turn from good to bad that the blog has yet given us. And while that’s probably still true (though the Lion King to Pocahontas is a fierce contender as well), it’s not quite the feeling I got from this. After all, while All Dogs Go to Heaven was very good, it wasn’t flawless. It’s more a feeling of a movie where all the Don Bluthy aspects worked perfectly being followed by one where they didn’t work at all. And in true Bluth fashion, the reason is a mix of studio interference, regrettable circumstance, short-sighted ambition, and personal shortcomings. The result? Probably the worst movie featured on the blog since Chicken Little. Definitely the worst since Quest for Camelot.</span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-68c25f0c-67ec-b38f-a5a5-53caf2f3b94d" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Birds!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><strike><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Songs!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Plot!</span></strike></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><strike><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></strike></b>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><strike><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Coherence!</span></strike></b><br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Constant Narration!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IT’S </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>ROCK-A-DOODLE!</b></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3b8T3581fkG7zcAXvwXMtCDq3JQVFpHQLMC5Ltti1as_FzSeL-0TIEhnOFfmtypQPgE3vWhb00VQMioAiezufaycoh4CW3vlX0NEdLfezAqcP09_ruVt2rJep5cpFtxF1MFrbqtztU94/s1600/RockADoodle.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3b8T3581fkG7zcAXvwXMtCDq3JQVFpHQLMC5Ltti1as_FzSeL-0TIEhnOFfmtypQPgE3vWhb00VQMioAiezufaycoh4CW3vlX0NEdLfezAqcP09_ruVt2rJep5cpFtxF1MFrbqtztU94/s1600/RockADoodle.JPG" height="320" width="203" /></a></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></b><br />
<a name='more'></a><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Jumping Jesus metaphor on an Elvis impression, this movie is a freaking mess. I don’t even know where to begin. Or how to begin. Or frankly why to begin. But begin I must. The story is about a rooster named Chanticleer, which none of the other characters agree on how to pronounce. Chanticleer lives on a farm, where his job is to wake up the sun every day by crowing. But the Duke of Owls wants to get Chanticleer off the farm, so he has another rooster show up before dawn and fight him. This gets Chanticleer so distracted that he doesn’t crow, and when the sun comes up without him, the other animals laugh at him and mock him as he leaves the farm in disgrace. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="line-height: 1.15;">THE END</b></span></div>
<br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJJr2RSKYWYEa4t_J-RcGvg7XiwUzhJ6iPNESfSfwxrstDNrYkitNM1S0P8Ai7ybfbPB1YoWgf4NsERN6zFBgmpU6tXGAgQGLHeSmU2ApnJ_2dHzaONt3Qw71oLizd91ThxE9rHH6A97s/s1600/vqe3ci.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJJr2RSKYWYEa4t_J-RcGvg7XiwUzhJ6iPNESfSfwxrstDNrYkitNM1S0P8Ai7ybfbPB1YoWgf4NsERN6zFBgmpU6tXGAgQGLHeSmU2ApnJ_2dHzaONt3Qw71oLizd91ThxE9rHH6A97s/s1600/vqe3ci.jpg" height="252" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sadly, the Deliverance squirrel does not feature prominently at all.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sort of. That appears to be the end of a storybook that is being read to an EXTREMELY tiresome real live-action little boy named Edmond. He lives on a farm, and there’s a big storm a-comin’. He wants to go out and help prepare the farm, but he’s too little! During the storm, he runs to the window and yells for help from Chanticleer, because... He’s an idiot? But the Duke of Owls shows up instead! Hey! That’s not the cartoon bird he asked for! Although any cartoon bird at all is about infinity percent better than I expected, so well done, kid. The Duke is upset that he yelled for Chanticleer, and turns him into a cartoon kitten because... they’re easier to eat? Fortunately, Edmond gets his thumbless hands on a flashlight, which blasts the owl out of the room because... flashlight?</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then all the other animals from the storybook come in on a raft. They are also looking for Chanticleer! Without his crowing, the sun hasn’t come up, and they need him to chase away this rain, before the flood drowns them all and the owls, emboldened by this eternal night, eat them! So with Edmond’s help, a senile dog, a selfish magpie, and a snooty rat set off for The City to find Chanticleer. Once there, they learn that he has gone on to fame and fortune as a massive music and film star going by the name of “The King”, complete with a black-dyed comb and a Tom Parker style agent. Chanticleer and-</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>OKAY, I CAN’T KEEP DESCRIBING THIS MESS</i></b></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix4o58at11Lw14EwCwOVjQ1Z5Pj3p-D7yUMP-zdwJHsG8o8OMFnTRQmEcIhOarVUf8GnikthNZeOqz_EKTCDHsQ3iXhBCaTbdc5yftXCwwrJv-E0WReXyI_qBBwi3063Q0SorngFle16k/s1600/rad-07.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix4o58at11Lw14EwCwOVjQ1Z5Pj3p-D7yUMP-zdwJHsG8o8OMFnTRQmEcIhOarVUf8GnikthNZeOqz_EKTCDHsQ3iXhBCaTbdc5yftXCwwrJv-E0WReXyI_qBBwi3063Q0SorngFle16k/s1600/rad-07.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">WHY IS HE WEARING GLOVES ON HIS WINGS.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">I mean, there’s a shaky plot and then there’s this COMPLETE NONSENSE. Nothing here makes a LICK OF SENSE. In fact, I think it’s time to bring back that old classic, the bulleted plot hole list!</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* First of all, and most glaringly, if Chanticleer’s not crowing anymore is what caused the sun to stop coming up, WHY DID IT COME UP WITHOUT HIM CROWING THE FIRST TIME?! The sun comes up and the animals laugh at him, and he leaves. Then it stops coming up, and the rain comes, and it’s his fault HOW?!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Do the animals live on Edmond’s farm, or not? The movie pretty clearly implies that this is all a dream, although it’s super wishy washy on the topic, and I’m meeting them more than halfway in agreeing to that. But even in the context of the dream, the farm they’re trying to save seems to be the one he lives on, and yet it’s implied they traveled a long way and are unfamiliar with him.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Is the sun not coming up all over the world, or just on the farm? Because while the latter is impossible, I feel like the former would be a cause for some concern.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* And no, it’s not just that the sun is hidden by the rainclouds. They show shots of it clearly rising and falling at the appropriate moments in the plot.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9VahyUdVQOFnHUXK2dTS2BifkWBPKpMDcKc5IQkGaQoba4pwLS2jMoQ_4fg8qIiMTxtFrnrVbfK-OEfkZ-Hbjq3FGH4RRaoOULY97in1C2338L9NqxdoQ5sZMQypF6yJSd8hyphenhyphenlSKT9YI/s1600/ROCK_A_DOODLE-878.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9VahyUdVQOFnHUXK2dTS2BifkWBPKpMDcKc5IQkGaQoba4pwLS2jMoQ_4fg8qIiMTxtFrnrVbfK-OEfkZ-Hbjq3FGH4RRaoOULY97in1C2338L9NqxdoQ5sZMQypF6yJSd8hyphenhyphenlSKT9YI/s1600/ROCK_A_DOODLE-878.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is our duterantagonist, to coin a phrase no one will ever use. He is also terrible.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* The other animals are ASSHOLES. Seriously, they laugh Chanticler off the farm because of whatever, and then they go to get him back not because they realized they’ve wronged their friend and they need to do right by him, but only because they want something.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* The three that accompany Edmond to find Chanticleer are the WORST. There’s a magpie - which is not even an animal you find on a farm - who is defined entirely by his selfishness and laziness, a mouse who is at least intelligent, but also bossy and mean, and a dog who CAN’T TIE HIS SHOES.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* That’s it! That’s his whole deal! He can’t tie his shoes! Which by all rights he shouldn’t even be wearing, but it’s a Don Bluth movie, so random amounts of clothes for all!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* How long has Chanticleer been off the farm? Long enough to become a major star with a fully furnished helicopter and a major film career, but short enough that Goldie the showgirl is jealous that he’s the “new star”.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* And then she’s sent to seduce him for no reason, and they fall in love I guess, and - </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Look, I’ve been going on for over a page on my word processor now, and I could go for several pages more. There’s no point, not one single point, where this plot makes the tiniest hint of sense. In a desperate attempt to spackle over some of the worst cracks, there’s a constant narration by the dog, but that just makes it worse, because it was OBVIOUSLY inserted after the rest of the movie was finished. He literally talks over new plot points because he’s too busy repeating stuff we’ve JUST SEEN. The movie is full of stuff like this:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Edmond</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: We have to go to The City!</span></span><span style="line-height: 1.15;"> </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Patou</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: (</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>narration</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">) And so we went to the city, but when we got there, we couldn’t believe what we saw.</span></span><span style="line-height: 1.15;"> </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Edmond</b>: It’s Chawnticwear! </span></span><span style="line-height: 1.15;"> </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="line-height: 1.15;"> </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Patou</b>: (<b>narration</b>) And sure enough, it was Shanticlaire, and he’d become a big star!</span></span><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Edmond</b>: ...eater!</span></span><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Patou</b>: (<b>narration</b>) Edmond had just told us to go to the theater. Sorry. I was talking. I think there was a song here?</span></span><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Patou</b>: I can’t tie my shoes!</span></span><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Patou</b>: (<b>narration</b>) And I still couldn’t tie my shoes!</span></span></blockquote>
