Monday, October 14, 2013


Well, I knew that if I was going to make a hottest ladies list, I would have to make a hottest guys list, too. No problem there at all. However, while I can analyze the objective attractiveness of a guy, I lack the important qualification of actually being attracted to them, so I farmed this one out, taking to the social media and asking straight ladies, gay dudes, and bisexuals of all genders which Disney men were the hottest. Since this one was determined by vote, this will be the one list not in chronological order.

There were a number of interesting choices that were voted on by one or two people, which meant they wouldn't make the list. But I did want to acknowledge them, because there's a huge diversity of options out there, and I wanted to celebrate the more unusual choices. Some were very unusual, but hey, no judgments here. So first of all, my "oddball choice" honorable mentions:

Dr. Facilier
The Tramp

And my "almost made it" honorable mentions, from the folks that came close to getting on the list that just didn't get the votes they needed:

Prince Phillip
Basil of Baker Street
John Smith's little friend Thomas

And finally, my "HOW COULD YOU HURT ME LIKE THIS" award, for the man nobody voted for:

Deems Taylor

But enough bonus awards and door prizes! It's time for the main event. The top 13 hottest Disney men, as determined by you, the readers! And it's technically a top 14, because the bottom two were tied!


Um… I said no judgments, right? Ah… Okay, I can kind of see this, and I did expect to see a villain on here. I just didn’t expect this guy, who’s pretty damn sleazy. But I guess something in him spoke to a surprising number of ladies. I guess his confidence and smoothness and… height? Well, it could be worse. When the Nostalgia Chick solicited her viewer’s opinions on the hottest animated guys, they put Frollo on the list. *shudder* Anyway, if you are one of the weirdos who's into Jafar, I should let you know that I learned in my GIF search that he's apparently being played by Naveen Andrews on Once Upon a Time and Tumblr is very excited about that.


This one surprised me a little, as the real giant beefcake types tend not to be representative of women’s desires. But it makes sense that the one who made the list is not someone like Gaston, but someone who is considerate, friendly, and the funniest character in the movie.

Jim Hawkins

It appears their attempt to make the most 90s-est person ever successfully appealed to my survey sample, most of whom were kids in the 90s. With his center-part, shaved sides, and rat-tail, not to mention his x-treme sports, this guy’s such a 90s bad boy he makes Shawn Hunter look like Wally Cleaver. Look at him brood. Look at his earring. You folks just ate it up.

David Kawena

This, on the other hand, I totally get. He’s pleasantly goofy, he has a hot surfer body, and a good sense of humor. Even more importantly he’s respectful of Nani in his pursuit of her. He doesn’t mind that he essentially has a kid, and doesn’t ignore or dismiss Lilo, instead showing her affection and attention as well. He even helps Nani get a job. And he canonically has a nice butt and fancy hair.

Robin Hood

This one I totally get, too. The swashbuckling action hero is certainly a popular type, and as a kid - most of the people who voted for him noted, perhaps a bit defensively, that it was the “childhood crush” variety - someone who embodies that trope in a non-aggressive way while resembling your furry stuffed toys is going to inspire affection in you. It’s called non-threatening masculinity, it’s very common, and it’s why Hanson got so popular.


This one’s easy to figure out. He’s got a ridiculously good body, he respects Jane while at the same time freeing her from the rigid restrictions of her life, he loves his mother, and he’s got a ridiculously good body.


Our second representative from the world of beefcake, and again, a charming, caring, and innocent type. When I wrote about Shang in my Mulan review, I said he was the first Disney guy to be sexualized and viewed through a female gaze. But that’s not really true, I realized later. While it’s mostly played for laughs, the women of this movie unapologetically drool over Hercules, so it’s really no surprise to see him here.


Speaking of no surprise, here’s a smooth operator with a cool accent who dances, plays the ukulele, speaks at least three languages, fully commits to his love at great personal cost, and he’s got a sense of humor. Achidanza!

Peter Pan

I assume - or at least hope - this is another “childhood crush” one. Although I suppose technically, Pan could be as old as 70. But as a childhood crush this is textbook. Wild abandon and freedom with no scary threat of looming adulthood. Given that probably the most prominent subtext of the book Peter Pan is Wendy’s semi-realized attraction to him, this one’s halfway intentional. I say half, because it’s still not a very good movie.

Li Shang

While Hercules may have been the first to be subjected to blatant female attention, Shang got hit the hardest with it. Mulan was a film that stated in no uncertain terms “This is a HOT MAN. And Mulan KNOWS IT. HOW COULD SHE NOT?” And so does Grandmother Fa.


Beast was a tricky one for me to put on here, because half the people who voted for him specified his human form, and half of them specified his beast form. A few of the former group specified human form, but with beast voice. Since they were so specific in their votes, I considered counting them as two, but since it is, after all, the same character, I merged the votes together, and he gets number four.

Flynn Rider

Oh, this one’s easy. He’s got THE SMOLDER. All I have to say about Flynn is that if you like him, his voice actor Zachary Levi, Levi’s former show ‘Chuck’, or nerd cult classic show ‘Firefly’, watch this video. The context is that Levi offered a kiss on the cheek to anyone who’d donate 100 dollars to charity, and someone donated 1000 dollars for a kiss on the lips. And Levi gives it all you would expect from a Disney prince who has also played a super-spy and someone named Fandral the Dashing. What happens afterward is even better. And that’s how hot Flynn Rider is. Just like his actor, he effortlessly combines charm, sex appeal, and comedy style.

Prince Eric

Whaaaaaaa? Man, I always thought this guy was a bland ball of nothing, but he got a HUGE number of votes, putting him neck and neck for the first place spot. I suppose there’s some appeal in his laid-back nature, his patience, his willingness to work on the ship with his sailors… His plunging neckline? Actually, the amount of chest exposed may be key, because our winner is…


Yes, the street rat does good. A perfect storm of nostalgia, appealing character design, rakish yet unintimidating personality, exposed pecs… Truly, this guy had it all. It’s no wonder that for so many people, he is the Disney guy to top the list. And on top of that, he was voiced by Scott Weinger, who was being presented to us every Friday night as desirable boyfriend material. So with that in mind, I leave you with this…

1 comment:

  1. Thomas didn't make the list! I'm hurt. Wounded even...oh wait, Flynn Ryder. I'm ok again :)