<br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNHKX3Upuqmki3igzDqT0jXKr-9omITEgLu985fPBnPKB75109Vw1d62bBj14xslIaut_HUTyIMZkGcWIgGT66FqxQPHpi-8JF2V8jvfjLu79AqHSXmZq-gUJQ_R2FED84fKP0Yb_W7YI/s1600/shoe+laces.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNHKX3Upuqmki3igzDqT0jXKr-9omITEgLu985fPBnPKB75109Vw1d62bBj14xslIaut_HUTyIMZkGcWIgGT66FqxQPHpi-8JF2V8jvfjLu79AqHSXmZq-gUJQ_R2FED84fKP0Yb_W7YI/s1600/shoe+laces.jpg" height="228" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">ha ha because shoes</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And it’s all horrible, anyway. Nobody acts in a coherent way, nobody has a consistent character, the laws of physics are ignored EVEN BY CARTOON STANDARDS. The villains lack all motivation, planning ability, and common sense. There is no reason anything happens in this movie. There is no reason for any event to occur, nor for any character to perform any action. </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The cast is... Well, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">mostly</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> terrible. The kid is awful, even by child actor standards. He’s got a severe rhotacism that makes him sound like junior Elmer Fudd. And while I’d never make fun of a kid for having a speech impediment, especially such a common one, I do question the judgment of giving him a voice over role. Chanticleer is Glen Campbell, who built a whole career on being a pale shadow of more talented singers, so it’s no surprise that the Elvis impersonation is barely credible. And if you’ve seen the older version of True Grit, you know what kind of actor he is, i.e. not one at all. The Duke of Owls is a badly slumming Christopher Plummer, who gives the role WAY more nuance and effort than it deserves, because he’s phenomenal. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As for the supporting cast, perennial 80s nerd Eddie Deezen is the magpie, and I want to punch his voice in the face. Ellen Greene, who really is a phenomenal actor in things like Little Shop of Horrors, Pushing Daisies, and her recent appearance on Hannibal, is badly miscast as the seductive showgirl Goldie. Greene’s voice oozes charm, innocence, and kindness, all of which have to be concealed or gone entirely for the character to work properly. The voice needs to be a Susan Egan or a Kathleen Turner for the character to work at all. At least a Fran Drescher. Phil Harris plays Patou, and he sounds old and tired, and makes me miss him in The Jungle Book. Hell, even in Robin Hood. Hell, even in THE ARISTOCATS. And as the Duke’s little sidekick, it’s Charles Nelson Reilly again, indulging in all the awful CNR quirks he so successfully restricted in All Dogs. And adding a few new ones. He’s terrible.</span></span></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUw8EyFBphf_KZHO5N_7WOu8X7mgnfCbu_BmNT3I-P8mlm0ctZvDOnQ7EBnIm3ZbZ-caey_qnh4fCdnrEi5fZrfoPz2JnTeyXtsP9S58r9zsyR_WND_e4flya2F7Wlsiv01-zT2CsyFWw/s1600/zsduhwuxll_m.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUw8EyFBphf_KZHO5N_7WOu8X7mgnfCbu_BmNT3I-P8mlm0ctZvDOnQ7EBnIm3ZbZ-caey_qnh4fCdnrEi5fZrfoPz2JnTeyXtsP9S58r9zsyR_WND_e4flya2F7Wlsiv01-zT2CsyFWw/s1600/zsduhwuxll_m.jpg" height="205" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Released the same year as Star Trek 6, containing one of his greatest and hammiest performances.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So is the music. For one thing, most of the songs, such as they are, are less than one minute long. And the lyrics are insipid. For instance, here, in it’s entirety, is a number sung by the King’s bouncers.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Don't touch the star, Try, you won't get very far, </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We'll bounce you once, bounce you twice, </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you get outta line, we're not very nice, </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We'll bounce, bounce you all over the place! </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If we don't like your face!</span></span></i></blockquote>
<br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That’s it. That’s the song. Most songs are about that long. Here’s another, sung by the owls.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tweedely dee (Tweedely dee)</span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They're running out (They're running out)</span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They're running out of batteries! (Of batteries!) </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! No batteries!</span></span></i></blockquote>
<br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are a few songs that are a bit longer, having actual verses and choruses and such, but - and I’m not joking here - any time one of them comes up, Patou narrates over most of it, either the beginning or the middle. Because why would we want to hear some music when we could hear an elderly jazz musician laboriously tell us what we already know?</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The animation is... Okay, it’s not all awful. For all that the characters are horrible, Bluth hasn’t lost his flair for character design, and his comfort level with technology is still growing, leading to some real good stuff. But the actual animation of the characters is often too busy and jumpy, a problem often seen with Bluth, but not often noticed, as he tends to avoid legitimate crowd scenes. I think this was animated somewhere other than Sullivan Bluth for budget reasons, which contributes, I’m sure, to the problem. There’s also a bit at the end where Edmond, restored to his human form, visits the animated farm, and it’s hideous. I mean, I’m not expecting Roger Rabbit levels, but this looks significantly worse than Anchors Aweigh, and that came out, what, 50 years previously?</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtVU8f1-zfuIgtMDzWDgUcZ7i-3uIu6Xb_BkH5tlRLYFArEA8ttdN2xmA9HR0yiJa8pI6Vy4kqVF3kv6-etTthtL7gkwWtIq5bOfU3y1FVEpXqzRkCmn80w4L_dA1qgvl66V16wIt4UV0/s1600/rockadoodle3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtVU8f1-zfuIgtMDzWDgUcZ7i-3uIu6Xb_BkH5tlRLYFArEA8ttdN2xmA9HR0yiJa8pI6Vy4kqVF3kv6-etTthtL7gkwWtIq5bOfU3y1FVEpXqzRkCmn80w4L_dA1qgvl66V16wIt4UV0/s1600/rockadoodle3.jpg" height="270" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">To be fair, this is the greatest piece of promotional art ever.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here’s the thing, though. Don Bluth is a lot like Terry Gilliam. Their ambition far outstrips their ability in many ways. Not their talent, mind, which is prodigious, but their ability to get their projects produced and finished. And part of that is their fault, seeing the art as more important than the finished product in many cases, and being unable to work well with studio figures, but a lot of is also the fault of things completely beyond their control. In this case, Bluth was forced by budgeting issues to spread animation to three different studios. TV director Victor French, who was set to direct the live sequences, died just before production started, and Bluth had to step in despite never having directed live action before. MPAA concerns led to a number of bizarre edits, like using cel overlays to cover Goldie’s cleavage, or adding weird Lucky Charms doodads to the Duke’s spells to make them less spooky. And yes, the narration was added after the film was completed at the insistence of the studio, who expressed concern over the incoherent plot. Which to be fair, they were right about, but come on, this is like having a gaping stomach wound and decorating it with tinsel. You’re not actually solving the problem, and you come off like an insane person.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is NOT TO BE SEEN BY ANYONE. I know sometimes I mock a movie and then say “oh, it’s still worth a look” or maybe people want to see if it’s really as bad as all that, and NO. NO. STAY AWAY.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That said, in the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you all that when I was a little kid, my grandfather owned this movie and I watched it about a zillion times and I loved it and it was my favorite. So... *ahem*. There’s that.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Okay, to be fair, while most of the live action stuff is hot garbage, the bit where a talon-like tree limb crashes into Edmond’s room is pretty cool. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Early in the movie, in the live action segment, Edmond’s dad turns up in a shocking amount of rain gear, ready for the storm. When they cut to the outside later, and the family is braving the horrific rain, the dad is the only one dressed like that, which Edmond’s older brothers literally just in their pajamas with rain hats. Selfish jerk, give one of your kids the coat.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Speaking of, in that scene, Edmond wants to run out and help, but he’s too little. “I’m too little” is his recurring problem for most of the movie, until at the end, it suddenly becomes that he’s scared of everything, the opposite of his personality for the rest of the movie. Nice and consistent, guys.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicFl1GxOKOfITl7pneNu7X67mVvTJ-LsClpg6Fob_AQlC8juyFGh8FRCW0bG9PdfrSiWICKeZOWs_s4aB7Btlri88ffVArLyMjutKFfxLApMFzOOFrPbebHtIKgiriAevFvAZ1PUlsAYc/s1600/rad-04.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicFl1GxOKOfITl7pneNu7X67mVvTJ-LsClpg6Fob_AQlC8juyFGh8FRCW0bG9PdfrSiWICKeZOWs_s4aB7Btlri88ffVArLyMjutKFfxLApMFzOOFrPbebHtIKgiriAevFvAZ1PUlsAYc/s1600/rad-04.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Then he has a nervous breakdown and fantasy/nightmare sequence where he crawls around inside his own brain. That is a thing that happens.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Edmond’s name is taken from Edmond Rostand, the French poet and author of Cyrano de Bergerac, who wrote a play called Chantecler, the basic plot of which is somewhat faithfully relayed in Edmond’s storybook. This is also where they got the name Patou and the idea of a pheasant who seduces Chantecler from his duties. Of course, in the play, he realizes that it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t bring the sun, because his crowing still wakes the farm and starts everyone on their day. I am not aware of Rostand’s opinion on Patou’s shoes.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Ellen Greene was also good on that super weird X-Files episode where Burt Reynolds played God. For a ninth season episode, it’s pretty good. You should watch it. Spoilers on that God thing, by the way. Forget I said that.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Phil Harris’s birth name is Wonga Philip Harris. I had to double check that for accuracy, because the first place I saw it was on his Wikipedia page, which currently states that he is “probably best known” for Rockadoodle. I felt a violent urge to change that, but I left it in case you don’t believe me. </span></span>The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-2500482091143460712014-09-08T18:13:00.002-07:002014-09-08T18:13:48.271-07:00All Dogs Go to Heaven (Sullivan Bluth, 1989)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Land Before Time cemented Bluth’s critical success after the shaky reception of An American Tail, and inspired Spielberg to go off and form his own studio, which we’ll hear more about later. Bluth was once again left to his own devices, with the success to pursue his art as he saw fit, and no producers to overpower him. Bluth, Goldman, and Dan Kuenster directed, Bluth, Goldman, and Pomeroy produced, and Bluth was free to Bluth it up all over the screen, with complete creative control. In future projects, this would turn out to be more a good idea in theory than in practice, like giving Gene Roddenberry more control over Star Trek. For this one shining movie, though, all the Bluthy stars truly aligned. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-523589f4-55b0-c91b-0c45-f2df94e2ea26" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">DOGS!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ORPHANS!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">VESTS AND NECKTIES!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IT’S </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN!</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHNJ76wkYMQ8lfEMq9J7vdP6_9xpWprOfGLLBocnWVnFXsHPeyewflW30wVGpTVB_OOqrUpCJwzC9ZwSU6dfLsOlYzI1X9AvnpeRWulOCJNqgKP4FHULcyu7JoXdf3b_NeHxBIlY4XhhU/s1600/all_dogs_go_to_heaven_xlg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHNJ76wkYMQ8lfEMq9J7vdP6_9xpWprOfGLLBocnWVnFXsHPeyewflW30wVGpTVB_OOqrUpCJwzC9ZwSU6dfLsOlYzI1X9AvnpeRWulOCJNqgKP4FHULcyu7JoXdf3b_NeHxBIlY4XhhU/s1600/all_dogs_go_to_heaven_xlg.jpg" height="400" width="257" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<a name='more'></a><br /><br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Longtime readers of this blog know that among my many weird problems is an inability to accept parallel animal societies. Well, that’s not entirely true, I’m fine with them if the humans are aware of the societies, or if there’s an explanation for it, or if the society makes more than a cursory attempt to remain secret, but if there’s a blatantly insane one, like mice wearing clothing with signs posted in the UN or throwing elaborate bon voyage parties at busy docks, I can’t handle it.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So who knows why I don’t have a problem with this movie? The dogs wear vests and neckties. drink from toilets, but they can tie neckties. I have two reasonably intelligent brothers that still can’t tie neckties, and they drink out of glasses and everything. The dogs have a CASINO. With, like gambling tables and a rat racetrack. But it’s in a junkyard. But it’s got full electricity, and dog-targeted neon signs. There’s a little girl who can talk to animals, and it’s clear this time that she’s unusual in that respect. So why do the dogs have all this? What’s the point in them having money if they sleep in abandoned cars and whatnot? </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">WHO CARES!?</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-T-MMgkvo4FLMqk9mW6FZtLgsoyCk4gka6uufj3LbKytHI5_U1fWB1R4tzdqxfDsVcZtARYlk2PCGT39i8HC3rjS0bSksvjHmdhXZbOwHBVkbxVjSReaE5mrq5XcyduEkpIxdk4k6acw/s1600/large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; line-height: 1.15; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center; white-space: normal;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-T-MMgkvo4FLMqk9mW6FZtLgsoyCk4gka6uufj3LbKytHI5_U1fWB1R4tzdqxfDsVcZtARYlk2PCGT39i8HC3rjS0bSksvjHmdhXZbOwHBVkbxVjSReaE5mrq5XcyduEkpIxdk4k6acw/s1600/large.jpg" height="301" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm inclined to think the joke is Itchy can't read because he's a dog, but given everything else dogs can do here, he might just be illiterate.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For some reason, I know not what, this film finally hit the right tone where I am able to just accept that. I think a lot of that has to do with the lead character. Rather than the earnest family types of the past Bluth oeuvre, Charlie B. Barkin is kind of a scumbag. He’s a gambler, a con artist, and a thief, and when he becomes a liability to his business associate, he gets killed. Literally killed. The movie does not shy away from that. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Once killed, he steals his now-spent soul from Heaven (where he went despite being awful because he is a dog, and - well, you read the title.) and returns to life. Is it for some noble cause, perhaps to save a life or make amends for his misdeeds? Nope, it’s a combination of not wanting to be dead and wanting revenge on the guy who killed him, a bulldog named Carface. When he finds out Carface has imprisoned an orphan girl who can speak to animals, and is using this ability to rig rat races, he rescues her... so he can use her in the exact same way. Also to steal stuff. He only comes around to the good side with great reluctance and with legit character development, which earns him a return to heaven. As an occasionally cranky atheist, I can’t help but love a movie where someone rejects heaven for being boring, and refuses to let himself be saved by grace. Charlie has to return to earth because he hasn’t earned heaven. And what gets him there in the end is caring for the life of another at the expense of his own, and abandoning heaven’s rules to do so. Damned by dogma, saved by humanism. I love it.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUEztqomLVN5P_T3DeFkyRNZC7YoPi6czHKUHCwQmLg1lxx7UW7KO2o2rB42xta2bKsfEdg3_XVj14r_v3H2uCa6hGZqObvuMgDtAj7uFsILB3M_wYmDqjF_AEvo5YkKDyVqdDmzzzyTw/s1600/All-Dogs-go-to-Heaven-all-dogs-go-to-heaven-4983841-780-588.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUEztqomLVN5P_T3DeFkyRNZC7YoPi6czHKUHCwQmLg1lxx7UW7KO2o2rB42xta2bKsfEdg3_XVj14r_v3H2uCa6hGZqObvuMgDtAj7uFsILB3M_wYmDqjF_AEvo5YkKDyVqdDmzzzyTw/s1600/All-Dogs-go-to-Heaven-all-dogs-go-to-heaven-4983841-780-588.jpg" height="301" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Help! I tripped and fell into Fantasia!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The animation is stellar. Bluth has grown more comfortable with things like xerography, rotoscoping, and computer assistance, and all are used to great effect. He worked on some video games around this time, and I’d bet they helped him see these tools as assets rather than liabilities. The dog characters show his gift for expressive character design, though the humans are a bit dull. But then, they always are. With a modern setting - or at least semi-modern, it seems to be sort of loosely set in the late 1930s for no reason other than style - Bluth is once again free to indulge his favorite quirks. Luxurious cigar smoking, innocent-type upskirt shots, big piles of junk, and the sparkles. OH, SUCH SPARKLES. The afterlife setting really gives him an excuse to go nuts with the sparkles, and boy does he use it. There’s also an extended (maybe a bit too extended) sequence where Charlie has a vision of his future in hell, which contains wonderful amounts of monsters and lava and smoke and all that good stuff.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Acting-wise, the movie was really solid. I was glad to hear the neurotic and frantic tones of Dom DeLuise again. While I’m pretty sure I made up the fact that he didn’t get into the last movie because Bluth was angry with him for doing a Disney flick, but in my imaginary world, he was brought back into the Bluth fold by Burt Reynolds. The two were best friends throughout their entire careers and appeared in six movies together. They were even afforded the privilege of recording their lines in the same booth, which was incredibly rare at the time. The two of them also ad-libbed extensively, playing off each other and using their impressive improv skills to improve the script. Bluth was so happy with the results that he had the villainous pair, played by Vic Tayback and Charles Nelson Reilly, also record together. It’s now common to have actors record together, and this was one of the trailblazers there.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNyPwsAU59RZ88XInbGfhyphenhyphenL0bXLqvyz4J2pXTQo5As91o0XJm6tWjmEIZ4Rvsc3FREUd6RFiUwTTFxjcFPdziN-GAFJdC0yXUOxuAuB3U4PaZFK6goXWMP4D38JQGhizIqYl0eAricYGc/s1600/Carface.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNyPwsAU59RZ88XInbGfhyphenhyphenL0bXLqvyz4J2pXTQo5As91o0XJm6tWjmEIZ4Rvsc3FREUd6RFiUwTTFxjcFPdziN-GAFJdC0yXUOxuAuB3U4PaZFK6goXWMP4D38JQGhizIqYl0eAricYGc/s1600/Carface.jpg" height="257" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This dog is better at tying a bow tie than I am. And I have thumbs.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Apart from the nifty behind the scenes stuff, the performances are really good. Bluth’s gift for casting continues unabated. Reynolds and DeLuise can’t sing hardly at all, but their comedic talents and camaraderie carry them through, and their songs are written to suit what are charitably called “character voices”. Reynolds is very much in his element as the sleazy charmer, a role he’s always excelled at. And DeLuise, an amazing actor who was somewhat held back by his physical appearance and goofy voice, gives one of the best performances of his career. Tayback is predictably good as the brutish bulldog, and Rielly gets to play a little meaner and more spiteful than his usual goofs. Loni Anderson, who was married to Reynolds at the time, plays Charlie’s girlfriend, but she’s good enough that it doesn’t just seem like stunt casting. Judith Barsi plays the orphan girl, and if you thought it was tough to hear her as a chipper little dinosaur, hearing her as an emotionally abused child is even tougher. She gives a dynamite performance, though. And Broadway star Ken Page appears as King Gator. OH YEAH, THAT.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sometimes there is a scene that just needs to be mentioned, and this is deeeeeffffffinitely one of those. I mentioned earlier that for once, I didn’t have a problem with the “animal world”, for whatever reason. Maybe it’s because it was so played up, maybe I’m just used to it by now, who knows. But there’s one moment in the film where Charlie falls into the sewer and is set upon by King Gator, who is a gigantic, Cajun-accented, vaguely effeminate alligator with a bone through his nose. He is impressed by Charlie’s singing (yeah, right) and sings a song called “Let’s Make Music Together”. Then Charlie leaves. Then nobody talks about it for most of the movie. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This was the scene that prompted film critic Lindsay Ellis to coin the term “Big Lipped Alligator Moment”, referring to scenes in movies, often animated ones, where something comes out of nowhere, creates a ludicrous and tonally inconsistent spectacle, and disappears, never to be mentioned again. King Gator is not a flawless example of a B.L.A.M., as he does put in one brief appearance in the climax, sinking a boat and eating Carface, but it was really unnecessary, totally out of place, and has that slight veneer of racism and homophobia so common in 80s kids’ movies that really makes it sit badly. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYFt0eCKbn3RCx3Nl8rIeQ4bsuqDEoiUFYmWE2QlgcdhWmopQ-dGmiMxMj9hi4JoKvw8YW_RDZuUGe6_VeVdci9yiiOWcVyIlaFCjP98xirDQVvF-hLMOoA_4WAK6ksgLl9-2PzhGGlsM/s1600/Kinggator.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYFt0eCKbn3RCx3Nl8rIeQ4bsuqDEoiUFYmWE2QlgcdhWmopQ-dGmiMxMj9hi4JoKvw8YW_RDZuUGe6_VeVdci9yiiOWcVyIlaFCjP98xirDQVvF-hLMOoA_4WAK6ksgLl9-2PzhGGlsM/s1600/Kinggator.jpg" height="319" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"OH, LAWDY, BUT AH AM A FAAAAABULOUS BUNDLE OF STEREOTYPES! COME SIT ON MY GIANT CLAM IN MY CASTLE OF BONES BENEATH NEW ORLEANS, WHICH IS A THING FOR SOME REASON!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But apart from that one bit of blatant insanity, the rest of the film is comprised mostly of a subtler, more charming insanity. It doesn’t always make much sense, but it doesn’t have to. It’s Bluth’s best movie, and it’s the one where he finally figured out the secret formula that makes the insane work in concert with the story, instead of hindering it.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Don’t get used to that.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* As well as 6 Burt Reynolds movies and 4 Don Bluth movies, DeLuise was in 7 Mel Brooks movies. That’s an actor who builds brand loyalty.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* I may like the character, but Charlie B. Barkin is a terrible name.</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* You may have noticed I didn’t mention the songs hardly at all. There’s a reason for that. They’re awful.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE3yG1YRnlGfyh5klMn1Q2v-pYgfvtrj8LZgoYu0m9P2m0BqRYJneDNwF8fDQs8pb7kqC22sjmAoqYhhXTvRphtjGFCHcZnd7Eo3rhF5oGf3kBEF7ft9PCoX4Q4U-Gouc2mBNg34q9o7U/s1600/18.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE3yG1YRnlGfyh5klMn1Q2v-pYgfvtrj8LZgoYu0m9P2m0BqRYJneDNwF8fDQs8pb7kqC22sjmAoqYhhXTvRphtjGFCHcZnd7Eo3rhF5oGf3kBEF7ft9PCoX4Q4U-Gouc2mBNg34q9o7U/s1600/18.jpg" height="216" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">I feel like "overflowing waffle irons" would be one of those Bluth animation fetishes if he had more excuses to include them.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">* In the direct-to-video sequels, Charlie is voiced by Charlie Sheen, then Steven Weber. Talk about diminishing returns.
* Continuing my theme of "insane things I found while researching this",<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGP0_sPD1ng"> I invite you to try and make sense of this YouTube video.</a> I don't know, maybe it's some kind of Tumblr thing. And you can hear Reynolds and DeLuise "singing", and a touch of that old casual racism.</span></span>The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-13716104980106399622014-08-15T13:28:00.000-07:002014-08-15T13:28:05.807-07:00The Land Before Time (Sullivan Bluth, 1988)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">DINOSAURS!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dinosaurs Dinosaurs Dinosaaaaaurs</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-2749f3b8-db51-7daf-4410-51d83efdd25f" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That was me in 1988. A four year old boy into dinosaurs? I know, how original. But I fancy I went a bit further over the years. Anyone can wear a sweatshirt with a dinosaur, but I favored the one from the post office, bearing their stamps, because it was more accurate. I owned a copy of Robert Bakker’s “The Dinosaur Heresies”, even though I could neither define nor pronounce ‘heresies’. I knew what a Dinosauroid was. (and now that I’m older, I know something else a Dinosauroid was: pseudoscience bull malarkey.) I’m amazed I didn’t see this movie at the time, or on video at any point during my long dinosaur fondness. But while my interest might have been scientifically driven, it was far from unique, and after their last success, Spielberg knew what kids wanted to see: Bambi with dinosaurs.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">DINOSAURS!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">DINOSAURS!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">DINOSAAAAAAAURS!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and pterosaurs and icthyosaurs and plesiosaurs and mososaurs, which are always classified as dinosaurs even though they aaaaaaactually arent</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IT’S </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>THE LAND BEFORE TIME!</b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkLgTQ2ja7rCJ62EfkbGY0YHnCUOUTYFrG-vG_hsX9zZCQFSbsCWfyUDw9yMYYzERsMwk86O5LtOPZumSg3gc40Rc7tGwE-8fOe4EoAA2Aj6D2Pltxi_4BxeUzBcUtxDrXOU5BEVmF_2w/s1600/155180_10100409842499456_1621780822_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; line-height: normal; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; white-space: normal;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkLgTQ2ja7rCJ62EfkbGY0YHnCUOUTYFrG-vG_hsX9zZCQFSbsCWfyUDw9yMYYzERsMwk86O5LtOPZumSg3gc40Rc7tGwE-8fOe4EoAA2Aj6D2Pltxi_4BxeUzBcUtxDrXOU5BEVmF_2w/s1600/155180_10100409842499456_1621780822_n.jpg" height="320" width="221" /></a></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So Spielberg and George Lucas supplied the story, and Bluth supplied the film. And boy, is this a Spielberg story. Parental abandonment, innocence of youth, hero’s journey, all that jazz. This is not to say that Bluth’s directorial hand is not felt, which is all the more impressive, given how out of his wheelhouse the setting is. In the two Bluth movies we’ve already reviewed, and the others I’ve seen, I’ve noticed a few quirks he has. He loves to animate people luxuriously smoking, he loves throwing sparkles all over everything, he loves clattering collections of caliginous junk, he loves characters whose skirts fly up to reveal puffy bloomers beneath (this one is really weird and shows up ALL THE TIME). He loves musical numbers. He loves Dom DeLuise.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Land Before Time contains none of these things - well, one or two errant sparkles - so Bluth’s occasional excesses that have been a surprisingly common irritant are mostly gone. The Bluth tropes that do show up are the ones that integrate easily into a movie. His love of nature scenes and lush, detailed backgrounds. His emphasis on character interactions over plot details, occasionally leading to a bit of contrivance. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTVq9Zbkip38zSuIGQxFrqGY6gQvr9k9V5NhfZFXubAZDE13iRV0opqiOAK5yE6_MFF3vP-vRBSguK3LuWXrXrGCsKgRBYCDWmrvsjjs6KgwlWseCibADLGRUxmXlF34aKDHN4FlPq-cg/s1600/tumblr_n8zcckY0Lq1ra684mo1_400.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTVq9Zbkip38zSuIGQxFrqGY6gQvr9k9V5NhfZFXubAZDE13iRV0opqiOAK5yE6_MFF3vP-vRBSguK3LuWXrXrGCsKgRBYCDWmrvsjjs6KgwlWseCibADLGRUxmXlF34aKDHN4FlPq-cg/s1600/tumblr_n8zcckY0Lq1ra684mo1_400.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is most of the movie.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is not to say that the plot is bad, just unimportant. For the second time on this blog, I’m critiquing a movie about dinosaurs trekking through a bit of a wasteland looking for a fertile area. And while this one came first, it’s not a whole lot more interesting. It’s definitely better, though. For one thing, there’s no annoying lemurs hanging around the place. The characters are a lot better drawn, too, and if they’re a little broad, it’s easier to forgive in child characters. Littlefoot is driven, Cera’s a jerk, Spike’s an idiot, Ducky is eager, and Petrie is nervous. And that’s all we need, because the journey is enough to carry the story here. And the sense of exploration on said journey is much more satisfying in this movie than it was in Dinosaur, which was something of a depressing slog, both for the characters and for the audience. Without a crabapple like Kron to push them along, the whole affair has this open-world feeling that works so much better than a craggy-faced guy who keeps yelling “MOVE MOVE MOVE.”</span><br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The trouble that results from that, though is that it leaves all the antagonistic danger-producing to the Tyrannosaurus that follows the kids around. It served its initial purpose well, killing Littlefoot’s mother (and yes, that was very sad, much more so than Bambi’s mom), but when it turned up again, I found it rather boring. It also presents my old “Arbitrarily Silent Animal” issue. Why can’t Aladar talk to the Carnotaurs? Why can’t Tarzan talk to the cheetah? Why can’t the Rescuers talk to the alligators? Why can’t Ariel talk to the shark? You can’t build a world where the animals talk and then just say “except if they need to be antagonists, then they’re just animals.” Bothers me. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgke33htV2OiqL89_Xb-nhfyCKq0pNm5einLiJkSpagY3yv4NONYeTKcQXz9tesmiTA7iJQlmZSaxHAl3FO8FXEcktHG7vMboKv8f8-lcR5JjtdUzYTWRBYu7IrZogl877NaRHbc86soos/s1600/1655419_10100374349417876_1678242442_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgke33htV2OiqL89_Xb-nhfyCKq0pNm5einLiJkSpagY3yv4NONYeTKcQXz9tesmiTA7iJQlmZSaxHAl3FO8FXEcktHG7vMboKv8f8-lcR5JjtdUzYTWRBYu7IrZogl877NaRHbc86soos/s1600/1655419_10100374349417876_1678242442_o.jpg" height="234" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ducky's family adopted a special needs kid, though, which is totally cool of them.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">No, the fun is in the changing challenges they encounter. All suitably prehistoric, of course. There’s a tar pit, a volcano, a herd of (annoyingly silent) Pachycephalosauri, etc. These dramas can all sort of pile up on each other and make the action hard to follow at times, but they built their tension effectively and generally worked very well. The quiet moments are good, too, though there are a few that probably would have bored me as a child.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The voices are... acceptable. Look, it’s almost all child actors. No adults of note. As previously vouchsafed, Dom DeLuise isn’t even in this one, as he was doing Oliver and Company at the time, and either the schedules conflicted or possibly Bluth decided to pout over it. Pat Hingle has a tiny part, I guess that’s something. And when it comes to child actors, you have to expect that there’s not going to be great work coming out of them, with very few exceptions. One of those exceptions is in this movie, however, in the amazingly charming Judith Barsi. Barsi was a gifted child actor who was tragically murdered by her abusive father just prior to this movie’s release. He was a violent alcoholic who was resentful of his daughter’s success, and ended his life, his daughter’s, and her mother’s in a murder/suicide/arson, and for reasons unknown, his victims were buried in unmarked graves. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I mention this because her performance as Ducky, who should by all rights be a supremely annoying comic relief character, is really good and moving and delightful, and yet thanks to my knowledge of this, I was simultaneously happy and sad whenever she spoke, and now you have to be, too. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEim1rJO69o0OKZLo0R3EREiELqr68bA69VWHpOB2AJdSX7eH7U9NnErgAYpPri0wsfmdwSC2WVBQ4eyRvY8Nnb8lAWqm2zAGh40L4LpAY_XGylxfNjLeW_KMqsgxmov0p9tNL88_Lc4i34/s1600/blogSpan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEim1rJO69o0OKZLo0R3EREiELqr68bA69VWHpOB2AJdSX7eH7U9NnErgAYpPri0wsfmdwSC2WVBQ4eyRvY8Nnb8lAWqm2zAGh40L4LpAY_XGylxfNjLeW_KMqsgxmov0p9tNL88_Lc4i34/s1600/blogSpan.jpg" height="239" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm a depressing statistic! Yep yep yep!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">The animation is also good, though Bluth’s continuing budget struggles are occasionally apparent. The usual small issues with Fudd Flags, and the characters’ heads are often a different color than their recycled bodies, but it’s not really an issue. He uses camera filters a lot more in this, a soft focus one for flashbacks and a wobbly one for underwater. I have to admit, I was hoping for a lot more from this one, animation-wise. And it’s great, don’t get me wrong, but I was just hoping for a little more pop. And that kind of goes for the whole movie. It was great, but I was hoping for... I don’t know, nutty cuckoo super great.</span><br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well, I’ll get plenty of pop in our next one, and while whether I get super-great remains to be seen, I’ll be loaded down with nutty cuckoo. Speaking of nutty cuckoo, here are three things I found on Tumblr while looking for images to include in this post, to make up for it being kind of a short one. Enjoy.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPHo5zC2jU9qH8CKJ8t_DGXR5XtmdisPtgZHfJLfXDXGJNYaA9E01anowdJou0kQSLE8cK99MWwHL-ZzIfmbVT8nkKLt16LsY569WN5cI1Ds7O_mSksuJfVPxxAXqNw0UTHL4xIyhuM_s/s1600/3.136305.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPHo5zC2jU9qH8CKJ8t_DGXR5XtmdisPtgZHfJLfXDXGJNYaA9E01anowdJou0kQSLE8cK99MWwHL-ZzIfmbVT8nkKLt16LsY569WN5cI1Ds7O_mSksuJfVPxxAXqNw0UTHL4xIyhuM_s/s1600/3.136305.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Completely accurate.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjlVlHdVb8aXAzvb-oI5gkRu3jFu0Fkek3bB6QiOFW9tUP71F7D9EpaXhaSSD51D5dj4_vFEz-VTbmhXfEH-R2bnSciPCZ_pD9VNDUdjWyksDX6OkODhzzAYZHdF39WiW9mfztjcFTMTk/s1600/Aquaman's%2BOutrageous%2BAdventure%2BScreenshot%2B007.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjlVlHdVb8aXAzvb-oI5gkRu3jFu0Fkek3bB6QiOFW9tUP71F7D9EpaXhaSSD51D5dj4_vFEz-VTbmhXfEH-R2bnSciPCZ_pD9VNDUdjWyksDX6OkODhzzAYZHdF39WiW9mfztjcFTMTk/s1600/Aquaman's%2BOutrageous%2BAdventure%2BScreenshot%2B007.jpg" height="400" width="270" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm sure whoever made this was certain they were making a good point.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy-sGfDllGjm9eQ199eGCc9wOotBkeuk_y_gzpRMUiIy1VZuj1XEO36MliSDvcIESD7NO4d-XUFR2Ogf7yz0SOaM76gyP0ptlKB6my7e52wX51KYi3iFoJNCaF36avcORBEjkOB0coy1c/s1600/1.157127.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy-sGfDllGjm9eQ199eGCc9wOotBkeuk_y_gzpRMUiIy1VZuj1XEO36MliSDvcIESD7NO4d-XUFR2Ogf7yz0SOaM76gyP0ptlKB6my7e52wX51KYi3iFoJNCaF36avcORBEjkOB0coy1c/s1600/1.157127.jpg" height="280" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm not surprised to find explicit fanart on the internet, of course. It's the little copyright notice in the corner that gets me. Yes, "Dark Nek Ogami", I'm sure now that you've given Universal their due credit, they're totally fine with your art.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><br /></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Speaking of Dinosaur, I recently learned that it wasn’t counted as part of the canon until just a couple of years ago, when they added it retroactively so they could sell Tangled as #50. This infuriates me, because if they hadn’t, Winnie-The-Pooh would have had the 50 spot, which it richly deserves, and more importantly, I WOULDN’T HAVE HAD TO WATCH DINOSAUR.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* One aspect I didn’t comment on was the dinosaur names. Rather than refer to themselves as apatosaurus, triceratops, etc, they have their own names for their species. So the apatosaurs are “long-necks” and triceratops are “three-horns”, stegosaurs are “spike-tails”, and so forth. While it makes sense that they wouldn’t call themselves what humans named them, I do wonder what we’d be called under that system. “Naked-monkeys”?</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjly49OHzlc1hrEKfJqI7s-2PLTJdF8UojMXtJonlgUE1Q7ixx_FzvB5OagD3cHahEa4s0WqcTMrACPGrz9SgkwVH6tPlDo3e8y2KFyUR9HjWHRHSlZs1MSXVDrsSl-nSgROUmrKdTA8qg/s1600/8912_5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjly49OHzlc1hrEKfJqI7s-2PLTJdF8UojMXtJonlgUE1Q7ixx_FzvB5OagD3cHahEa4s0WqcTMrACPGrz9SgkwVH6tPlDo3e8y2KFyUR9HjWHRHSlZs1MSXVDrsSl-nSgROUmrKdTA8qg/s1600/8912_5.jpg" height="237" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I wonder what the crypto currency guy thinks of this.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* The characters seem confused on whether the little triceratops was named Cera or Sara. It’s Cera, but they are DEFINITELY saying Sara sometimes.</span></div>
<br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Ebert said of this film </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> "I guess I sort of liked the film, although I wonder why it couldn't have spent more time on natural history and the sense of discovery, and less time on tragedy.” That sounds about right.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: Arial; font-size: 9px; vertical-align: super; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span>The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-73342474806952123002014-07-15T22:24:00.000-07:002014-07-15T22:32:08.379-07:00Shrek The Musical (DreamWorks Theatricals, 2008)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well well well. In the words of Staind, it’s been a while. See, I got all enthusiastic that my newly stable job would allow me the sort of schedule that would allow for more regular writing, but I forgot one thing: How FREAKING exhausting it is to be a teacher at the end of the year. Or a full time teacher in general, really. And I had to keep the ol’ bookstore job in order to have it over the summer, so the end result was if I wasn’t working, I was flat on my back. So if you’ve been wondering where the updates at, I wish it was a more exciting story, but nope. I was working my dream job by day, working a job I also love at night, and sleepin’ in the middle. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thing is, school’s been out for weeks, and I haven’t picked up the pen yet. Metaphorically. Typing with a pen is difficult. But even if it wasn’t, I still just keep running into a wall when trying to put together my thoughts on The Land Before Time. And as the days ticked by, my mind wandered back to the weeks of the NJASK. Because the NJASK, you see, is part of what led me on this dark path I’ve found myself on. No, not the path of the writer’s block. The path of I've watched Shrek The Musical five times this summer. See? I told you it was dark.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">MUSIC!</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ALLEGED COMEDY!</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">REDUNDANCY!</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">BAD PLANNING! </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IT’S </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>SHREK THE MUSICAL!</b></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0g1md6VEbqO0pM8zjo2XGHtTO2Frmm1dJKbBZ4HH05btkhFS7LwgDGBooNYOnHzgCJMnmcbqqDqK6z1gboN2Z2fNLc4AUAUuI61XV26wPJq-3E3VTNlnFOXkbBu0iHJba5eC0eUrIYgs/s1600/3718282-Shrek-The-Musical-DVD.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0g1md6VEbqO0pM8zjo2XGHtTO2Frmm1dJKbBZ4HH05btkhFS7LwgDGBooNYOnHzgCJMnmcbqqDqK6z1gboN2Z2fNLc4AUAUuI61XV26wPJq-3E3VTNlnFOXkbBu0iHJba5eC0eUrIYgs/s1600/3718282-Shrek-The-Musical-DVD.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-4a108d02-3d80-2fa2-e566-18a0cff49641"></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span id="docs-internal-guid-4a108d02-3d80-2fa2-e566-18a0cff49641"><br /></span>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The NJASK, for those that don’t know, is a standardized test taken from grades 3-8 in New Jersey. And schools take it REALLY seriously. High security, all sorts of new rules and regulations, and a mad orgy of test prep. The weeks leading up to the test are non-stop writing prompts and comprehension quizzes. And the kids have to be quiet. If anyone in the school is testing, the students must be absolutely silent for the duration of the testing, lest they provide a distraction to the testing students.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And the final part of our puzzle is that some students need to be taken from their classes and tested in small groups, in order to accommodate their learning needs. And what are the first classes to give up their rooms? The specials, of course. So the art, music, and Spanish classes were held in the gym, the gym classes lost their room, and the library classes had squat to do without their library. My school includes grades 4-8, so there is a LOT of testing to be done, and after a while, the specials teachers were getting kind of fed up.</span></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9mksvrOLSs18knpueH4tvTIO6anP9jh0sQ0CJKGHQYHCCMeazwfm7JZR2LLBuOM-0P9KmuVcThXrOCOiCYGTrHkqh0zgD1dB7Q3ItaSTcflf7yKeV3nYCGFFp7mLrCLIsrvNMJbcqpwU/s1600/shrek1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9mksvrOLSs18knpueH4tvTIO6anP9jh0sQ0CJKGHQYHCCMeazwfm7JZR2LLBuOM-0P9KmuVcThXrOCOiCYGTrHkqh0zgD1dB7Q3ItaSTcflf7yKeV3nYCGFFp7mLrCLIsrvNMJbcqpwU/s1600/shrek1.jpg" height="282" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">This is a photo of Shrek, from the play "Shrek The Musical". So... there.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">On the last day of 4th grade testing, I dropped my testing materials off at the vice principal’s office, and went off to the teacher’s room to grab a quick bathroom break before rejoining my very antsy and edgy kids. As it happens, the teacher’s room is right across from the gym, and it was 6th grade specials time. I saw that the gym was dark and peeked in the window to see what was going on. Oh, they’re just watching a movie. Well, I certainly don’t blame them. Great way to cap off a very stressful week. They’ve earned it, students and teachers alike. I poked my head in to see what movie they had, as I am always inordinately interested in what movies people are watching. And the result was... live action Shrek?</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As a Broadway fan, I was of course aware that Shrek had been made into a stage musical, but I had no idea it had been professionally filmed and released. Intrigued, I poked about on the Netflix when I got home that afternoon, and there it was. So I watched it. Why not? Shrek was a good movie, there was a talented cast there, and I do like a good musical. So I watched it.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Fast forward to last week, and it popped up on my “Watch it again” recommendations on Netflix. Huh, I thought, I didn’t rate the movie after I finished it. That’s odd, I usually do that as soon as I finish. And after all, it was... Um... I thought it... I liked the...</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I did not remember it at all. I remembered not a single moment of this movie which I had watched just a little over a month ago. I strained my brain but could not recall a single chorus, a unique costume design, an interesting bit of staging. Sure, it was a stressful time when I watched it, but surely something. I did remember one thing. I didn’t like it that much. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIi8xKdjO4ncJ2x0jjP1og7VBoqhmX-z5YQraIHu4LAuF4IZLtl4yqCfuVVOlAnTDc6uwCRVbX2IUwyPuB36QcwcMK66dLzXd9AzzE4b84Rx38cOn6abGrcuDsb36FAT_6RkioKA7Q3wM/s1600/1.157127.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIi8xKdjO4ncJ2x0jjP1og7VBoqhmX-z5YQraIHu4LAuF4IZLtl4yqCfuVVOlAnTDc6uwCRVbX2IUwyPuB36QcwcMK66dLzXd9AzzE4b84Rx38cOn6abGrcuDsb36FAT_6RkioKA7Q3wM/s1600/1.157127.jpg" height="196" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">Was it garish? I feel like it was garish.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Intrigued by my lack of any memory other than a vague distaste, I did what any sensible man would do. I watched it again. And as the credits started rolling, I realized something very strange. I couldn’t remember the beginning of the show. It was slipping from my mind as soon as it entered. Sure, I had dribs and drabs this time, it being so recent, but it was fading fast.</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Could this be the Perfectly Forgettable Entertainment? I’d encountered such things before, albeit rarely. The first Garfield movie, for instance, which I saw in theaters. Any number of NBC sitcoms designed to fill the gap between Friends and Seinfeld. A unit of entertainment that can be consumed and then immediately forgotten entirely, leaving no impact but the sense of its existence.</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So I watched it again. And again. It’s been three days since my last viewing of it, and already it’s slipping away yet again. Will I watch it a fifth time, to see if I can vanquish its lethian powers? Probably not. It’s not that good.</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A main problem is that it’s just trying to put the movie on stage, and that doesn’t work in the best of circumstances, much less with a movie like Shrek, which has dragons and explosions and crap. The scenes are awkwardly structured and don’t fit together right, the dialogue is often stilted and poorly timed, and the musical numbers rarely fit in organically. The famous “Gingerbread Man interrogation scene” was terrible, as it was missing the closeups and timing of the movie, but the dialogue was kept identical. The movie as a whole was full of that. </span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They try to match it exactly in terms of the costumes, too, and while they certainly look right, it leaves the whole thing looking like a theme park stage show than a proper musical. The original designs are busy and ugly, too, which is a problem, but Shrek was always a fairly dull and ugly series, anyway, with the strength of its writing as the main appeal. The dragon is particularly bad in this respect, as they attempt to copy a look that was really designed just for a CGI movie, and for a non-verbal, constantly moving character, who by the nature of the medium has to now stand still and speak terrible new dialogue. The puppetry is really bad, too, which is odd, as it was performed by Avenue Q’s John Tartaglia, and that guy knows his stuff.</span></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmxKUGijGbEeCn7YFVU5xT7AaSU9x552Rhz4qjIfB5k80l4shwoyXsN9RiwyPQyY8TvHyXxMCSPAlcIKfj6A33nEUh69wg853_goitgbSMeq4YmWXgRUc5vMBK9B2meI1cC2xFRhbuD4Y/s1600/8912_5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmxKUGijGbEeCn7YFVU5xT7AaSU9x552Rhz4qjIfB5k80l4shwoyXsN9RiwyPQyY8TvHyXxMCSPAlcIKfj6A33nEUh69wg853_goitgbSMeq4YmWXgRUc5vMBK9B2meI1cC2xFRhbuD4Y/s1600/8912_5.jpg" height="223" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">I mean, at the very least, its eyes should be able to look at things. I feel like that's not too much to ask.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tartaglia also appears as Pinocchio, in a role somewhat beefed up from the movie, and he does better there. He makes an impression, at least, which is more than I can say for most of the supporting cast. The leads... Well, there’s good and bad. Princess Fiona is the amazingly talented Sutton Foster, who may be skilled and beautiful, but Fiona’s a fairly dull part to begin with, and she’s not given much. Compared to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuGBg-iam2U">what she is capable of</a>, they really don’t challenge her abilities at all.</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">On the flip side is Christopher Seiber as Lord Farquaad. Seiber is a very tall fella. When I saw Spamalot, he ran past me in the aisle as part of a bit, and I, in the standing room section, thought, “Whoa. That dude’s tall.” True story. So how do they have him as the famously diminutive Farquaad? Simple. He wears a black lined cape and black pants with tiny legs sewn on, and spends the whole show on his knees. This must have been exceptionally difficult for him, and amazingly, he never gives it less than his all. He’s so committed and sells his material so well that his presence on stage is always a welcome break in the tedium, at least. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zohx1G12oLw">Here’s a video of his big number</a>, one of the only parts of the show I enjoyed wholeheartedly. Clever, funny, creative use of legs, Wicked parody, it’s got it all.</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Shrek is played by Brian d’Arcy James, and frankly, he’s so good, his performance is terrible. He’s too earnest and talented to give the role the kind of delivery it needs, and his face is buried under a movie-mimicking pile of latex that robs him of all but the broadest emotion. His attempt at mimicking Mike Myers’ Scottish accent is weird at best, and frequently runs to nasal. And his Shrek head has really obvious earholes. All the same can be said of Daniel Breaker as Donkey, but far worse. While Mike Myers is a talented performer, Eddie Murphy is a revelation, and while the best years of both are long behind them, they can sell their lines like no one’s business. Breaker has no opportunity to make the character his own because he’s forced to do an Eddie Murphy impression, and that’s not a thing you can just copy. So he’s just freaking annoying, and not charming, funny annoying like he’s meant to be. It’s a fine line to walk. and only an Eddie Murphy can walk it. (Man, I just realized how much I’d hate Mushu if anyone else had voiced him). On top of that, the costume people seem to have just given up on his costume, leaving it, well...</span></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlMmZAKN_J3TW_AZF3ZvvfDF_SQ1FO_GkVVZqynRYHHJNXTdm4ecnPhUMcmOJRNMHejy6rEftsADqfWnYXWgndh_0mFNE0UzcKvvRND3tBm2GlKJc3yXiyLdrT-mSWau2muUYX-Frq-K4/s1600/blogSpan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlMmZAKN_J3TW_AZF3ZvvfDF_SQ1FO_GkVVZqynRYHHJNXTdm4ecnPhUMcmOJRNMHejy6rEftsADqfWnYXWgndh_0mFNE0UzcKvvRND3tBm2GlKJc3yXiyLdrT-mSWau2muUYX-Frq-K4/s1600/blogSpan.jpg" height="291" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">"I'M AN ABOMINATION. And I'm comin' to your house after school..."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I mean, honestly, what is that? He can’t use those hooves for anything, and his body language is all awkward through the entire movie. And they didn’t even bother connecting the head to the body. Ugh. He looks like a broke furry.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The music is... well, I didn’t hate most of the songs as I was watching it. There are a few that provoked eye rolls, and Pinocchio and the Gingerbread Man shouldn’t be given solos with those voices, but in general they were decent. I even remember the occasional chorus. Or at least the key lines from them. But, ever a flaw with some musicals, a lot of them are inserted awkwardly at best. It’s another side effect of trying to copy the original film; the original film wasn’t a musical, and therefore, there’s no place for songs in it. Worse is that one of the film’s best aspects was its well-chosen soundtrack, with the scenes well-complimented by the pop songs playing in the background. Of these, only the Neil Diamond/Monkees/Smash Mouth classic “I’m a Believer” makes the cut, sang as a grand finale. But for the most of the play, you’ve got scenes written to include certain songs in the background, those songs removed, and new songs tacked on to the end where they don’t fit.</span></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnRywcQvi7vWjklT3Ru4uVEKn0fJqkiPcRkLb7Ilqk-k_An9aCIoU1RBbQGgyECcx3GC_bs7E7bFLo-id1DnBX7yfuNZPgxqPFKFrOWbiSxpN_dKdGVTqywmiNWNVqIyDMuZB5dE91VmE/s1600/shrek-the-musical-blu-ray-dvd-SHTM_Stills_626x469_FG03_rgb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnRywcQvi7vWjklT3Ru4uVEKn0fJqkiPcRkLb7Ilqk-k_An9aCIoU1RBbQGgyECcx3GC_bs7E7bFLo-id1DnBX7yfuNZPgxqPFKFrOWbiSxpN_dKdGVTqywmiNWNVqIyDMuZB5dE91VmE/s1600/shrek-the-musical-blu-ray-dvd-SHTM_Stills_626x469_FG03_rgb.jpg" height="298" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">Really, it's impressive how old this joke doesn't get.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now’s the part where I surprise some of you. It’s worth a watch. Seiber and Foster give the production a lot of life, and for all its blandness and poor adaptation, there are quite a few individual moments that provoke a smile. Kids will almost certainly like it, and I don’t begrudge them that. Particularly if they’ve seen the proper movie, which, again, I quite enjoy. More importantly I strongly believe that every Broadway show should have a performance recorded for posterity, and the more people see this, the more other producers will think about it. And that’s a message worth putting up with two hours of mediocre entertainment to send.</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">All right, let’s get back on some sort of schedule. Stay tuned for The Land Before Time.</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* A bit more visual imagination could go a long way to making me enjoy this more, I think. In the course of my photo search, I found pictures from some productions that were a little more free with the costumes, and I found them quite intriguing. <a href="http://alliancetheatre.org/sites/default/files/styles/gallery_images/public/_D6X6922.jpg?itok=_kfl_7hv">Here’s one</a> inspired by William Steig’s original illustrations, and<a href="http://chicagotheaterbeat.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/James-Earl-Jones-II-and-Michael-Aaron-Lindner-in-Shrek-the-Musical-Chicago-Shakespeare.jpg"> this one </a>works a bit with textures and presentational costumes for a more appealing look.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="line-height: normal;">* If you happened to read something interesting in the URL on that second link, yes, that Donkey is played by James Earl Jones II, no, he’s not related to James Earl Jones, no, I have no idea why he doesn’t change his name.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="line-height: normal;"><br /></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQr9a4THRyLYBlm04QMq0R5kwpbrE4F0QSGoFEf2Kh_vpci-oK49etUaT1rlV1VkTsa_VKZvsgdyyuBUmu6xpWfiTaZKi8cGNGyM9x5lIXJF1Ab0FI8F5JUeFnoqe-XPooU88reXlWQRg/s1600/ShrekMusical650.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQr9a4THRyLYBlm04QMq0R5kwpbrE4F0QSGoFEf2Kh_vpci-oK49etUaT1rlV1VkTsa_VKZvsgdyyuBUmu6xpWfiTaZKi8cGNGyM9x5lIXJF1Ab0FI8F5JUeFnoqe-XPooU88reXlWQRg/s1600/ShrekMusical650.jpg" height="257" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The show does contain Sutton Foster's legs, so it can't be all bad.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br />* Jen Cody (who is, incidentally, Sutton Foster's sister in law) has a bit role as a featured dancer in the "Welcome to Duloc" segment, in which she dances with Farquaad, and she is about as tall standing as he is kneeling. What a tiny, tiny actor.
* I'm going to make one of my rare breaks from the blog's "no cussing" policy to say: Have you ever noticed that "Farquaad" sounds like "Fuckwad"? I mean, that has to be intentional, right? With Shrek's accent and all? They were just trying to say "Fuckwad" in a kids' movie, right?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* For what it’s worth, I’ve also watched Speed Racer five times so far this summer. But that’s different. That movie is awesome.
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmqWXxZV2kFUBK_MwbjZ7pUcQCVnNJ4KDH9owz9fjGoatzwmubhf6VzJMoKyjts4gVh5IJmnGFFlGvGFTwDkT1I5cn7D_UOizKi_NC61LHRLHJy5S7xQy-jMmG-0-Lt12bOyZ8NW8KrYQ/s1600/tumblr_meabd9W4oF1rvdee4o1_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmqWXxZV2kFUBK_MwbjZ7pUcQCVnNJ4KDH9owz9fjGoatzwmubhf6VzJMoKyjts4gVh5IJmnGFFlGvGFTwDkT1I5cn7D_UOizKi_NC61LHRLHJy5S7xQy-jMmG-0-Lt12bOyZ8NW8KrYQ/s1600/tumblr_meabd9W4oF1rvdee4o1_1280.jpg" height="640" width="508" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Someday. Someday.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span>The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-3813236019380027862014-04-27T18:46:00.000-07:002014-07-16T11:50:38.738-07:00An American Tail (Sullivan Bluth, 1986)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Remember in the NIMH review when I said Bluth had no trouble attracting money for his future films? Well, he attracted something else, too, and it was something that sure didn’t make the money any harder to come by, because that something was named STEVEN FREAKING SPIELBERG. And Spielberg took a very hands-on approach to producing this film, which left Bluth with a lot of money, but also with an enthusiastic yet inexperienced (in animation, at least) executive. And with Spielberg’s money and art, there also came the marketing department and their sinister needs. Bluth’s first film was a scrappy little indie, but this new movie, the first from the newly formed Sullivan Bluth Studios, was suddenly a Big Deal. Would Bluth be able to rise to the challenge of going corporate so soon, or would the ideals that set him off on his own be scuttled? Well, Disney had just made The Black Cauldron, so there wasn’t too much pressure. Combining Spielberg’s inspiration, the storied history of the Jewish diaspora, and Bluth’s inspiration, talking mice wearing an inappropriate amount of clothing for the setting.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-7abc7775-a5e8-2268-6d34-a1aee2a36040" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">TRADITIOOOOOOOON!</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">TRADITION!</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">TRADITION!</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">IT’S </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>AN AMERICAN TAIL!</b></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4jjX6yepKytxS_1Y9ixe_-gfQDKd25jjGS9sDx2zQbQESvC9bUwtE9AEA_aACj66d1bvzibGJgfvtLd6dC11cnkU59vJffyRFlfxFbwPYiaosU1rLKwsVxPmiR9DcPuX_Ci4C_fLRTdI/s1600/american_tail_ver2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4jjX6yepKytxS_1Y9ixe_-gfQDKd25jjGS9sDx2zQbQESvC9bUwtE9AEA_aACj66d1bvzibGJgfvtLd6dC11cnkU59vJffyRFlfxFbwPYiaosU1rLKwsVxPmiR9DcPuX_Ci4C_fLRTdI/s1600/american_tail_ver2.jpg" height="400" width="257" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You know, for months, I’ve been characterizing Bluth’s filmography to people as four good movies and a sharp downhill turn, but not having seen this one since my childhood, I was sort of assuming. And I wasn’t… completely wrong? The film contains may winning moments, and Bluth certainly knows how to work the heartstrings - a talent that will prove ever greater over the next few films - but as a whole, there’s a lot of the movie that just doesn’t work.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As a critic, it’s important to be aware of what complaints are my personal issues, and which are more objective, so I’d like to get the major personal one out of the way first. HOW DOES THIS MOUSE WORLD WORK?! It’s like The Rescuers, where there is no apparent effort made to conceal the world of fully-clothed, intelligent, industrious mice from the world of humans, even though the humans act completely normally. The mice have a little gathering area before they board the boat to America, complete with little mouse banners and a little mouse band, but nobody thinks this is odd? The Mousekewitz family lives in the baseboards of a human family (named Moskowitz, which just raises further questions), but they have a door and glass windows and their name written outside. Is this relationship parasitic or symbiotic? WHAT IS HAPPENING?</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9aZ9Ze-wOUwu3JppM12jQEgrxVBIk49LpORXl_0gXsykWTnTSsddFa0gJ3PYqgd2PeQ0A9AUpMb1i1LFpOcMdjN1UFZmrKzCf2CQ16lTZMGJtdrw7RnSDDfmbkuxvSBKUtBsR1maUGsc/s1600/american-tail-disneyscreencaps.com-232.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9aZ9Ze-wOUwu3JppM12jQEgrxVBIk49LpORXl_0gXsykWTnTSsddFa0gJ3PYqgd2PeQ0A9AUpMb1i1LFpOcMdjN1UFZmrKzCf2CQ16lTZMGJtdrw7RnSDDfmbkuxvSBKUtBsR1maUGsc/s1600/american-tail-disneyscreencaps.com-232.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Don Bluth Animation Fetish Alert : SPARKLES!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Further making it like the Rescuers is the international parade of stereotypes, including, among others, an Italian Mouse whose mama was-a killed by-a da Mafia, and an Irish Mouse who appears drunk, sings an overly maudlin song, and seems to have built a burial mound. Bluth is </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">really aping the Rescuers hard in this, which is odd, as that’s one of the crummy films that drove him away from Disney. Though it was also the one where he, as animation director, had the most creative freedom, so maybe that was all him. I don’t know.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But the other issues the film has are more objective. Even if I had been able to get past the mouse world issues more quickly, there’s still the fact that the film opens with a pogrom. It’s a shockingly violent opening to a children’s film, and as I watched, I couldn’t help but think of Fiddler on the Roof. When the pogrom comes in that movie, it’s after a long setup of the political situation, the persecution of the Jews, the character of the Cossacks - Here, it’s just random violence without context, making it look like they were leaving Russia because it’s full of freaking werewolves. And that’s barely a joke. The Cossack cats - who wear big furry Cossack hats because of course they do - snarl and roar like wolves and, somewhat more justifiably, lions. There’s no context, it’s just “CATS ARE EVIL”.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjhoYlv9W-85pJT1DIjwa9msIh_W0Ax-spq7DWiYd4Yl3LXPlydvYFcSJKHrjKIq8r_tAIihi0-gdGWo_u2YvncZhrdQ7an0hwjzcF9RdJH8PTqtkrMP0RNI18nNwqMGqYWRbey4Xglwk/s1600/american-tail-disneyscreencaps.com-353.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjhoYlv9W-85pJT1DIjwa9msIh_W0Ax-spq7DWiYd4Yl3LXPlydvYFcSJKHrjKIq8r_tAIihi0-gdGWo_u2YvncZhrdQ7an0hwjzcF9RdJH8PTqtkrMP0RNI18nNwqMGqYWRbey4Xglwk/s1600/american-tail-disneyscreencaps.com-353.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">HOW IS YOUR HAT STAYING ON?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Obviously, I’m not saying that the Cossacks were justified in what they did, I’m saying that there’s a way to tell this story without simplifying it to the point of nonsense. Ebert observed in his review that the film’s target audience would neither know nor care that the Mousekewitzes were Jewish, and that’s emblematic of a basic problem with the writing. It’s so obsessed with putting this kid and his family through every single bad thing that could happen to an immigrant in the 1890s that they never take time to actually go into any of it. There’s a scene where Feivel is sold to a sweatshop, but he escapes in the next scene with no trouble and we never even see him working. There’s a scene towards the end where he winds up homeless and angrily declares that he’s giving up on his family, and then he IMMEDIATELY hears them calling him and runs to them. His total time on the streets is like 15 minutes. It’s a hard knock life.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And the story in general suffers from this same flaw of compression. Everything is so crammed in. We don’t get a sense of what the villain is like, we see almost no personality from anyone, and the nine millionth time Feivel narrowly misses seeing his family, it loses some zest. A messy story is fine with strong characters (as we’ll see in All Dogs Go To Heaven) and dull characters are fine with a strong story (as we’ll see in The Land Before Time), but this movie gives up barely-there characters and a plot that takes no time for making sense.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJNc7PBIVFYNain4yQAYk1X4hlXaMu9qL7ok-NWQwJ5Q_2EVwSldfIV8yBmBPuwrPAV5kEix3rkZbufekPciZEmnEMkUfhW2okEksXMyWQa_BME-VdnGSEhPx9veXiyYPfL3HxXXdogZo/s1600/american-tail-disneyscreencaps.com-1296.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJNc7PBIVFYNain4yQAYk1X4hlXaMu9qL7ok-NWQwJ5Q_2EVwSldfIV8yBmBPuwrPAV5kEix3rkZbufekPciZEmnEMkUfhW2okEksXMyWQa_BME-VdnGSEhPx9veXiyYPfL3HxXXdogZo/s1600/american-tail-disneyscreencaps.com-1296.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Because my people.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The animation is good, but even there you can see cut corners. Sadly, I have to blame Spielberg for a lot of this. Never having produced animation before, he wanted to see dailies and request changes like he would on a live-action film, and that resulted in some fairly choppy quality. Bluth was, for the first time in his solo career, unable to complete storyboarding on his own, and had to use assistants. Fudd flags pop up all over the place, more obvious than even in the cheapest of Disney films. The cels and backgrounds seem at times to be completely separated. There are some good points, I will say. The character design is VERY strong, particularly in the aforementioned terribly-written villain, whose animation and voice won me over quite a bit. The occasional human characters are rotoscoped, which is another example of Bluth compromising artistically, as he’s not a fan. But it actually works here, emphasizing the difference between the human and animal in a film that desperately needed some difference there. And the scene where Feivel is swept out to sea has some excellent animation on the waves, giving them a slightly human shape as they crest but having it collapse into a torrent of unstoppable water as soon as they break.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So there’s good and bad in the animation. but the songs are uniformly awful. There’s this one, perhaps you’ve heard of it? “Somewhere Out There”? It’s a horrible piece of treacle - wait, does treacle come in pieces? What is treacle? Anyway, it’s a horrible... unit of treacle sung by two annoying child actors. It’s less than two minutes long, and rhymes “tonight” with “moonlight”. Despite these and more shortcomings, it managed to win an Oscar and a Grammy for best song, so I don’t even know any more. Apart from that, the music tends to be dull, repetitive, and overwritten. I will admit a grudging fondness for “There Are No Cats in America”, though. I don’t know why. Maybe my time with Disney has left me with some sort of ethnic stereotype Stockholm syndrome. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2Gms01HpnkFvgwiSNnRkIfIR4oNeU3zVKDA-kvsxcEklXTaFjVNe0F0QgudMOBp-xX_MWBT90vFlMgzzt7G00Cjwun8v9lCEaHUZDjS478pxfh3Xf81zkMp_6ZMzXxs94uiOg6W_Z9zQ/s1600/american-tail-disneyscreencaps.com-1174.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2Gms01HpnkFvgwiSNnRkIfIR4oNeU3zVKDA-kvsxcEklXTaFjVNe0F0QgudMOBp-xX_MWBT90vFlMgzzt7G00Cjwun8v9lCEaHUZDjS478pxfh3Xf81zkMp_6ZMzXxs94uiOg6W_Z9zQ/s1600/american-tail-disneyscreencaps.com-1174.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Mama mia! The meatball, she was-a too spicy! I'ma gonna go an' jump-a onna some turtles!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is all not to say that it’s an entirely bad movie. Far from it. It’s one of those where even though every specific thing I can think of about it is some form of criticism, the movie as a whole is still really enjoyable. You can see Spielberg’s hand as a producer in the contrived yet effective way the movie yanks at the heartstrings, and Bluth’s hand as a director in the strong tone of the film. He may have had to take a less active hand than he likes, but you can still feel his work throughout the movie, and that consistency glues together a lot of cracks. There are also a couple of legitimately good characters. Feivel’s father, played by Israeli actor Nehemiah Persoff, is a wonderfully loving and warm character, and Tony Toponi is a second generation Noo Yawk mouse who’s just a bundle of stereotypes and I LOVE IT.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The other voices are also generally fine. Feivel is just annoying as hell, but he’s a child actor, so we put up with it. Dom DeLuise turns up again, as a cat character of relatively little consequence who seems to mostly be there to apologize for this film’s blatant anti-cat agenda. He’s good, but his patented nervous chatterbox routine wears a bit thin, especially so soon after NIMH, where he did the same thing, only as a bird. Maybe next we’ll see him do it as a dog. (FORESHADOWING?) Christopher Plummer plays a French pigeon with a lot more dedication than the role deserves, and Madeline Khan phones in a role as a wealthy dowager, but Madeline Khan’s ‘phoning in’ is everyone else’s ‘110%’. The villain Warren T. Rat and his cockroach henchman are played by John Finnegan and Will Ryan respectively, both of whom do great work with lousy characters. Finnegan does particularly well, given that his character as written is annoying and almost nonsensical, but as performed is rather charming and enjoyable.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm0dmUpKHM6VUIGv-YIbkL8zk6Y1it9jtrn85wVbJa4WiXj7FsIchAb-t7Vs3g7QWL9Sbn85O-z3U30oNUd4-bqMQQCitc_Hi_p8F7o0qyXslfTpKACElIfrEJGneysSPEk9MSCziFRvU/s1600/american-tail-disneyscreencaps.com-2777.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm0dmUpKHM6VUIGv-YIbkL8zk6Y1it9jtrn85wVbJa4WiXj7FsIchAb-t7Vs3g7QWL9Sbn85O-z3U30oNUd4-bqMQQCitc_Hi_p8F7o0qyXslfTpKACElIfrEJGneysSPEk9MSCziFRvU/s1600/american-tail-disneyscreencaps.com-2777.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Don Bluth Animation Fetish Alert : Characters luxuriously smoking.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So yeah, this might sound a bit odd after what I’ve had to say, but I’d still recommend you see this. It’s mostly lousy, but with a wonderful heart to it. Great voice work, great design, and a lousy script makes for a surprisingly good time in this case.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS:</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* McDonald’s had a series of advertisements in the 1986 holiday season which showed the Mousekewitz family celebrating Christmas. It’s like they didn’t even watch the movie. Actually, a Russian/Jewish friend informs me that the decorated tree is actually a New Year’s thing over there, likewise Santa (Ded Moroz, or Grandfather Frost), stockings, and all that stuff, so Jews would likely have all that. But I doubt the marketing department at McDonald’s knew that.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Feivel’s pants are constantly falling down, which is particularly strange because he wears a belt.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQDOT7YsQ5cxRYtNbxqdVkWSXY1nV0Reo4HfkZzSY3oFaxw1DwJFXuEq5qyj8aPS8IAhq7qCW26GJm4I8BiZnXa4YI3wHja8xn2k9IgykI1dYVsh83VYXiohgoU5iItVMZkEfAeb29NHw/s1600/american-tail-disneyscreencaps.com-59.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQDOT7YsQ5cxRYtNbxqdVkWSXY1nV0Reo4HfkZzSY3oFaxw1DwJFXuEq5qyj8aPS8IAhq7qCW26GJm4I8BiZnXa4YI3wHja8xn2k9IgykI1dYVsh83VYXiohgoU5iItVMZkEfAeb29NHw/s1600/american-tail-disneyscreencaps.com-59.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">On his shirt. Ugh, this kid's the worst.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Understandably, the pun in the title didn’t translate into other languages. The Spanish version was just called Un cuento americano, or “An American Tale”, and the French was Feivel et le Nouveau Monde, or “Feivel and the New World”. The Germans, however, got clever, calling it “Feivel der Mauswanderer”. See, ‘auswanderer’ is German of immigrant, and ‘maus’ is - well, you can probably guess.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Speaking of Maus, Art Spiegelman considered a lawsuit because he had been serially publishing the now-classic comic book “Maus”, a biography of his Holocaust survivor father that depicted Jews with mouse heads and Nazis with cat heads, for several years when this movie came out. Really, the works have almost no similarities, and rather than a lawsuit, he wisely moved to publish the collected edition in two volumes to beat the movie’s release date. Anyway, he wound up winning a Pulitzer prize for the comic in 1992, and this just got a Grammy for its terrible song, so he definitely came out on top.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2aIWPkRIRdQ7OCPPs7LPm9Z0yA1xO4LwLziqFtTl92KTIlOBQY0OUefvXwiMjr0Xe2dH0S2Ho5dYjKQ1IssjqOQXVtfGJSTEyBK9s_P3R-gTg_p7-emEC2zHYmF0ZAqRAwEpY_zCe-K0/s1600/american-tail-disneyscreencaps.com-7237.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2aIWPkRIRdQ7OCPPs7LPm9Z0yA1xO4LwLziqFtTl92KTIlOBQY0OUefvXwiMjr0Xe2dH0S2Ho5dYjKQ1IssjqOQXVtfGJSTEyBK9s_P3R-gTg_p7-emEC2zHYmF0ZAqRAwEpY_zCe-K0/s1600/american-tail-disneyscreencaps.com-7237.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh, this also happened. And hey, more sparkles.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Feivel’s favorite book is The Brothers Karamazov. That’s a little weird.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* Somewhere Out There may be an awful song, but<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFp10zmArgg"> the video, a story of star-crossed animators who long for each other, though they are separated by... a hallway</a>? I</span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">s hilarous</span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. And contains mid-80s Linda Ronstadt.</span></div>
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSNwmqY9cCU">Also, this scene from Community, which is nothing short of perfect.</a></span>The bloggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05507490282374074798noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4077952082807573906.post-66914114676200438082014-03-13T09:40:00.003-07:002014-03-13T09:40:31.165-07:00The Secret of N.I.M.H. (Bluth Group, 1982)IT’S FREAKING DON BLUTH TIME WOOOOOOOO. You all remember Don Bluth, right? The scrappy go-getter that started working at Disney as an animator, and decided to strike out on his own when he realized Disney was mostly making garbage anymore? Well, after scraping together the cash and resources to make the short “Banjo the Woodpile Cat”, Bluth and his partners were able to interest folks enough to get funding for a feature length production. The pressure was intense, with the former animators ready to take on the Mouse with… well, a mouse. Stick with what you know, I guess.<br />
<br />
LEARNING!<br />
<br />
SCIENCE!<br />
<br />
MAGIC FOR SOME REASON!<br />
<br />
<b>IT’S THE SECRET OF N.I.M.H.!</b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRu4R8txbilh405CEpm2VE1ImpzfDgoMzOJ63SRbc3dyXbzGpZ81RtlOoAJLb-lZOe9eHAf8xaYbGMupl3XmN3Oo1pyDQpw17Q7L5Ej2-RIan3bF7jSb8VfLS5yi89VQtW7QdOO30DAmqI/s1600/secret_of_nimh_xlg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRu4R8txbilh405CEpm2VE1ImpzfDgoMzOJ63SRbc3dyXbzGpZ81RtlOoAJLb-lZOe9eHAf8xaYbGMupl3XmN3Oo1pyDQpw17Q7L5Ej2-RIan3bF7jSb8VfLS5yi89VQtW7QdOO30DAmqI/s1600/secret_of_nimh_xlg.jpg" height="640" width="419" /></a></div>
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br /><br />
The Secret of N.I.M.H. is a difficult movie to review for me, because I can’t shake the feeling that I really shouldn’t like it. Not because it’s a bad movie at all. Far from it, it’s very good. But if you’ve been reading this blog, you know my complex feelings toward adaptations, and how weird I find it when a movie adapts a book and completely ignores important aspects of it. And this movie takes one of my favorite books, Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of N.I.M.H., and smashes its essential premise into the ground, grinding it under its heel, all in the name of proving that feelings and magic are better than science and that there are clear heroes and villains in the world.<br />
<br />
Look, if you haven’t seen it or read the book, I’m going to spoil a bit here. And you know I only give spoiler warnings for old movies if I think they’re particularly good, so keep that in mind as you read this next bit. I LIKE THIS MOVIE. THIS IS NOT ANOTHER SPACE JAM SITUATION WHERE EVERONE HAS TO HATE ME. The story revolves around Mrs. Frisby (changed to Brisby in the movie to avoid a lawsuit from Wham-O), an ordinary field mouse who needs to move her family out of the field, as it is being plowed, but her son has pneumonia, and can’t travel. So she seeks out the assistance of some rats who live near her home. These rats, as it turns out, have enormously increased intelligence as a result of being the subject of genetic experimentation at the National Institute of Mental Health, or N.I.M.H. They are initially reluctant to help her, as they are in the middle of a plan to move their society to a secluded valley and stop stealing electricity from the farmer, but when they find out she’s the widow of Jonathan Frisby, they agree to help her. Through this, Mrs. Frisby learns that her husband was subjected to the same experiments, and was instrumental in helping the rats escape from N.I.M.H. He continued to help them in secret, until he was finally killed by the farmer’s cat while trying to drug it, a task that now falls to Mrs. Frisby.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyyb5MdDu3YJvromNMNxyKkl0jZdLgh892uYyJx8B_U5mbUeLogeT4a9aep5MiQI98nlnU5iF5FzqdDzgPEwzryiGmSvWVdBx706kzC_qsEIcgaqHH4x2YwHsrDMTWN0FkiSl2Pm9zG4Ns/s1600/4070_5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyyb5MdDu3YJvromNMNxyKkl0jZdLgh892uYyJx8B_U5mbUeLogeT4a9aep5MiQI98nlnU5iF5FzqdDzgPEwzryiGmSvWVdBx706kzC_qsEIcgaqHH4x2YwHsrDMTWN0FkiSl2Pm9zG4Ns/s1600/4070_5.jpg" height="223" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Um... There's about as much Science Goo in that needle as there is blood in the rat's body. And your lab is filthy.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
The point that’s made over and over is that the rats are a product of science, and as such, largely unconnected to the world around them. They can’t live off the humans, nor can they truly be happy with the animals. The spirit of scientific inquiry is strong in them, and the ones we meet use technology and science in creative and original ways. There had been a conflict in the rat community between Jenner, a rat that thought they could get on fine relying on humans, and Nicodemus, the gruff mechanic that wanted them to move on and become independent. And in those characters we find the two huge changes in the film.<br />
<br />
The first, an increased role for Jenner, is not that bad. Jenner only appears in flashbacks in the book. After his argument with Nicodemus, he takes his supporters with him and they are later found dead, which nearly exposes the rat community. In the movie, this conflict is moved to the present, with Jenner taking on a far more villainous role, attempting a hostile coup and killing Nicodemus in the process. I actually have no problem with this. The book’s plot, wonderful as it is, is separated into three distinct sections, and while the middle - the time at N.I.M.H. and the events following their breakout - is the most interesting, it’s also a very slow burn. Moving Jenner to the main plot adds a nice layer of conflict, and making him more of a villain is a necessary side effect of that.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdvuaKtcVp2Sc-qHv66Eu7XuSwW0ccH69qCy1cG04CFbPf3KAbj8_CntWlZQZoqL20rski3g6SyvOvOz9yQUycrhvmgBi1M_cTBxn9r1kwOdVb9Y3twLiQsdSihaDCaX1nmuL7VSWojikK/s1600/PUHRL37M90.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdvuaKtcVp2Sc-qHv66Eu7XuSwW0ccH69qCy1cG04CFbPf3KAbj8_CntWlZQZoqL20rski3g6SyvOvOz9yQUycrhvmgBi1M_cTBxn9r1kwOdVb9Y3twLiQsdSihaDCaX1nmuL7VSWojikK/s1600/PUHRL37M90.png" height="216" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's a good thing I don't make dirty jokes in these reviews.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
The other change I feel more conflicted about, and that is the addition of magical elements. Nicodemus, in the book an eyepatch-wearing badass and active leader, is in the film a wizard. Like with a long beard and glowing eyes and a crystal ball and crazy wizard fingernails. And rather than lifting and moving Mrs. Brisby’s house with ingenuity, it’s done with a magical amulet. You may wonder how these magical powers and objects came to be. And well you might. Because the movie never bothered to explain it. And what’s more irritating is that it seems to delight in not explaining, taking a really smug “ah, there are things in the world which science can’t explain” tone, and I just freaking hate that.<br />
<br />
The reason the sections at N.I.M.H. are the most interesting parts of the book, and a major part of what makes the book one of my favorites, is the science of it all. The rats are given injections and treatments, but there’s also tests and mazes, analysis of continuing and increasing results, and an actual (successful) effort to teach the rats how to read. They even have a control group! When was the last time you saw a group of fictional scientists with a control group? But in the movie, this solid scientific grounding is abandoned, with the message that you have to trust your heart and accept that science will never give you answers in its place. And true to that moral, they never explain anything. Why did Mr. Brisby have a magical amulet? How did Nicodemus get his powers? No answers, no explanations, don’t question it. The story of their escape from N.I.M.H. is pretty much the same, so why all of a sudden are they sorcerers? It doesn’t make any sense and it weakens the story.<br />
<br />
And yet, I can’t be too angry at the film for making these choices because it’s EXTREMELY good. Bluth’s directorial style has such a gift for tone, pacing, and character that all of these weird changes and plot holes don’t matter even the tiniest bit while you’re actually watching the film. It’s not perfect. A lot of the dialogue is clunky and the story is occasionally slow or stilted, but the movie as a whole works wonderfully.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6oYUfw-mBzzcEHn-jGasxqdZ0uyLopmRtcks-LFbG5sZ7YcpFRNQ9sIv2J9VdEPQKltYWBoC4htpDutoqpWRy4TTVceprC2dJjcPAo7tczDs7YojKH3y-1iaDbfSHKYDoilggbLqdzU5n/s1600/4070_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6oYUfw-mBzzcEHn-jGasxqdZ0uyLopmRtcks-LFbG5sZ7YcpFRNQ9sIv2J9VdEPQKltYWBoC4htpDutoqpWRy4TTVceprC2dJjcPAo7tczDs7YojKH3y-1iaDbfSHKYDoilggbLqdzU5n/s1600/4070_1.jpg" height="223" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm not sure why they all wear clothes?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The main credit, of course, goes to Bluth as a director and animator. The movie looks amazing. The underground chamber of the rats, the desiccated tree where the Great Owl makes his home, the sprawling workshop of mouse scientist Mr. Ages, all beautiful settings used to great advantage. Bluth indulges his style in enormous set pieces, like an action packed race over a rampaging tractor or the pseudo-psychedelic experience at N.I.M.H., where he really gets to show off his tricks. For the first film from an animator-driven studio, the Bluth Group really earned their laurels, and it’s no surprise that they were able to interest investors for their future work.<br />
<br />
The voices, for the most part, match the animation in quality. Elizabeth Hartman as Mrs. Brisby puts a lot of life into a mostly reactive character, which is good, because the rats are largely pretty dull. Jenner is pure 80s cartoon bad guy, and his heroic opposite, Justin. Neither actor is a name, and neither brings much, but they’re both fine. The supporting cast, however, is fantastic. Dom DeLuise plays Jeremy the crow with the distracted high energy that would make him a Bluth regular. John Carradine brings all his formidable menace and horror movie zeal to the terrifying Great Owl. And while I disagree with the portrayal of Nicodemus as an old wizard, Derek Jacobi was the right choice if they were going to play it that way.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzD4r6LJXayyv8CXUUZp-iYdT2rkKyNKodtaZjucW9S1b-a25nuAZvKraNzykV8cyHiTdWB0HclohFNOycdPPHdjGAHzNKO67U20zWrsZwS7Zb_v0YLb3uEfhxO3mYqjyrrP3I5HrLd9l0/s1600/06.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzD4r6LJXayyv8CXUUZp-iYdT2rkKyNKodtaZjucW9S1b-a25nuAZvKraNzykV8cyHiTdWB0HclohFNOycdPPHdjGAHzNKO67U20zWrsZwS7Zb_v0YLb3uEfhxO3mYqjyrrP3I5HrLd9l0/s1600/06.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bluth is really addicted to sparkles, for what it's worth.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
So yeah, a really good movie, just one that I have an odd relationship with due to my fondness for the book. But the rest of Bluth’s filmography gives me a bit more meat to work with, and that should be good as we continue on. Sorry about the hiatus, but you may recall last year at around this time, I got a new job that ate up all my time and energy? Well, I’ve got it again, only this time I’m making enough extra to reduce my hours at the OTHER job, so we should be getting back on a regular update schedule here. Let’s Bluth it up, folks.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdZ1Yccl-pFddEc1f8Z80wXEbikYRSJCBWMQ6EyqfQ3SH2EpuWGIcAFcaPSsD3wdbGwO3-hqE_Wje86cFXMl9YiyNESI59NU4ULNelr3TTiSWo0o7vB6o9fgpMz1NlFkLDIR0E4zIGocM-/s1600/dvd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdZ1Yccl-pFddEc1f8Z80wXEbikYRSJCBWMQ6EyqfQ3SH2EpuWGIcAFcaPSsD3wdbGwO3-hqE_Wje86cFXMl9YiyNESI59NU4ULNelr3TTiSWo0o7vB6o9fgpMz1NlFkLDIR0E4zIGocM-/s1600/dvd.jpg" height="400" width="292" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This movie also has the dubious honor of having one of the worst DVD boxes ever.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b><br /></b>
<b>ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS</b><br />
* Field mice are technically voles, not mice. There is technically no way Jonathan, a lab mouse, could have bred with Mrs. B. Well, let’s just say it’s a side effect of N.I.M.H.’s tinkering.<br />
<br />
* The decision to change Mrs. Frisby’s name came after the voices were recorded, and John Carradine was unavailable to record his new lines, so they just took a “B” from another line he said and looped it over. Very successfully, too. There’s maybe one line where I can tell, and the rest are pretty seamless.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
* To apologize for this review being both late and short, please enjoy this image macro I found whilst looking up Cats Don't Dance screencaps. Really let it sink in. Speculate on the mental state of the person who made it. Then weep for humanity.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSQ94_mriCaSg5ZaBE4ICEHB4r4QUSBXHx2bx3_KE1kOiK4TWgTA_4VT-IXWLHGHDKjL70gEXX_NzQIRF8HQWUtDeUNHd0_4hw2yM4aNVQ2xdmXp-a74GwLeLZ3kZpyvrToL6aMN804eTH/s1600/tumblr_mxo1ftNuKY1s8pnrqo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSQ94_mriCaSg5ZaBE4ICEHB4r4QUSBXHx2bx3_KE1kOiK4TWgTA_4VT-IXWLHGHDKjL70gEXX_NzQIRF8HQWUtDeUNHd0_4hw2yM4aNVQ2xdmXp-a74GwLeLZ3kZpyvrToL6aMN804eTH/s1600/tumblr_mxo1ftNuKY1s8pnrqo1_500.jpg" height="286" width="400" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Brian Lynchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10749174661514532612noreply@blogger.com1